People annoy/irritate me

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I have had this problem since I was 12, although it goes away for long periods, but then eventually comes back and stays with me for weeks/months.

It is that I find the inconsistencies in people's behavior, and more specifically, the gap between what they are saying and they are actually doing almost unbearable. Related to this is the fact that they seem to be oblivious to these and get offended when it is brought up. It is like they were either blind or just really dumb, and don't even want to get a more objective view of themselves/some situations.
I also find the lack of independence/autonomy in most of them very unappealing, which I think prevents me from entering into a relationship with anyone at the moment. I am very happy on my own doing my own stuff; I am good at making both short and longer term plans for myself. However, this doesn't seem to be the case with everyone as most people panic when they have to be on their own and set their own goals.
All those who are close to me have autistic traits/are on the spectrum themselves, my family included, but because of my work/living circumstances I have a fair amount of contact with neurotypicals. However, these observations are valid for both group I think, altough my autistic friends seem to be much more autonomous and self-reliant.

On my worst days I feel I hate everyone and want to shout at people or just plain ask them why they are talking so much BS, and point out how what they are saying doesn't add up with their behaviour (this later sometimes I do).

I know there is no point to despair over what seems to be the general human condition - and I am well aware that I myeself can be inconsistent -, but these feelings keep coming back. It is like a bubbling frustration/irritation under my skin that often leads me to withdraw from social situations until it goes away. These times I see only the ugly things in everyone, even though I know that they have many good qualities too.

How could I better cope with this?

Most people are like this which is why I have exactly zero friends. It used to bug the heck out of me, but now I'm just numb to people and their stupid ways. I pay no attention to anyone anymore, it's easier that way.

At times people's inconsistency and lack of integrity with their word has really distressed me. I would look for the reasons behind it - like were they just disrespectful or really unintelligent? Some NTs are more loose with their words than others. I came to understand though that I was only seeing the literal content and implications of their verbal communication. I'm pretty literal in speech. There are whole layers of communication that I was blind to - things like social bonding where one person might echo the other as a sign of social acceptance even though they might not truly mean what was said. And also there was jockeying for position in the social hierarchy, where there could be subtle put-downs (including weird jokes) or "damning with faint praise", etc. to put oneself above the other socially. And some people would just make vulgar talk as a way to subtly threaten peers - possibly they were not well educated or were insecure about intellectual talk, so they would establish a more vulgar mode of conversation which they were more comfortable with. Sometimes people were trying to recruit allies into a point of view that supported them in struggles that could be hidden until you knew them better. Other folks would gossip or establish a sort of false moral superiority by making charged statements about an "in-group" and "out-group" (I used to attend vegan dinners and events and this happened a lot). I limit my socializing and I feel more comfortable when there is a goal to it, in part to avoid the annoyance and irritation you describe in your post. I do end up often avoiding people where their actions and words don't align - it's hard to trust them or to know how to act around them. And it's hard not to point out their inconsistencies Sometimes I can even enjoy the weird non-literal social dimensions to what people say - they can sometimes be funny. Other times I feel uncomfortable and even somewhat threatened by it.

Do you know why the problem goes away for periods of time and then returns? Is there anything different going on in your life during the periods when you are bothered by people’s inconsistencies and lack of autonomy? I ask because I find that I am much less tolerant of irritating things that people do when I am extremely stressed about something or when I am very tired. (And being very stressed will almost always mean poor sleep and being very tired.) This doesn’t change the fact that certain human behaviors are just annoying. But when I am not particularly worked up about other things, I can handle the irritating interactions much more effectively and without getting worked up myself.

I can’t always control whether or not I am stressed out. But knowing that it affects my tolerance of others is useful. For example, there are some days where I can just tell that I would find many interactions annoying. On those days, I will try to work at home or lock myself in an office. I fortunately have a job that makes this possible. I will also try to do things that can help facilitate sleep, like not focusing on a problem right before bed. I am not always so successful with that one, but at least I am aware I should be doing it.

@Olivia_H, not having any friends wouldn't work for me. I have always had a few close friends and I think I prefer to keep it this way, even though it means that I occasionally have to put up with annoying behaviour.

@EyeDash, Analysing people and seeing all their different layers is one of my main entertainments during my 'normal' periods; however, in this annyoyed/irritated state I just find them increasingly disgusting the more I analyse their behaviour. Especially the constant struggle for power, status etc.... No wonder Nietzsche went mad since he saw it perfectly clearly. The best I can do I think is to focus on my special interests that don't involve people.

People are so fricking power hungry and status obsessed. It is definitely irritating as hell to deal with all the time. Dealing with people who are incompetent at their jobs is really exhausting too. I would much rather be with my cats and birds.

If I were to analyze this, I'd say you find people annoying and irritating because people are actually annoying and irritating.

I find that most people are annoying, because they are.