How can I help my friend who's abused?

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I have a friend who's autistic and the parents use it as an excuse to abuse him. Please just hear me out here. I have seen and heard first hand what goes on. It's mostly emotional abuse but it's taking its toll. NO ONE deserves that. It's a textbook case of narcissistic parental abuse.

The parents are bound determined to keep him at home. He's pretty good with computers and the father basically forces him to do the PowerPoint for the church service (father is a Christian pastor) but threatens to take away his coping mechanisms if he stands up for himself and refuses. My friend has tried to seek help but the parents punish him for seeking help if they catch him. The school counselor doesn't believe him and tells him to be thankful he doesn't have to chop up wood in the winter. Apparently, others have complained about her as well.

It's a small, rural town in the Bible Belt of Southern US. Small, rural towns in the Bible belt kinda operate differently. The father does seem to be in cahoots with pretty much everyone (not that uncommon that part of the country) and my friend is afraid to go to the police because he's afraid the father is in cahoots with them too. He does have a few friends who are police officers. The police department in that town is literally in the parking lot of the church the father preaches at. But emotional abuse isn't taken as seriously as it needs to be, especially not in small towns such as this one. I give him advice but he's always like "I don't want to talk about it".

He said he was going to kill himself once and I tried to talk him out of it and go nowhere so I called suicide prevention, hoping they would be able to do something. At the time I was thinking they send out social workers, not cops. But it did stop him. The other day he kept telling me he wanted to be left alone so I did. Then he sent me an emoji of a crying face with a gun pointed at it. That REALLY scared me and with the previous comments asking me to leave him alone, I thought he was serious so I called right then and there. So the stress is getting to him. There's only so much a person can take. He got back from school and today said he fears the school environment might become toxic too. He has nowhere to go.

He CAN'T go to a homeless shelter. He's on a mountain in the middle of nowhere and can't drive. He has no friends and no one to drive him to said homeless shelter. If he tried hitchhiking, it's possible someone might know him and just bring him back home. Plus all the other dangers associated with hitchhiking. The closest one is in another city anyway. I can't help him in person because he's two states away. Plus, he is kinda dependent on his computer which I don't think they let you have anyway in a homeless shelter. Are there *any* places that will help an abused autistic person in this situation? I'm so afraid he's going to not going to be able to cope anymore and just end his life someday. I was once in a similar situation but knew if I didn't get out I was going to kill myself. That was only four years ago. Things improved for me once I got out, especially to a big city...but they didn't happen overnight. I just kept insisting I wanted to go to a homeless shelter and got my dad to take me. They did let me come back home after I couldn't take the shelter environment anymore but they had already gotten me my own apartment. I was never told to "just leave" if I didn't like it. My mom was adamant I couldn't survive without her. My friend's father has threatened to kick him out multiple times. I could only dream of getting kicked out by mine. My friend's sister had an emotional outburst and hit him, leaving marks, but the father said if he reported her to the police, he would kick him out right then and there. I am so worried he's going to end his life sometime soon. Are there any resources that actually help autistic people in this kind of situation? I've posted about him here twice but hardly anyone believed me and just accused him of being an attention seeker. No. I video chat with him all the time and have personally seen and heard what goes on there.

You seem to have run into a roadblock. So ... secretly make a video of the abuse, and then post it in a Facebook account. Name names, cite dates, give the address, and let the Court of Public Opinion take the case.

Will they do that for emotional abuse?

Maybe. Just make sure that the microphone is switched on.

Oh, and for quicker results, make sure that The Media gets a copy of it, too.

He never video chats if the parents are home because he thinks they will see him talking to someone be like, "What are you telling them!?!" But I have heard things he has recorded and they are NASTY. He's not allowed to have a Facebook account for obvious reasons.

Last edited by MagicMeerkat on 13 Aug 2018, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No. No. No.

Not "Video Chat"!

Record him being abused!

The parents aren't there when we video chat. And it's mostly emotional abuse. He did get pictures of the marks his sister left when she hit him. But for the most part, it's just emotional.

Last edited by MagicMeerkat on 13 Aug 2018, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, never mind. I don't know how I can be more explicit. Forget what I posted.

I suggested he contact Dr. Phil, but he says if he does, the parents will disown him and kick him out indefinitely. He's in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with wild black bears.

Video chat has nothing to do with what Fnord suggested, Meerkat. I'll translate his suggestion to easier-to-follow steps:

1. Get a video camera. One that can record at-least-decent-quality video and sound.
2. Be physically close enough to your friend to use that video camera, and record the abuse when it happens.
3. Get at least 3 of such recordings, and post it on sites like Facebook where a lot of people are likely to see it. Send the recordings to news reporters, as well.

You may need to be clever as you go about step 2; you don't want your friend's parents to catch you and ruin your chances of getting more recordings.

You never said how old the kid is. What i mean is he an adult or still consider a minor? Also if he is still in school is there no at school lile an adult he can confide in or anyone in this small town that has the power to help himbthat would be on his side and help advocate for him.
The other thing i did this when i was younger and had no place to go and was living in a abusive home is i used psyche wards to get me out of my bad home during that year i was in and out of psyche quite a bit till finally they got me into a group home and out of my toxic environment at home and if he is saying that he depressed enough to want to kill himself he certainly fits the criteria. Also it would give him sometime in an enviorment that he could start talking about his home life without the fear he has now and maybe heal a bit from the abuse. Also they might be able to hook him up like they did me at the time with services and help him get on ssi like they did me when i spent so much time there.
When i started going to them i prefered the safety of the hospital to my home life. It was a welcome release to strick and ridged home life i had been in and not as emotionally abusive.

We NEVER video chat when the parents are home. And he is trying to record when the parents or sister is emotionally abusive.




He is eighteen, he will be nineteen at the end of August. I've suggested the psych ward thing to him several times but he adamantly refuses. I think he thinks they are all like how they were depicted in "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest". I think if he went to a psych ward, they could get him in contact with a GOOD caseworker and help him get out of there for good. But no, he doesn't want to do that.

I have called suicide prevention before when he was talking about how he planned to do it, and another time when he said he didn't want to talk and then sent me an emoji of a crying face with a gun pointed at it. But by the time the police get there, he tells them he is fine and that someone must be playing a sick prank on him. No, just someone who is genuinely concerned.

He does see a "Christian counselor" who is just a pawn to the parents and knows Jack s**t about autism and also just tells him dehumanizing things like, "Oh, you're autistic. That shouldn't bother you!" I don't think the parents will let him see a real one. I told him to tell the caseworker he wants to see a real one who's not in league with the parents but he can never get in touch with the caseworker.

Last edited by MagicMeerkat on 14 Aug 2018, 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I’m finding the website outofthefog.net helpful. It is for the family & friends of humans suffering from personality disorders. It has a “toolbox” with so much great info. If he can’t access it, you can. It’s a start anyway...

Do they discuss how to physically get out of there? If so that would be VERY helpful. This guy is in the middle of nowhere in the mountains and cannot drive. It's not like he could pack a bag and just walk to the next town.

I can’t say for sure if they do, but they do tell you how to cope more effectively with personality disordered individuals & since he’s stuck there for now... There is also a forum with more knowledgeable humans than I who might be able to help or point you in the direction of more resources.

I had just said Fnord's suggestion had nothing to do with video chat. Why do you keep mentioning it as if it does? And what do you mean by "he is trying to record when his parents or sister are emotionally abusive"?