Aspergers & Not Communicating

Post Reply New Topic

I been emailing my cousin, she complained that I’m not emailing her too much. Why Aspergers can have a hard time emailing or texting alot?

Because of the social/communication deficits I guess. Maybe someone would not pick up on how much attention the other person wants. Maybe someone responds only when asked a direct question.

Or maybe someone doesn't have the executive functioning skills to balance multiple emails and texts with other activities.

I suspect that not emailing/texting much is more of an individual trait than an Aspergian trait.

Information for the pot, when I approach exhaustion communication is one of the first things to drop off.

Most people who stop talking to me or get annoyed with me is due to lack of communication.

I actually prefer text communication to live communication. I don't have to invest in emotions via text, and I can usually scan for any possible miscommunications I might make before I send a text. I don't use the texting shorthand...I write everything out.

Email for me is a chore and I hate doing it. It is too slow for it to be productive, requires me to keep watch on my email box (so it wastes my time), and email writing etiquette is usually too formal for my taste. It always seems to be loaded with expectation that it has to be professionally done.

I avoid it when I can.

But yes, when I am done with social communication, I am done, so I just stop completely. It is probably off-putting for people.

It usually doesn’t even occur to me that a person might want me to get in touch (unless they have initiated something, in which case I try to get back as soon as I can) until it’s been more than a month since our last communication I think for me it’s just that I’m not a social creature and do not naturally seek direct social interaction. And when it does occur to me, I have horrible anxiety about initiating any kind of social interaction with anybody outside of immediate family (and sometimes even including them). I don’t know why it makes such a big difference to me if I have to initiate, but it does.

I not only have social skills problems with friends, I have problems talking to my family. I had no problems talking to my last boyfriend through text.

I have been told I write too much and too little (too many words and too infrequently, or too few words and too frequently --- really I can't win with some people). I prefer written communication to spoken communication.

For some reason I took it on board from an early age that it was discourteous not to reply to anything said or written to me, and to this day I probably reply too often, even when the communication doesn't really warrant it. Sometimes messages come in when I'm busy and then it's a pain in the butt to have to distract myself to deal with them, but I've always liked it when people answer me, so I nearly always do it. I don't if it's an advertiser or a stalker (same thing really). Similarly, I always say hello to people I know if I happen to see them (as long as I don't strongly dislike them), or if somebody visits the house (even if I'm in another room, I like to at least put my head round the door and greet them) and I like to say goodbye when we part.

So all in all I'm probably quite communicative for an Aspie, though I don't always know what to say to people between the hello and goodbye, and I can get quite worn down when people keep talking to me for a long time. But I like it when it doesn't go on for too long and when I happen to be able to think of anything worth saying, and I like to be genial with people and to take part in conversation with them. On the other hand, put me in a group of chatterboxes and I'll probably become very withdrawn, not that they're likely to notice. Most groups don't bother to leave spaces for me to contribute. Not surprisingly I much prefer one-on-one.

Hey Kitty I consider you a sweet friend, and you know that I would be there more for you, if I lived closer. I get that communication via email, messages etc mean that for many of us, there's an understanding that at times, it's hard for us to regularly and promptly reply to each other. Fortunately, when writing to friends on the spectrum, we usually explain how we tend to disappear for abit, but we continue to care and think of each other. If support is ever needed, we'd drop everything to be there for them and lend support and advice, caring etc.

When it comes to NT's(I have both NT and ND friendships that are very dear to me) and because they know me, and I know them, hence the deep, long lasting friendships, there's an acceptance of one another. They know that no matter how long I or they take to reply, I have their back and they have mine. Friends become like family to me.

There's somerthing very special about the silent understanding, that breaks in interaction don't represent severed ties. It means no matter what, you and they will be there for one another when it counts most.

I’m doing alright, thanks kitty. Sorry how hard things are there on a daily basis for you. I hope that one of these days, you’ll have a good friend, someone who lives nearby to be that support for you.

That’s good that your neighbour takes care of your trash for you. That’s something. My Scottish neighbour brings my bin back in for me every Thursday. He doesn’t need to, but does it out of kindness, as I mow his lawn when I do mine, and was able to do his shopping for him and his wife during the lockdowns here. Community support is important. Maybe there’s a Neighbourhood app where you are, that people can post questions when they need a bitmof extra support etc? I have that here. I’ve used it when asking for recommendations for a tree surgeon, and gutter cleaning help. People seem only too happy to give their advice and input, which really helps.

Meet ups and support groups might be good, but only if you can manage to get about on the day. I know how hard that can be from one day to the next for you. Covid doesn’t make things any easier in this respect. Here, things are pretty much back to normal again in most ways. Masks are now optional, even in stores, as the vaccine uptake was high, the worst of it appears to have passed. How are things there? My friends and family in Aus are telling me how hard it is there at the moment.