Is this a bit insensitive?

Post Reply New Topic

I have anxiety issues and one thing that causes anxiety is lateness or delays.

Every Monday and Friday I have to help my mother with her food shopping and we have to use public transport. She saw a few people waiting at the bus stop. She said before we even started waiting for a bus. ‘I think the bus is going to be late today.’ At that point anxiety started to creep in and my initial reaction was to think ‘please no! Not today.’ She was wrong the bus was on time.

Then as the bus arrived she started saying let the others on first they have been waiting longer which is getting into a habit every time we do this. I feel so downgraded when she does. I going to have to have talk with her about this. I not stupid person because the thoughts that running through my head at that moment.

A lot of people don't understand how painful this can be and communicating your needs to you mum is a very productive way forward.

She needs to know how you feel about certain things so she can stop winding you up, regardless of how trivial she may find the situation.

Mums can sometimes forget how grown up and capable we are.

Learning ways to manage these situations is also helpful at the time for short term relief of that anxiety.

I hope your talk goes well

If they were waiting first then it's only fair to let them go first. How is that an insult toward you? How do you know they don't hate delays?

I usually let them on first even when I am on my own. My mum for some reason does this every time I go on the bus with her. When you are aware yourself it can be degrading and this is in front of people as well.

Okay, I see what you're saying now. You didn't need her to tell you.

Yes it is very degrading. Something similar happened to me once a few years ago. I was with a friend who's older than me, and we were waiting to get on a bus. I intended to wait for others to get on but then a woman smiled and gave me the "after you" signal, so I said thank you and started to step on. But then my friend literally pulled me back and said, "no, let's wait 'til everybody gets on." I felt embarrassed being manhandled like I was a toddler or a person with severe learning delays or something. I knew what I was doing, and I wish my friend hadn't yanked me back like that in front of everybody. She never said before that she wanted to get on the bus last, and if she had changed her mind at the last minute then she should have just let me get on and waited 'til everyone else got on. There wasn't many people getting on anyway, and they weren't all elderly. When I'm getting on a bus I do look willing to let others on first unless they are gesturing me to get on next.

I think a lot of NTs think that just because we're Aspies it means we are clueless about social cues or something. But some of us are very socially aware and know what to do without being told, especially as adults.

When I was at school we did a class called “Disability not Inability.” One thing I remember from those lessons is you can look at an outward appearance of someone assume they might be a bit slow but be very careful because that might just overtake you one day. So basically treat everyone with respect.

The other thing thing we did in that module we all had to go into groups and do projects on disabilities and make a presentation on it. Guess which disability label I ended up doing?

It always makes me anxious when people hold me up or take too long. I have gotten used to buses and commute trains being late so that doesn't make me anxious anymore. Don't get me started on procrastinators ugh.

I don't get that anxious if the bus is late, but I do get restless. I start wanting to pace up and down and rant to myself, but I don't want to draw attention to myself, so instead I jhave to stand calmly. It's better if there are other people waiting if it's late because they are probably feeling the same frustration as me. Sometimes they even talk to you, which can distract me from feeling frustrated.