Meltdown

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I just had a meltdown, I’m going through Sooooo Much with summer, my boyfriend, needing to call Medi-Cal Monday, dealing with my mail, not being able to focus more, being soooo itching this week & making myself bleed, having very bad pains in my arms, having more pain in my ankles, feet, my lower legs & my knee & more things.

I had a meltdown last Saturday in which my step daughter came down and threatened to hit me and said I was embarrassing. I do not think my wife has even a little forgiven me for that.

Sometimes this week I have felt like killing myself.

Then I have to watch my super hyper 6 year old grandson. He is black and I am white. We live in Detroit and black people are always suspecting this dynamic. If I raise my voice to correct him at all in public people threaten to call the police.

Then my wife blames me when he hits me, throws things at me etc.

Is stressful for you. You need time to relax if you can. Sometimes things can get to you where you would have been fine if you were recharged and able to cope with anything. Not easy to recharge. I need recharging!

(((Kitty)))

Whenever I ask my wife for advice on anything she screams at me "think for yourself".

Whenever I take the initiative and try to do something on my own without getting guidance she holds it up as an example of how horrible of a person I am days later. I cannot live with this.

My wife has literally gone to where she says no response at all to my directional questions. The one exception is when she shouts insults saying I should figure it out on my own.



This level of non-communication and demanding understanding of nuances and lack of emotional reinforcement would be almost impossible for anyone it is doubly so for those with autism.

Hugs.

A mild cold, with low fever, put me over the edge today. Like you I have a laundry list of stressors, which ironically would include my unwashed laundry (if it were at that level of detail). One step at a time, gentle with our strong selves.