What does autism mean to you?

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Part of why I like this forum is that it radically expanded my idea of what it means to be autistic, and I would love it if it could be expanded further. What does autism mean to you? What do you imagine when you hear the word? How would you define it?

To me, there is no one meaning of autism. Autism is a collection of traits. It is the way my brain is wired. It means being extremely sensitive to the world and confused by social/emotional things. Autistic traits can manifest differently in everyone. I notice that some people seem to "blame" all of their autistic traits on one underlying trait. For example, Temple Grandin says that for her autism mainly means thinking in pictures. Others say that their autism mainly means having sensory issues. Etc.

Me.

It is many types of differences the world hasn't ever built around. Being highly specialized to fill certain roles.

We are bricks, that cannot fill the role of mortar and would be broken if we try. The Nt's are that mortar, flexible and fit to fill gaps and hold society together, but without us the wall of society could never be built. (and conversely, without them the wall would fall apart.)

All our problems come from the worlds desire for sameness, keeping people from being able to fill their best roles and instead are forced into ones they cannot fill.

Not sure what autism is to me -- other than both a blessing and a curse, certain brain wiring differences that puts me to different inclinations and choices, and acknowledge just as that.



But I do know that autism is not to me:
Autism is not my past nor are circumstances. My present and future are not defined by my failures and struggles as an autistic, but as a human with flaws.
Nor do my present and future are plagued by circumstances of loss and suffering. Anyone could mourn or hurt for years, anyone could be bullied and excluded, and anyone could get abused and traumatized for whatever reason -- that's not what autism is to me.

Autism is not all about stimming, seeking order, maintaining sensory diets, coping anxieties, and dealing with the world in ways NTs do not -- as those are but the human needs and reactions towards autism, and not autism itself.
So do are 'odd' reactions, preferences, 'traits', and behaviours -- and how NTs reacts to it.

Autism isn't really the learning disability, nor the processing disorders, but more like an ingredient for having one. The same principle goes with ending up with intellectual disability, giftedness, savantism, 'talents', and more complicated cases of exceptionalities and spiky aptitude profiles.
Autism are not the comorbidties itself. More like comorbities are the outcome of the human mind interacting with the autistic 'system'.

Autism is not some role or ranges of expectations to me. As are autism is not a choice of a person, nor a choice of another.

Autism, to me, is definitely NOT some social disorder or some personality quirk!!1!1!111 It's something deeper and more serious than a mere collection of 'traits'.



There might be more, but I don't have the time...

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the whole world is playing a game according to rules you were never taught.

constant confusion

It's an answer and an explanation for why I am the way I am. I never understood why I didn't fit in and seemed so strange by others' standards. After so long, it's finally an understanding.

It's a hardship. It often means awkwardness, limitations and loneliness. It means frustration. It's depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, OCD and ADHD. It means coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do some of the things that other people easily manage and that I think I should be able to do. It means I have to be gentler with myself than I have been in the past. It means it's not my fault; it's simply how my brain is wired. It means taking a lot of toxic drugs just to maintain some semblance of functionality.

It's also a gift. It's intelligence, creativity and a unique perspective. This lends itself well to photography and creative writing. It's a natural affinity for languages including music. It's an ability to connect with animals. It's something I'm learning to be grateful for as well as frustrated by. I'm not sure that I would trade the gifts for "normalcy," though perhaps in the past I might have because I wanted so badly to belong. Now I am planning to get a tattoo that says "Never Belong." That is the advice that I would have given to my younger self.

It makes me different, for better and for worse.

I'll go with the pithy.

I won't define Autism because it won't define me.

It means that I have a unique way of looking at the world and I march to the beat of a different drum. It means that I live in my own little world that's made of art. I see that as a good thing. I know what my next ideas are going to be. It also means that I roam freely and live life according to my own rules. I'm also an old soul who'd rather support the vets than celebrate the legalization of Pot. I do Remembrance Day all year round which may seem odd to women who are real ladies. I'm a Volkswagen in a world of Vespas, Jaguars, Rolls Royces and Minis.

I always liked to say that autism is like thinking on a different wavelength

For me, it's finally understanding after 46 years that I'n not a weird antisocial lumino-intolerent sound-hypersentitive with super specific fields of interest, and not giving a damn on other subjects....

Being diagnosed gave me an answer, and made me understand that I'm not alone with those challenges. Now instead of being anxious and stressing myself out in trying to fit in the wrong mold, I accept that I'm different, and understand my limitations to neurotypical expectations. I play by my own rules, try to not isolate myself too much, and overall, I'm feeling a lot better than 2 years ago (before my diagnose)

I like to think that it means that those on the spectrum have the ability to filter through the social BS and see things how they really are. Having that ability does not make one's life easier though.

In a way, it is like looking at a Picasso and mentally seeing the art that exists within it, rather than how some people might see it as "junk" because they cannot process the design with their mind due to the effect of social interactions that they are currently thinking about. It is too abstract for them to do. They only know that a Picasso is valuable, but cannot appreciate it as a work of art.