How to deal with autism and get rid of the problems.

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I found myself having AS and simply want to get rid of the problems. But as far as I can see are there many different emotionally problems all called together autism or Asperger's. Some of them are hardwired in the brain, some of them are the result of external influences. But because there are quite many different problems there is also not just one way for all of us to get rid of the problems. Some of us have a lack of emotions and emphathy, other can't deal with a big amount of emotions and empathie and others are simply strange because they are afraid of getting judged by other people. But the brain is not as hardwired as many people think. While you are learning new stuff the number of neurons in the related parts of the brain increases. The emotional part should not be different to this. For this we all are able to improve. But because there are so many different problems we have to sort them first. After that the people that share a common spectrum of problems should create groups who could better exchange about their specific problems and anything that helped them to improve themself. But I'm quite new to all of this stuff and may be such kind of statistics and groups of people already exist. What do you know about this?

Throughout my life, not knowing I was on the spectrum, I found some very interesting and creative ways to tackle the challenges I had. Some of which are definitely not recommended (such as drinking vast quantities of alcohol to subdue the anxiety etc - I don't drink any more.)

One hurdle I found insurmountable however was the socialising one. I have learnt to go through the motions, to pass as a seemingly well adjusted person, disguising my anxiety. Nodding and smiling all the while not having a clue what is being said because of the cacophony of noise and the rising panic within myself. I think of something to be able to add to the conversation, but because I can't enter the flow of conversation the moment passes. Etc. When I am not trying, and every now and again to see if anything at all has changed over the past decade, I will stand in a room of people at a gathering to see if anyone comes and talks to me. I'm talking people I know here - I understand strangers not talking to me. And every single time I stand there alone - people keeping well away from me. Anyway I am just listing here the problem that I cannot seem to solve. I dress nicely, take pains with personal hygiene, and keep what I think is a pleasant look on my face, but the fact is that people, other than other Aspies - who I get on with like a house of fire, avoid me like the plague. I don't understand chit chat, don't follow sport but can keep up a 'weather' conversation quite well... it eludes me.

Keeping a job is no longer a problem as I am retired now, but my elastic band of tolerance would not get past 4 years at a job - almost like clockwork. I get to 4 years and can no longer bear the boss, the work, or the workmates and I leave or am gotten rid of. Odd. Relationships were also a disaster but I now am with a fellow ASD person and we get by. Not super close but comfortable.

Maybe you could list The Problems and see if they line up?

I agree with the gist of what the OP is talking about. For a while, I kept thinking in a principled way that people should just accept me for who I am (or rather, what I have), which worked in some ways as I had a good circle of friends; but I still had struggles particularly with females. When I got my diagnosis at 27, I immediately worked on myself in several aspects, using some creative methods. For instance, I rented romcom DVDs and closely watched all the expressions and banter and whatnot, then I'd practice in front of the mirror. When I went on dates later on, my success rate gradually went up and I've got a loving family today.

For those reading, you should try picking up books by Joe Dispenza from the library - they are great sources on rewiring your brain, and even though he doesn't mention Aspergers I still believe that much of the neuroplastisticity concepts still apply to us.

There is no cure for Autism. Only some of the problems can be overcome, and only by ongoing effort in developing coping mechanisms. But first, each person must get over the idea that they are disabled, that they are victims, and that there is no hope for them.

Autism is like the Common Cold. It's very treatable, but it's incurable.

I agree with what you say, except I think it’s okay to think you are disabled. Its how you try and cope with your disabilities, how you adapt and move forward that matters.

Many of the problems that Aspies have are driven by stress and trauma. The rest are hard-wired. But if you can learn how to deal with the stress driven traits, the hard-wired ones are not that bad, and you can pass as close to normal.

So rather than work on therapy to make you more social or change you behavior, learn about therapies that help you deal with stress. Therapy targeting fear and stress such as programs that treat PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) help. These include somatic experiencing, beam life coaching, Tipi emotional regulation therapy, and exposure therapy.

Another problem - Trigger Warning -


- is that in some cases, such as my own, my inability to 'read' people and their intentions led to multiple abuses as a teenage girl, with a lifetime to heal from those traumas. If there is a solution to that problem then it needs to be a societal one. For example its not OK to go around raping girls just because they are like a deer stuck in the headlights and don't get out of the way quick enough. And I'm not saying all guys are like that - there are a lot of very decent people in the world. Or maybe if someone is diagnosed in their early teens they could be shown warning signs to look for.

I had this problem too. But since I'm started to read people I'm getting better at this. How to do it? Look at people whereever you are and imagine being the one you look at and ask yourself how you had to feel for being like this if using the same posture and movements. It takes some time but once you are used to it you'll start to recognise more and more subtle differences and become more and more able to read people. It's possible. My current problem is rather my lack of emotions and empathy. I'm have to find a trigger for this.

Last edited by quite an extreme on 18 Sep 2018, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's why I'm started this thread. We need to help each other with this because nobody knows a solution for everything. Some people are natural talents where other have to learn hard to become not even half as good. But the loser are always those that are not a natural talent and don't even try to improve.

What is the 'normal' amount of emotions. Does anyone know? I woke this morning and thought 'what am I feeling?' Because its been brought to my attention, otherwise I would never think this. There was no answer except 'neutral'. I am going to keep an eye on it.

For me it's not the question what amount normal is but what kind of feelings I'm unable to develop and for this I'm also unable to have any empathy for them. It's all kind of emotions that women develop towards men once they feel attracted beside sexual excitement (that I know). Women expect from a man to know this feelings and to feel empathy for them and don't get it if somebody lacks both totally. On this emotions bases love for most of the NT people.
There is a difference of being attracted without having any additional emotions and to feel strong attraction. There is also a difference between liking someone and to have good feelings if someone is near to you and to have feelings that cause the wish to lean on to him. The question marks indicate emotions that I don't even know how they are. I guess I got emotionally hurt in a quit nasty way as a child and started to suppress all kinds of such emotions towards other people. I have to learn to develop such emotions again even if I could be hurt again and I have to develop the ability to feel also empathy for them. For me is empathy a word only for noe and nothing that I really feel at all. But it makes me curious too.

I'm first time attended an autism meeting a couple of days ago. Because I'm able to read people now I recognised quite big differences. I think I could help many of this people to get rid of the not just totally hard wired problems.

Be as low-key as possible, as most of them won't understand you, and you're not getting through to them. Keep it fluffy for survival purposes. You can be more open when you've come to know them better. Be wary of advice that they give you in dealing with others, for NT advice assumes you're NT, too. Their advice may not work for us if applied. Understand that most of them won't get it, why you don't act the way that they would. Don't be deliberately deceptive, but don't be too honest with them either. It can be an excuse for them to treat you poorly, as (again) they won't understand where you're coming from and will have no reason to.

Bleak, but seems true.

You are right, thanks for the hint. Neverless I slowly improve even with the emotionally part and I also see it more relaxed now. For me it's quite a huge improvement that I'm able to read people now and knowing much better how to act even if I don't get anything.