People saying "You've improved a lot"

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lekrons
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16 Jun 2018, 2:25 am

I got my diagnosis a few months ago. It was awesome.

I decided to tell my family.

At least two members of my family, people I don't see very much have told me some time later "I think you've improved a lot since your diagnosis, well done".

I haven't really done anything about my diagnosis, like any new social groups, counselling, or...I really have no idea what people would do for post-diagnosis support, but I haven't had anything like that.

I think these people are just imagining that I've changed because now they have a label that explains the stuff they didn't like about me before.

Anyone else had this experience, and what do you attribute it to? :/



Lellynelly
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16 Jun 2018, 2:49 am

I am 52 and just got my diagnosis last week, but it was 13 months ago a friend first told me she thought I was r researching and doing on-line tests I agreed with her.
Since then, I have ‘improved a lot’.
Knowing that I was probably autistic made my life so much easier. I finally understood why small things irritated me so much, why I don’t understand converstaion, why I don’t pick up on things.
Just this knowledge has made me so much calmer and happier.
I think this is because that when my family or close friends do or say something that upsets me, such as a sudden change of plan, or loud noises, I understand thats it’s my autism that doesn’t like it, so I can just remind them of how stressful I find it instead of flying off the handle.
Also in social situations I used to try to stay as long as possible until I was beyond not being able to bear it, getting more and more stressed until I just walked out and no-one would know why.
Whereas now I know that at any point I can just say ‘I’m sorry I’m beginning to overload, I’m going to go get some downtime’ and they understand.
So yes, I have improved because I understand myself and they understand me so I am learning how to manage my symptoms



Exuvian
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16 Jun 2018, 12:50 pm

Be glad family is willing to give you such credit.
Some are prone to "near-nearsightedness" and see the current "improvement" as repudiation of past struggle.



lekrons
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17 Jun 2018, 1:42 am

People who actually do spend a lot of time around me have commented that I was happier and more self-assured after my diagnosis, which I would say is true.

But the people I see for half an hour at a social gathering every other month - all I can think is that they must have taken issue with my behaviour or character in the past. Well, in one case I know that's true, I had a massive argument with one of them. But in other cases, well I find it quite upsetting to think that they must have found me somehow offensive in the past, in order for them to think my behaviour has improved. And I barely see them. It's not a nice feeling.



Sweetleaf
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17 Jun 2018, 4:29 am

No such experience I have no gauge by which to tell how I am doing.

Sometimes people just say that or things like it because they don't know what to say, I would not expect any mind-blowing wisdom from most passer-bys. I mean I think I have improved some things, but I still struggle with a lot of things. Just got a medical review for my SSI which they could decide to cut it off. Trying to find a job with help from voc rehab before they may be able to end my benefits.


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IstominFan
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17 Jun 2018, 8:49 am

I'm happy when people share my joy in my accomplishments. I don't like it when people who have known me previously when I wasn't really doing a lot call me out to complete strangers who have known only the improved me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I also don't like when people are completely blind to the changes and still put me in the same old box. There is a happy medium.