I am sick and tired of trying to communicate with NT's

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omid
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25 Jul 2018, 11:42 am

Seriously, like they try to tell me something, except they don't say what they mean in any clear way.
Like they are talking around some mumbo-jumbo, and look at me in a way like they are screaming: "WHY THE F DON'T YOU GET IT?" And almost always, they act like I don't WANT to get it, or don't like what they are saying and am being non-compliant (in case of doctors). The truth is, I just don't have the slightest clue what they are trying to tell me

how am I supposed to get it when the message is encrypted multiple times? I may manage to encrypt the first layer. But fail at level 2 or 3. And that leaves me just with this: "this person is possibly talking about my (lack of) employment or generally about jobs and such." But what he actually means remain a complete mystery to me.

And when I say something very simple, they get it all wrong and interpret some havoc in it. And quite unfortunately, I don't have enough autism to be ignorant about the sudden change in mood and atmosphere, yet I'm not NT enough to figure out what about what I said is so bad or what actually is they're interpretation. All I notice is people being galactically p***ed or disappointed, without me having meant anything of any great significance.

Like I was talking to someone and I realized I have forgotten to take my meds. Then I forgot about it briefly and said:
me:" I just remembered that I need to do something important, hm... what was it? ehm... yeah! I need to take my medication and i'm already 2 hours late"

So, being ever so slightly socially smart, and not comnpletely lacking intuition, I could clearly observe how that put the other person in total disappointment. I am kind of sure she "actually" heard this: "I don't want to talk to you anymore, I brought up that I'm late taking my meds to silence you and get out of the conversation and go" or maybe even "please STFU."

Or someone was cooking, and the meat was literally in the oven for 3 hours. So I said:
Me: "That meat is in the oven since a very long hours, don't you think it might be done?"
Reaction: I was asked whether I'm hungry and need food asap, I absolutely tried my best to clear the situation, by saying I'm not hungry and I was concerned about the meat in the oven.
I literally meant what I asked. I was just thinking that would be too long for that kind of meat.
Well my so called clarification didn't help at all. I was offered with food and suggestions about what I could eat "because I'm hungry" WHICH I'M NOT.

people don't understand what I say, and I don't understand what others say. EVER. These are just two examples from totay. I haven't had any meaningful comunication with anyone since years. NICE.

And the fact that the docs don't even acknowledge my Asperger's diagnosis doesn't help that much either. They have given me all ICD diagnoses (that's the european DSM) but whenever I talk about asperger's, which I was diagnosed with as a young adult by an expert, they get aggressive and yell at me and say that I'm a hypochondriac.

I'm literally done with this world.


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Aspie score: 131 of 200
NT score: 34 of 200
Possibly Aspie (diagnosed by an autism expert, doc moves abroad, forced to change docs and all say it's schizophrenia NOS or schizo-affective disorde or personality disorders. initial doc was a colleague of uncle Simon btw. you do the math.). (edit: by Uncle Simon I mean Simon Baron Cohen. Just to clear things up.)


HistoryGal
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25 Jul 2018, 12:09 pm

I hear ya!



Slug on a Bike
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25 Jul 2018, 12:29 pm

Don't waste your time
figuring out the intentions
of other speakers.

If you're part of this
whacky ASD world
you may not be
good at that,
even if you think you are.
Surprise!

Take sentences
at face value
and let the speaker
adjust to you
if you misunderstand.

On the output side,
find a way
to say less.
If your thoughts
all head for the door
at the same time,
find a trick
that lets them out
only one at a time.

That's what my
off-putting lines do
for me.



ladyelaine
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25 Jul 2018, 4:57 pm

I know the feeling. They are so damn irritating to deal with every day.



xatrix26
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26 Jul 2018, 6:31 am

I would tend to agree with you OP. NTs' roundabout method of speaking is infinitely exasperating to decipher because they don't seem to have any concept of clear language speaking. I get frustrated on a daily basis and sometimes I lose control of my anger because of this.

Bluntness and sincerity gives me such peace of mind but when I suspect deception and wishy-washiness then I lose my s**t.


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SideOfTheHill
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26 Jul 2018, 9:08 am

People certainly are frustrating.



Asbergian
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26 Jul 2018, 10:03 am

Yes, ordinary people are very weird. You have to make allowances for them. They are always seeing things that aren't there. They are like children, really :roll:



HistoryGal
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26 Jul 2018, 10:13 am

Some like to create intrigue and drama. Most NTs however don't.....they shy away from those few that do.

For your NT that communicates in circles. Can't be helped. No malice is meant. That's just how those minds work....especially women.



Magna
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26 Jul 2018, 10:42 am

HistoryGal wrote:
Some like to create intrigue and drama. Most NTs however don't.....they shy away from those few that do.

For your NT that communicates in circles. Can't be helped. No malice is meant. That's just how those minds work....especially women.


Did you mean most NT's don't like to create intrigue and drama?

In my experience at least in the workplace it seems to be the other way around. The things NTs got upset about and the office politics they thrived on while wanting to keep stirring that pot were very foreign to me. One job I think think of in particular that was in a very large office cubicle work environment with many of us data entry employees. There were two other workers that I got to know that I would wager were on the spectrum. None of the three of us had any interest whatsoever in the office politics and drama crap. In a lot of ways, adults behaving like juveniles.



HistoryGal
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26 Jul 2018, 11:34 am

It only takes a few drama loving NTs to poison a workplace. The other NTs while not fond of the daily BS are often more able to roll with it. But yes most NTs aren't out for that. They do however have to play along somewhat.

Office jobs......no thanks.



Benjamin the Donkey
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29 Jul 2018, 10:28 am

Even when not consciously trying to create drama, most people communicate horribly. The don't mean what they say or say what they mean. They put most of their conversational energy into empty small talk. They lie, they brag, they exaggerate, they mindlessly repeat what others have said and act as though it's an original thought.

Dealing with it all exhausts me, and that's on a good day.


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blazingstar
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29 Jul 2018, 10:39 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Even when not consciously trying to create drama, most people communicate horribly. The don't mean what they say or say what they mean. They put most of their conversational energy into empty small talk. They lie, they brag, they exaggerate, they mindlessly repeat what others have said and act as though it's an original thought.

Dealing with it all exhausts me, and that's on a good day.


Agreed with above and completely understand the frustration of the OP. I have managed to minimize the deleterious effects on my life by limiting the amount of communication I have to endure with "regular" people.


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