Do all parens of autistic kids secretly hate them?

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Seba7290
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13 Jul 2018, 3:01 am

This person on Reddit claims that all parents of autistic people secretly hate their children because they are robbing them of a “normal” life and only pretends to love them as a coping mechanism. He also says that ALL parents would go back in time and erase the child from existence if they could.

Another commenter said that it would be better to abort an autistic fetus than to let it “disable the family”

Is this really true? Do my parents actually hate me? Is my entire existence nothing but an unfortunate burden on my parents and the people around them? I’m starting to feel guilty for simply being born


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Daniel89
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13 Jul 2018, 3:04 am

Not all but I do believe we are more likely to be abused.

Having children is a selfish act people have tend children to fulfill some sort of emotional need so when the child doesn't live up to their expectations they can resent them.

I believe my parents only help me out because if they didn't they might receive social criticism.



Nametobedecided
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13 Jul 2018, 3:19 am

get off reddit and go back to your containment board.
you will be safer there, my friend.



Seba7290
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13 Jul 2018, 3:21 am

True, it’s socially expected of parents to help their kids in any way they can. So they are kinda forced to care for the child even if they don’t really want to.

What shocks me is how many people think of autism as this tragedy that will rob you of all social life you have. I do admit that there are some people on the spectrum that are as bad as these people say. What pisses me off is that they say it about all autistics, like a child of autism WILL always be extremely difficult to handle. They kinda ignore the fact that it’s a spectrum.

I was diagnosed when I was 3, but that didn’t stop my parents careers and social life’s at all. I’ve never really been that much more difficult than my sister.



Daniel89
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13 Jul 2018, 3:24 am

Seba7290 wrote:
True, it’s socially expected of parents to help their kids in any way they can. So they are kinda forced to care for the child even if they don’t really want to.

What shocks me is how many people think of autism as this tragedy that will rob you of all social life you have. I do admit that there are some people on the spectrum that are as bad as these people say. What pisses me off is that they say it about all autistics, like a child of autism WILL always be extremely difficult to handle. They kinda ignore the fact that it’s a spectrum.

I was diagnosed when I was 3, but that didn’t stop my parents careers and social life’s at all. I’ve never really been that much more difficult than my sister.


Not all Autistic people have no social life but we are less likely to be employed that people with down syndrome, employment is a big part of socialising.



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13 Jul 2018, 3:25 am

No.


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Seba7290
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13 Jul 2018, 3:26 am

I must have worded that a bit vaguely. I mean that they think having an autistic kid will take up all their time and attention so they can never have a healthy social life themselves



Daniel89
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13 Jul 2018, 3:28 am

Seba7290 wrote:
I must have worded that a bit vaguely. I mean that they think having an autistic kid will take up all their time and attention so they can never have a healthy social life themselves


A lot of people just neglect their kids.



Lorrent
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13 Jul 2018, 3:36 am

Of course not.

Don‘t listen to them, they are just trolls/as*holes or both.


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whatamievendoing
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13 Jul 2018, 3:46 am

I can say with 100% confidence that my parents don't hate me even secretly.


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isloth
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13 Jul 2018, 3:57 am

Idk maybe there are some parents that feel that way, but saying ALL of them do is blatantly false. And as previous people have said, redditors are highly likely to exaggerate or troll just to get emotional responses, I doubt the people who type that even believe it themselves.


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EzraS
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13 Jul 2018, 6:13 am

I know my mom is not happy about having an autistic kid and is somewhat more clinical than affectionate. But I think a ways from being a refrigerator mom. Either my dad is putting on a really good act or he really thinks I'm the best I'm the best son ever because that's how he's always treated me.



nick007
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13 Jul 2018, 6:33 am

I got the impression a lot that my mom hated me. I have other mental & physical disabilities in addiction to my Aspergers thou but she was very critical of my issues, disabilities & quirks all my life. She resented me living with her & dad as an adult because she felt that her job as a parent should of been done by then. When I was a kid she would often threaten to have me arrested, send me to juvi, send me to military skewl or kick me out of the house when I would have Aspie meltdowns which were usually due to my needs not being met or my parents being on my back about stuff.


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Arevelion
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13 Jul 2018, 8:58 am

My mother might have been resentful of me for a while, since I was such handful, but I think in his final moments my father loved me all the more for being autistic....

...It's hard to explain.

Anyways I may find out myself what it's like to be a parent of an autistic child. My wife and I are both autistic and we have a son due on the 27th.



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13 Jul 2018, 9:47 am

I was always aware of my parents resenting me saying things like I don't know what I am going to do with you and all that BS she even made me believe I had brain damage as a baby a delusion that was only put to bed when I was diagnosed as having Asperger syndrome. She married a child beating alcoholic and had 4 children by the time she was 23 so she could get away from her mum (my Nan) and dad (my grandad). At first I wasn't really aware of the bile but I was always aware of the change of subject that was the usual when discussing our me and my siblings futures she had a pretty optimistic plans for my 2 brothers and sister. Of me she only said she wanted me to live and that was the end of it. She denies she had a favourite child but she did and showed that favouritism to my eldest brother. I on the other hand was to her lower than the dogs. I know it is not like that for all Asperger syndrome people but it does go on and has done for years. I felt I had been set up to fail later at anything work like even in 1978 being put into the UK's worst performing school among the disruptive pupils who would not achieve anything much. Also there were no kind words only very occasionally but mostly describing us on the basis of how well behaved we were not how happy we were that wasn't a priority back then. So Yes I would say my mum more than secretly hated me otherwise she would have wanted the best for me. :arrow:



nick007
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13 Jul 2018, 9:57 am

I'm an only child & mom used to joke that I'd have to be euthanized after her & dad died because I was too dependent to take care of myself. She tried getting me put in a group home before for people with developmental disabilities but the quack ruled Aspergers out when I was officially tested & my psychiatrist diagnoses wasn't enough for me to be put on the waiting list for services. My mom also looked into group homes for other disabilities but I either didn't have the disability or wasn't severely disabled by it enough. Having lots of multiple disabilities put me in a category where I wasn't severely affected enough in any one area but severely disabled overall. I think I'm alot happier living with my girlfriend nowadays than I ever would be in a group home thou so I think things worked out in the end.


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