How do you deal with anger/frustration?

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Hi,

So, long story short, I'm autistic and physically disabled (broke back, both shoulders bad, feet bad, etc.. ) ... Basically, as a result of my disabilities I'm always in pain, and I'm always alone.

Friends/family don't really talk to me... Haven't had a house guest in 8 years not including repair guys, etc...

As a result of my life being the way it is, I'm always near boiling point. Things that wouldn't use to get under my skin, do, in a short period of time now...

I am not someone who normally throws fits and does stuff like punch inanimate objects or throw things, but frankly it's starting to happen... Just the other day, I had a series of events that pissed me off so much that I literally threw my Note 8 on the floor w/out thinking. Of course that destroyed the screen, costing me close to $300. That's not the first casualty of this BS. In fact I'm so weak physically that I just slammed my fist down on my desk a few weeks ago and tore my rotator cuff (tore the other years ago lifting something I shouldnt have).

I feel like an idiot, but this kind of thing is happening more and more often.... Honestly I've gotten damn close to straight up ramming people off the damn road with my car. (yes, same s**t is starting to cause road rage)...

I don't really know what to do... Antidepressants don't help because I'm not depressed because of a chemical imbalance, I'm depressed because I dont seem able to have real relationships with anyone, and my physical health and low income (disability) take away my ability to do much of anything else I enjoy.

If my parents weren't around, quite honestly I'd just off myself because I have no other reason to exist really, however that's not really an option until they are gone.

I dunno, I can't physically "blow off steam" ... Can't go 10 rounds with a punching bag, can't even really go for a f*****g walk. Sure stuff like Xanax can calm me down but that just makes me want to sleep... and the anger is not predictable. I could take Xanax after I get upset, but it usually happens so fast I don't realize its happening until it's over, like something just snaps for a minute...

I do something, then spend the rest of the day regretting it and hating myself for it, which makes everything worse.

Just running out of ideas... I can't seem to figure out how not to be like this... I feel miserable, and I'm at the point where I hate anyone who isn't. Like I get seriously angry when I hear about how great some peoples lives are (talking about just normal people living normal lives, not jealous of super rich people or anything) ...

heh, I live on an island, a block from a beach, and I can't even go and sit on the beach and relax to feel better... I see too many "happy" people and it makes me angry they get to have a life and are having a fun day at the beach with their family and friends. It makes an already bad mood worse, going to the beach and trying to relax and enjoy the beauty does exactly the opposite of what most people would think.

Seems silly being surrounded by amazing natural beauty, and instead of enjoying it, it actually makes you want to go home and cry.

Would love to hear if any of you have dealt with this kind of stuff and have found a way to cope.

Thanks

I found a measure of peace from similar concerns, by moving out to the woods to be a hermit age also helps, i'm too old and tired to care anymore.

Have you tried writing?
Like writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal or something like that?
I'm just thinking that it might be a way to get your emotions out in a more controlled way.

when I was younger and fitter I would run as fast and hard as I could until I was exhausted, then swim laps until I was even more exhausted, then i'd sleep and not think about it during my sleep.

I'm physically disabled too, but I manage to have a reasonably good life due to a nice husband (who unfortunately has early stage Alzheimers, but that's a different story) and two dear cats. I also have a higher income than you do.

It sounds like you could benefit from some home visits by a caregiver. Contact your county or your disability agency to see if that is available - I bet it would be. These people can come in, do some light housekeeping, chat with you or play cards, cook, etc.

You might also get hooked up with a group you can socialize with. A social worker might be able to connect you ... see what help you can get from the disability agency.

I know it can be terribly discouraging, but these are efforts you need to make. Good luck.

Maybe there is an anger management support group near you? That way you can learn to channel your anger in a positive way & be able to connect with humans in a similar situation. Good luck to you.

^^^if he's anything like me, he might need to physically work out all that anger or else he'll just toss and turn if he tries to nap it away.

Perhaps moving out to a small town would be a good idea since the presence of a large number of people is never agreeable to anyone who's on the spectrum. Myself included. I would suggest no more than 3,000 population. This would definitely solve the road rage issue of which I also have a problem with.

Meditation is also another good idea but stay away from that Transcendental Meditation crap as you might be inviting evil spirits into your life.

Perhaps the greatest thing that you need to accomplish for yourself is to accept the fact that you might enjoy being alone more than you do being around people. But if you choose to be around people make sure they're acceptable and positive personals. One of the fundamental truths about being Autistic is that we avoid people like the plague and this shouldn't be a source of angst for you. Being alone is okay and that's a fact.

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

One of the paradoxes of autism is that everyone, even the autistic person, needs some human connections; but for the autistic person, human connections can be stressful and noxious. So we need to find ways to maneuver through these tricky waters.

Acceptance and understanding, by the people we must interface with, will go a long way. But we are still far from that point, as a society.

I agree with bea's suggestions, but have a few things to add.
Try to find a support group in your area.
Admit to yourself that you are angry, but try to actively look for a few good things that happen to you as well.
Even if you have a low income, you probably have something you enjoy. Let yourself focus down into it, especially once you notice your anger. Don't let yourself sit in your anger, do something.

I will generally do something to distract myself from it, whether it's listening to music, working in the garage or spending time with the animals.

Screaming can also help.

As well, doing writing can work.

I like to sing really loud when home alone. Helps to live in the country.

At 17 I was taught how to do progressive relaxation, systematically tensing and releasing each set of muscles. This was wonderful.

At 34 I was taught simple breathing techniques from yoga - the first of these was a four phase set: inhale for the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, exhale for the count of 4, pause for the count of 4. I did ten of these sets at the start and it had a huge effect.

Thereafter in my life, in times of great stress, I combine both techniques, then sink into a very deep sleep, from which I awake feeling refreshed and recharged, able to cope and face things constructively.

I am so grateful to the people who handed on that knowledge years ago, it has served me well for decades since.

Sounds like where I was a few months ago. The first thing I did was start keeping track of the days I was over reacting and angry. It was sort of a challenge...I called it a 21 day challenge....21 days to try and keep my cool. For a few months, the longest I went was a week, until I started noticing a pattern. They were usually days I had a lot more stress. Days that my routines for coping couldn't keep up with the energy it took to remain calm. So I kept doing that, and I recognized another pattern. A lot of the time, I was reacting and it had something to do with the way I was raised. My parents were really controlling, not in a good way, so I realized I had baggage to deal with from my parents. A lot of my negative self talk was probably projected onto me from 1) my parents attitude and actions towards me, and 2) my perception of my parents attitude and actions. I've been dealing with that baggage, and am trying to let it go...resetting my negative talk to something more encouraging with affirmations like, "you can do this, one step at a time, everything's going to be okay, etc," deep belly breathing for panic.....overall, it doesn't help sensory issues, but just lessening the occurrence of triggers helps it become more manageable. Is there any baggage you have that you've been putting off? If you do, recognizing and taking steps to deal with it, will help.

I immerse myself into my arts and crafts and work on them until I'm feeling calm and tired enough to take a nap.