Are we worse than we think we are?

Post Reply New Topic

I always thought I could hide things. It makes me wonder though. I suppose I’m just upset. A friend of mine (or so I thought) is getting married and I wasn’t invited to the Bachelor Party. It wasn’t anything bad, just hanging out going to a couple breweries. I’m sad.

That friend? Lose his number as you aren't friends. Yeah we don't always pick up on hints and think someone is a friend...but reality is we were acquaintances.

I recently started trying to get fit so that I present myself better for job interviews which I already suck at. I thought it'd be easy, losing about 75 lbs. I've done it before. I struggled to go to the gym because it is a very popular gym. I managed to stick to a 800 calorie diet though. I started hiking a mountain instead of the gym. In the many times I've been up, I've only ever seen 2 people on the trail. On the height it's different but few people take my long path. Anyways, i fought myself all the time about going to the gym but hiking a mountain? I always do it no problem. After almost two months I've lost at least 15 lbs. My leg muscles are actually stronger also. I've taken to hiking larger portions of the mountain. I also do strength training which I'm much less consistent about because it's at the gym. Well after about 2 months like I said I thought to myself in concept, well, what's the next step? How are you gonna make any friends? I realized that on some level I think I began to think if I blended in better, I'd be better able to make friends. This wasn't the original goal and wasn't something I thought I could do but when I realized that, I felt VERY disappointed and felt it had been a waste and considered suicide. I'm really just adding to the stress in my life. Now I work out every day almost, to get a job where I'll work all the time, and the original reason was guilt because I feel I need to get working again. Somewhere along all those trails I started getting ideas about what all this sacrifice and pain could buy me. And I may still yet give it all up. I'm really only making sacrifices so I can make MORE sacrifices on a contenous basis. I thought it would be a matter of discipline, but it involves constantly adjusting my sleep schedule, making money on the side for more money for more gas to get to the hill, a thunderstorm last week ruined my phone while I was out it started. For now I have a cheap flip up cell phone. I got a cheap parka though. One of my 2 headphones were ruined also. And more. 5 days a week it's a 1.5 hour hike and steep at parts. Why am I doing this? And in the end, I'll just be a ripped janitor with no social life and very little money.

Better than a soft, fat, wimpy janitor with no social life and very little money.

I do think that I'm unintentionally sending non-verbal signals that basically say things like "I'm not interested in talking to you". The reason that comes to mind for this is that, although I feel like I'm on good terms with most of my work colleagues, it seems like I'm always the last person to hear about rumors and things like that.

Better "I'm not interested in talking to you" than "I know better than to talk to you", which at least in my case would be the truth. The former shows less weakness and therefore invites less abuse.

I am NT, but I think I’ve gotten pretty weird in my social interactions. I also have a very expressive face, so if I’m not paying attention to my responses, the other person can figure out what I think faster than I’d like.

I ask questions to get the other person talking, and then I continue to ask questions about whatever they’re saying. People love to talk about their own interests, so this alone usually gets me through.

However, in real life (not here), I have always had a number of people who think we are friends when actually, I formed a strategic alliance with them because I couldn’t get away from them.

That must be a PITA indeed. The only thing I can imagine worse than not having friends is having them.

I guess that's why I don't usually get people talking: I don't ask questions unless I strictly have to, because I expect to be told to mind my own goddamn business. But when they do get talking, I can't wait for them to shut the f**k up. Especially when they are the ones asking questions.

I've had a few friends where they had weddings and stuff like that with whom I thought I was very good friends with but when they didn't invite me to their weddings I was extremely hurt by it. It added to my existing bipolar disorder for sure. It took me many years to get over that but I guess I'm just more cautious about who I call a friend now.

And thanks to our ASD improved memory the sting never really goes away and you remember it with crystal clairity every time.

I've also always thought that I was sending out unintentional nonverbal signals as well that conveyed to others, "go away and leave me alone." To be perfectly honest I am grateful for this as it keeps the NTs away and I'm alone with my thoughts. Of course you're right in that we are usually the last person to know about important events that occur at either at work or otherwise.

Meh, in the end I think it's better this way.

I can relate to this very much. It used to bother me a little in principle, just in the sense of being left out, but now I'm happy for it. I hate gossip and competition, anyway, so it's a blessing to not be included in any of that.