hearing your parent's side

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For those on the spectrum, have you ever heard your parents complain about the difficulty of raising a child with special needs (i.e. you)? If so, how does it make you feel?

I have my own mixed feelings about this in my personal life, but I am curious to hear other people's experiences.

No one knew I was on the Spectrum when I was a kid so my parents did not have that complaint. No one knew about HFA when I was a kid. But I have heard my cousins take about how hard it is to have an Autistic son. My little cousin is. And they talked about it on facebook. I was extremely hurt and disturbed by what they said. I also felt it was very unfair to him.

Their complaints usually either brought me guilt or anger. I want them to stop worrying or cry because of it... I want them to forget me for it.
I won't be surprised if suddenly, they'd throw me out in the streets or ditch me somewhere else, really. I won't be surprised at whatever frustrations they might've been holding back all along. I won't be surprised if they suddenly rant that I've been a burden to them all these years. I won't be surprised if someone suddenly tells me I don't deserved any of their love and patience. I won't be surprised, whatever unfairness may come out of it.
If they told me to leave out of their lives, I'll do it in a heartbeat -- not because of whatever negative times it might've or had been, because I love them too much that I cannot take anymore from them.


So far, they've been coddling me. I'm doing the un-coddling part myself so none of them had to.

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they [the educational establishment] wanted to institutionalize me when I was a young child, but my parents could not afford it [they woulda had to pay for it] so I was mainstreamed against the professional psychiatric opinion of the day.

Good thing they could not afford it. That could have been disastrous.

Well they have refrained from complaining about it in front of me, but I'm aware that they have faced many difficulties and challenges.

I wouldn't mind it if they did it to my face, but I do mind it now that they do it behind my back (I've caught them at it.) I mean of course it wouldn't feel nice even if they did do it to my face, but somehow I just feel it'd be better... you know, at least I could make sure that I don't keep repeating the same trouble I did as a kid. Assuming I see it as trouble, that is.

Then again, if they did start ranting about the hardships of raising an autistic child, I could rant right back about the hardships one has to face while being raised by NTs.

I wasn't formally diagnosed with anything, but I'm sure my differences caused my family a lot of sadness.

My parents are over protective, to the point of being a helicopter parent. I get told i'm not the average 28 yr old. I've got mild learning difficulties, dyspraxia and AS like traits.

I try to hear my parents side and always abide by them and respect them but as an adult they never do me and respect should go both ways, granted i live at home but i'm an adult and have rights and deserve to have respect too.

I am sure it was frustrating but at that time not only was it the 1960's but being the firstborn not only in my immediate family but of my cousins she did not have much to compare me to.

She had to know I was different. Most parents do not have the school after 2nd grade come and meet with them and say homeschool him or send him to private school. But they would have no way of knowing how different I was as even I did not know how different until age 55.

But back then the prevalent attitude was everybody has problems, every family has their black sheep, deal with it and do not talk about it especially do not talk about psychological issues. It was completely different from today's transparent selfie culture.

I just recently discovered that I was on the spectrum. I asked my mom if she thought there was anything from my childhood that might make her think I was, and after doing some research, she basically said that it explained all of my quirks.

As far as her complaining about my Autism, neither of us knew I was on the spectrum, but she did complain a few times about my AS traits when I was growing up, just not knowing they were due to my being an Aspie.

I'm able to pass in NT society. As such, I sometimes end up listening to stupid things NTs say when they think they're talking to another NT. Some make me more mad than others. What I hate the most is parents who constantly complain about how hard their lives are because their child is autistic. I mean, sure, it's probably easier to have an NT kid. Fine. It's worth acknowledging there are many more difficulties to work through, but do you really think you are having a harder time than your kid? I assure you, complaining parent, you are not. You have a job, you have friends, you have a home. All of that is uncertain for your kid and you're complaining about shopping gluten free. I know people complain because they are looking for approval, and looking for someone to say its not their fault, but when I hear someone putting their kid's personal struggles on public display constantly just so someone will pat them on the back tell them "you're a saint for being a parent of this difficult child" ... it just makes me mad. It makes me wish that kid had a better advocate. Your kid is not your enemy.

I think there is an appropriate way to voice frustration as a parent. When a parent says "I'm just so worried about XXXX, they seem to be stuck on this problem and I'm getting frustrated and I don't know what to do." That comes off as appropriate and understanding to me. It takes a lot more courage to speak that way though, you know, honestly.