Can someone pls explain stimming?

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Im a bit of a newbie at this so sorry for the stupid questions. Im a naturally very curious person and now that I’ve found this site I want to know /everything/ lol. Sorry for the length.
Until recently I had never heard of the word “stimming”. I found out about my diagnosis (Aspergers) a few years ago but I didn’t actually accept it until very recently. I have told exactly one person about it. After the whole “haha thats funny, oh wait you aren’t joking?” part, she was pretty cool about it and we ignored it and moved on. (I chose her because she worked with the special needs kids at our school and she was most likely to understand) However, the other day she asked me if I was aware I was stimming. Of course, I was clueless. Apparently, when I get nervous during conversations or when I have to make a speech in class or talk to someone I bounce up onto my toes and then rock back down onto my heels over and over again. I don’t think I really was aware of this and if I was I didn’t really think anything of it. But now I’m like overanalyzing everything I do. I know I tend to fidget a lot. Theres really not a time when every part of me is still. I drive my family nuts tapping or drumming on the dinner table or bouncing my foot or twisting things through my fingers and spinning my headphones cord or hoodie strings, but that was always written off as the teenage “God ur so ADHD” kind of thing, the same way people will say all the time “Im so OCD”.
Now though, I can’t help but wonder what other things I might be doing that could actually be considered stims. (I am probably way overthinking this but thats kinda my thing lol) Every time I look it up it says things like rocking, hand flapping, and spinning which uh I don’t think I do any of those. (What exactly counts as “spinning”?) But are there others? Any maybe less um….large…stims that people do? And was my friend right, cause I didn’t really think much of that? And do they have to be like some repetitive fast action? Cause I do have one really weird thing I do...but that could totally just be me lol. Im obsessed with lists so Im attempting to make one currently on any potentially stim like behaviors I might have beyond the typical harmless fidgeting. Help me out?

I grind my finger nails against each other and/or bounce my knee. I also flick my feet a lot, I don't know where these are stims but they're something I do quite regularly when thinking/anxious/excited etc. There are so many ways of stimming that its impossible to list on a site for autistic symptoms, so I guess they just name the most common.

According to the internet:

Self-stimulatory behavior, also known as stimming and self-stimulation, is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, or words, or the repetitive movement of objects common in individuals with developmental disabilities and most prevalent in people with autism spectrum disorders. It is also commonly seen in people with anxiety disorders such as obsessive–compulsive disorder, ADHD, and Tourette syndrome, and in people with neurological disorders or brain infections. It is a considered a protective response to over-stimulation, in which people calm themselves by blocking less predictable environmental stimuli, to which they have a heightened sensitivity. Sensory processing disorder is also given as a reason by some therapists for the behavior. Another theory is that stimming is a way to relieve anxiety and other emotions.

Many Aspies stim when young but learn to suppress this behavior as they get older. The only stims I had was thumb sucking and biting my nails. Those were behaviors I exhibited when I was stressed. At least they were the only ones I was aware of.

Personally, I hate the term "stimming", I find it grating to say/read/hear.

However, saying "self-stimulation" causes too many questions.

The peripheral nervous system is two directional. Nerve pulses are sent out to control the contraction of muscles and sensory information is returned via the nervous system as well. The hand flapping of a child is often changed to something less noticeable as the child begins to understand how others see them.

For example, a person may touch or rub the face more often than is typical, but such actions can often be considered within a "normal" range.

Aspegers people may need to cause neurological sensations to sort of establish a baseline threshold so that sensory information below that can be safely ignored. For example if a radio receiver is turned up all the way, the detection of a signal can be too loud. However, if the volume is kept at a more reasonable level, then suddenly coming across a station should not be too alarming. Stimming (even in its less obvious forms) may simple be a way to insure the "volume" control does not get too high.

Still slightly confused...
To me, its not something Im consciously deciding to do. Sometimes Im unaware of it, or I catch myself doing it after a while. In all honesty most of the time someone points it out and I realized Ive been fidgety. And everything Ive read says its something to do to calm down or make you feel better when ur anxious, which I get but Im pretty sure I still do things when Im alone or when its calm and quiet too. And I cant really tell if it does make me feel better in a stressful situation. I dont really know why Im doing it at all! I spent the whole day today marking down any time I did something that could be considered stimming with a note of where I was and what I was doing. It just....it doesnt seem like theres a point to it for me. I cant tell if doing it makes me feel any better, I just know that I cant NOT do it. Like...physically cant stop. Which in all honesty makes me feel worse cause now that I know what to watch for its kinda embarrassing...

The truth is that I don't actually know the hard definition of "stimming", as I've never fully researched it. I do, however, understood the idea behind it; basically, from what I can tell, it's a lot of fidgeting and motion. I do sometimes just mess around a bit, finger drumming and fiddling with toggles but I don't think it's prominent for me.

The thing is that, if stimming is just a kind of stimulation, that may also mean that lack of eye contact could be considered under the category (I usually find I look everywhere but at the person I'm speaking to).

That's my opinion, though. It may be very different to how I assume it is.

I have ADHD and I have been able to cope with it over the years. But I do have some overload from it and to soothe myself I do some repetitive behaviors - flicking my feet around. Or shaking my legs also flapping my hands. I grunt when alone or also blow in and out continuously when overwhelmed. Some of these NTs do too. But maybe not as often. If I hold myself back from doing any of these when overwhelmed I feel like I might burst. And go into a shutdown/mental confusion or have headaches.

I think that whether something is stimming or not is about the why more than the what.
My experience is of several categories (there may be others)...

- Stress relief.
- Excitement.
- A "standard measure" for calibrating sensory perception.
- To make the mind feel more like it occupies the body.

The form they take can be absolutely anything which stimulates a sense in a repeatable way, including less obvious senses such as proprioception (sense of where body parts are positioned) and interoception (internal body feelings like the sensation of a full stomach.) Some forms might be used for any of the categories, others only for a subset of them.

I don't think it is at all an exclusively autistic thing, though much more prominent for autistic people (in general) because we're more likely to have sensory processing differences, additional causes of stress, and attentional problems. Neuro-typical people often pace, fidget or wring their hands when they are nervous, which they have learned are socially acceptable forms of stress relief stimming. These and other socially acceptable forms don't generally get labelled as "stimming", of course, but I don't think that they are fundamentally any different. The less socially acceptable forms might still be performed by neuro-typical people when they are experiencing particularly extreme situations.