Alone

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I just wish I could share all my feelings of having ASD. My mom denies it even though all the signs were there and she missed them. I feel so lonely lost in my head, and embarrassed if I share my ideas and "symptoms", e.g. traits. I just wish I could share these with people who understand, but who also wont tell me that claiming to be autistic and that is partially a gift is an insult to kids with autism. What about those kids that grew up. My mom thought I was deaf. Later she said no I just thought you had an ear infection. Okay. I'm obsessed with the TV show Criminal Minds because it shows the good parts of autism, e.g. high IQ, weird and quirky but loved by the other people on his FBI team, capable but not social, you know cool in a way that I would call cool and not what normal people would call cool. And I know I am, but if I'm not, I so so much want to be neurodiverse. Because why be normal? I want to be like Reid. I want to be around people who accept my differences and don't leave me after a while. I lost my two best friends, they don't talk to me anymore. I know I'm rambling just lonely and obsessed. Idk. And I've been feelinglike I have no purpose, I have "hobbies", I want to make people happy, I can live to learn, but it feels like none of that is enough lately.

We will listen and support you. We understand and we can relate. My parents struggle with denial of my Autism as well and it is a very difficult position to be in. I also find that only a very tiny less than handful of people can believe my struggles and accept me for who I am. But those people are very loyal and mean the world to me. I hope that you can make some really good friends here. I have. But for what it's worth, you can share anything you feel with me and I will listen and do my best to be there to support you. I know a lot of us on this site will do the same. You are not alone here.

As Skibium said, this is definitely a place where you can share anything you feel or experience, and no one will think it is weird or embarrassing, your situation seems very relatable to me and I'm sure many others on here. The sad fact is that most people still don't have any idea whatsoever what autism is, so it can be really hard sometimes to expect understanding and acceptance from random people. I absolutely agree that autism can be a gift, but it doesn't come free, it comes with a lot of challenges that can be overwhelming at times. The TV shows portray that ideal situation where you find a group of friends that understand and appreciate you for who you are, but sadly don't offer the solution of how to get there (it sure ain't easy).

P.S. although you almost certainly have seen it, the show "Bones" should be right up you alley with a super talented, cool, neurodiverse main character.

P.S.S. I ramble all the time too, don't be ashamed of doing that.