Am I insane?

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My morals differ so greatly from other peoples' that it's a stretch to say I have humanity. I can't understand anyone neurotypical, let alone other autistic people, and so I can't empathize with them. As a result, I only care about myself, although I put up a facade of being a normal person who cares about others. I want to take over the world, but I only tell this to my family, afraid I'll be arrested or something. I just turned 18 this April. I have grandiose ideas and goals, but I work really hard to get to them. I also don't care about other people at all, but I find myself drawn to them nonetheless, perhaps by novelty. Am I insane? I feel like I'm totally cracked. Now, clarification, I don't think this is a bad thing, but I still want to know. Thanks.
~Ricky

what do your parents ever say about that?





(sorry i just find your posts rather interesting at the moment)

Did you start a gofundme page asking for $10 million ?

I did actually start a gofundme page, back last year I think, but I realized quickly that it wasn't going to work, and that I would need to create my own ways of generating revenue to fund my ideas. Hence a programming project I'm currently working on with a friend, although he has no idea what I'm going to do with my share of the money once we start to profit.

When I mention anything about my ideas they usually tend to lose their cool. Every time I bring it up, my mom gets angry, saying no one will ever follow me or listen to me if I say or do stuff like that. My dad was more calm, but got angry after a while as well. I think it's a bit scary for them to hear someone say stuff like that, but I can't be sure. Like for example, I once talking about using viruses to transfect all people with modifications of genes they already have, modifications that would make them more amicable to others, in order to make the world a better place and achieve world peace, but they thought I was talking about setting myself up as a pseudo-god of the world. I had put a lot of thought into it, choosing which genes and which virus to use, as well how I would need to modify the virus of choice to get it to deliver the genes successfully. So it kind of hurt when they kind of flipped out.

Apologies if this post is disorganized. My mind is naturally that way. Also many times it's hard to get across what I'm trying to actually say, if not impossible. It seems as if I'm using the same language as other people, but they interpret it in a different way.

Maybe you would be better off using your talents lurking on the right side of the law

Then mum and dad could relax

If you want to make money you should write science fiction and use this as an idea for a Utopian / Dystopian future

Transfect is a great name for a book or film

You should hang out more with us Earthlings.

If you save a little child from a burning building, you will acquire more street cred.

Most of us don’t want to be dominated by a world-dominator. We would do our very best to deter and offset such plans.

Murphy's law says you will never get what you want. It would be quite different if you've decided NOT to be the world-dominator. Ooops...

Do you know what the most likely thing is? it's that you are not insane. There is also a minute chance that you are pulling our leg but I wouldn't focus on that too much.

You wont find a single sociopath or psychopath who goes on a forum and utters concern about his (lack of) empathy. They are that way. they are content with themselves. That's their "natural" state and they find absolutely nothing wrong with themselves, so it wouldn't even occur to them to actually talk about that in any way. The same goes for schizoids, who don't care about anyone and need no social contacts. They don't see anything wrong with themselves.

The exact same thing goes for psychotics/ grandiose people / etc. You won't find them saying "yeah I'm being grandiose". They 1000% believe they are god / jesus /president of the USA / "able to change people's DNA" or whatever. They have no doubt about their grandiosity. Grandiose delusions, by definition, exclude the person from knowing they are being nutty. If they know, they can correct their behavior and are fixed.

The same kind of explanation can be repeated for any kind of rather massive versions of craziness -> it is a non existent thing for an acutely crazy person, to be concerned that he is crazy, as the acute craziness is his reality at the given moment, and he sees nothing wrong with himself. AT ALL. Maybe he finds many things wrong with the world, or other people, or the "CIA tracking him" or whatever, but he won't have the slightest concern about something being wrong with his psyche.

So there are three possibilities: 1. you are not insane 2. You are not yet insane enough to lose it completely and become delusional (unlikely) 3. You are pulling our legs (unlikely)
In case you tend to point 2. observe your thoughts and actions or rather let them be observed by people you trust and get medical help if it worsens.
cheerz
Omid

Last edited by omid on 28 May 2018, 6:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry OP , I didn't actually answer your question , I'm with Omid on this and I choose option 1.

hmm. But the thing is, I don't want to just be labeled as a grandiose person and fade off into history. I want to accomplish the things I set out to do, though maybe not world domination, in the interest of others. Honestly I just want to be the most free I can be, so I strive for goals which other people would consider out of reach. I don't feel comfortable living the life of a regular neurotypical person, or even as most of not almost all non-neurotypical people, as my mentality is so different.

You sound exactly like me at a certain point in my life. I used to want to take over the universe, and I still can't fully wrap my head around human morality. I'm not "evil" anymore, and I abide by human rules, but I often deeply struggle to understand them. Morality is an arbitrary construct created to further human survival (or the survival of any particular species).

From this point forward, there are a few paths you might take. First of all, decide if you want to stay "insane" as you describe it. If not, then you will have to brainwash yourself back to normalcy. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it perfectly coincides with the human definition of "good." Read 1984 if you haven't already. Fall in love. Be emotional. Meditate. Develop more empathy. Surround yourself with those you empathize with best, be they autistic or NT. Submerge yourself in your special interests. Hopefully, your attempts will eventually succeed. If not, then keep distracting yourself with these things. Run from this "insanity" at all costs.

On the other hand, you may not want to return to a "normal" morality at the moment. If this is the case, then continue to pursue your goal safely. Find an ultimate goal, in fact, no matter what you decide. This might be to take over the world. So try your best. Who knows, maybe you will succeed. Maybe not. Maybe it's all futile and meaningless, and the best thing to do is to find what you enjoy (probably your special interest) and pursue it.

In the end, taking over the world is a desire for power, and power is a social construct, and social constructs are meaningless. :/

Honestly, what you're describing sounds like a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder. I'd recommend reading up on it if you haven't already. How old are you? Adolescents can't be diagnosed with personality disorders because their natural behaviour is so erratic, shallow and self-centered that every single one of them would be diagnosed as a sociopath.

It's a good plan to seek to acquire as much wealth as possible. That's not insane. Then you could look after yourself and your family.

No you are not insane.

This is strangely comforting (I'm a pretty persistent hypochondriac w/ OCD that constantly fears all 10 personality disorders, especially clusters A and B). I knew that you couldn't be diagnosed with Antisocial PD until you were 18, but that doesn't really reassure me very much!