Am I the only "mute" aspie here?

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When I am in human company such as college or workplace. I rarely talk, because most of the time, I don't have anything to say.

I may talk only on Wednesday with my coworkers for example, but not talk on all other days in a week. I am a very quiet person.

I talk only when I have inspiration or an idea what to talk about, until that comes, it may take days, even weeks.

I have zero friends. I don't know how to make friends and maintain them. I am involuntarily friendless.

I am not selectively mute. Why? Because I want others to talk to me and I want me to talk to others. It doesn't matter who I am with, it doesn't make a difference.

Also, my quietness is also involuntary. I wish I am able to maintain long conversations like neurotypicals.

I really want to say something, but I can't think of anything what to say and words won't come out of my mouth.

The point is that I don't know what to talk about with other people. I am clueless what to talk about.
I don't refuse to talk to other people, and I gladly respond to anyone who tries to talk to me.

It feels like the part of my brain responsible for talking is brain-dead. I'm not claiming that this is like this in my brain, I am just saying it feels like this. When I see other people talking and socializing with ease, I feel somewhat intellectually inferior and socially ret*d.

I am not a truly mute person, because I can talk, in this thread the word mute describes being very quiet, not complete muteness (the definition of muteness is the complete disability to talk).

I have below average social skills, not too bad, but still not good enough for neurotypical standards.

Muteness prevents and disables me from gaining friends, having friends and maintaining friendships.

Are there any other aspies that are struggling or have struggled with muteness or am I just a enigmatic human being?

a good number of nonverbal and partially verbal people here.

my only friends are family. It's easy to have conversations with them because we have a shared history.

I like how you talk when you have an inspiration or idea to talk about.
I think that's pretty cool. It means you are capable of being a very interesting person.

It's OK to be quiet if you have nothing to say.

I get what you're saying.

you're not literally "mute". You just don't talk in public (like at school or work). You don't talk unless...you actually have something to say. Definitely not normal behavior. And though it maybe "okay" to act that way it doesn't really get you anywhere in life. So its good that you have the urge to become more like NTs in use of conversation.

I was like that until around 18. Between highschool and college I kinda progressed to being more normal in using conversation. But even then it was hard, and I needed coaching how to start conversations.

And even now, as my girlfriend observed, at parties I will be silent and observe for a while before I figure out what kinda things are cool to talk about in the particular crowd I am in -and only then join the conversation.

If you want to be more outgoing you can read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Actually you don't hafta read it, just adopt some of Carnegie's thinking. Like allow other folks to do the talking. Ask questions. Let folks talk about themselves. Like a new guy I kinda bonded with a work - would just yammer on about sports. I don't know crap, nor give a crap, about sports. But I would listen to him enthusiastically talk about it, and I would pick up a point here and there like how he was disappointed with our town's baseball team AND with our towns football team. So I said to him "so which of our teams do ya think is worse this year? Football or baseball?" And his eyes lit up and said "OHHHH....GOOD QUESTION. and gleefully went in that topic". I didn't really process anything he said, but...I picked up the emotional vibe that he thought I was a cool dude who was a great conversationalist. And I only had to utter a few key words at a few key moments.

Oh, that's a great example! thanks, naturalplastic.

I have not found no other "muteness" on the internet other than selective muteness and complete muteness.

Are people completely unaware that this kind of debilitating "muteness" exists?

My kind of "muteness" differs both from selective muteness and complete muteness. I am surprised and gutted that there is no information or awareness about this type of muteness on the internet. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Note that I deliberate use the word "muteness" instead of quietness, because I only can talk when I have something to say. And because quietness is sometimes ignorantly confused with shyness or selective mutism.

I believe that my "muteness" is caused by Asperger syndrome.

I find it strange that there are no mentions of "muteness" as a possible symptom of Asperger syndrome.

I don't know, I think you underestimate how complicated selective mutism actually is. I have it, and your description of it sounds very similar to my situation. It's not always "who" you are with, but also when you are with them, who else is around, how much stress you are under, how much sleep you got that night, etc. etc.

And it's not "unwilling to talk", but "unable". If I'm under a lot of stress, I can't even get a single syllable out without a LOT of effort, no matter who I'm with (and a single syllable is what I usually give most people on a good day).


A lot of folks on the spectrum don't have any sort of mutism, but it would probably be bunched in with the rest of the common anxiety disorders that we suffer from. A lot of it might be something we just develop, too. I know that personally, my muteness would probably be a little less severe if I wasn't constantly told to "shut up" when I was a child.

There is a sticky thread in the Haven called "communication differences and difficulties", or something like that. It's pretty interesting. Not very active though.

Not mute, but I am extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers and especially so in a group setting. I very rarely say anything unless it's necessary. The exception is if I am among people I trust. It takes a long time to gain that trust. Don't have a lot of friends though because I don't get out much and have a hard time initiating conversations. It's kind of a vicious cycle.

Alas I had to fake it for many years at work but it was so terribly hard to talk to people, especially strangers. I dreaded it every time a customer came in or the phone rang. Every single time I just wanted to hide instead of talking to them but unfortunately it wasn't an option. Finally I couldn't handle it anymore. While I am able to appear polite and articulate when trapped into conversation, inside I am a complete mess. It really is a feeling of being trapped or cornered and forced to "perform."

When severely stressed / overstimulated I have difficulty getting out any words at all.

Oddly enough I talk to animals with no problem. It's other humans that make me clam up.

Same with me. I don't talk much. For me it's like a translation into a foreign language.
I have probably selective mutism too - sometimes I can't talk when I feel bad or I can only answer in one word.
Even if I do not feel bad, I don't know what to talk to people about. I'm not able to tell a long stories. I'm very brief.
I often have to write what I want to say.

it's good for me when people talk about some practical problem or when I can play some game with other people or do some other activity. But just talk is very hard for me.

There is an organization called Toastmasters. It was formed specifically to help people become comfortable in public speaking. You might find that some of the skills that you could develop there would also help in one on one conversations.

I don't talk to many people, but I've managed to improve my speech in quite a significant manner over the past three or four years. I used to feel locked up on speech, like I'd want to speak to somebody, I'd have the intention to but simply couldn't.

I think it must stem from deep rooted anxiety, beyond conscious and into subconscious territory, perhaps the result of mild trauma or humiliation. I don't know for certain.

All it really takes is getting a grasp on your own self confidence. It's hard to know how to directly fix it but practice via exposure therapy is a good place to start.

I was selectively mute until ages 16 to 20 when a friend taught me how to speak to others.

Now, they can't shut me up.

I just want to say you sound exactly like me

This describes me well. I never know what to say, and I can never think of any questions to ask. I'm not mute, and I have no problems saying it if I have something to say.

But usually I have nothing to say. Sometimes I listen to other people talking, and might have thoughts on it but lack the need to speak them out loud, and am happy to just stay in my mind and keep it to myself.

I feel different about it though.

My quietness isn't involuntary, my inability to come up with anything to say is involuntary. I am quiet by nature, and I only see this inability as a problem when I actually want to get closer to someone, which isn't often. I really don't care when someone takes it on themselves to engage me in what becomes a fairly one-sided conversation.
Unlike OP, I don't want people to talk to me unless they have an actual reason to, or they are someone I really like.

I know I am expected to want to, but I don't.
I know I should want a network that I could benefit from, but in addition to not being able to, just the thought of wasting so much time on people make me frustrated and bored.

I'm not involuntarily friendless though, as I have never actively wanted friends, that is something that has never been turned on in me. Occasionally friendships still happen, but they don't leave me wanting more friends, and often they get in the way of me spending my time as I want. I have too little time as it is and it seems like time flies faster and faster.

I talk only when I have something to say, not just for gossip or chit chat. I work in a sales environment which can be very chatty and I am aware that I stand out as someone who hardly says a word. I enjoy the feeling of not talking, I am in my own world with my own thoughts, I have little interesting to say so say nothing. I am not interested in building rapport with colleagues or asking about what they have been up to. The amount of chat I have to overhear about who ate what for dinner and what they all saw on the telly leaves me baffled. I often just put headphones on and enjoy the noise cancelling button.