Do you act differently around people you're comfortable with

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A few months ago, my therapist told me she suspects autism. I haven't been tested yet, and my mom and u don't talk about it. So it was odd and when my mom and I were in the car and she said "you have a personality, I haven't thought for a minute you're autistic." That was it. She didn't say anything else about it. The reason she mentioned that was because we had just left the hospital, and when I go anywhere unusual or loud or bright with people, I get very anxious and overwhelmed. I move a lot when I am anxious, and I stop speaking. I don't know why. It just takes so much more effort than usual. She gets angry at this. She also hates that I don't act "normally" and that people look at me odd. So she tries to make me stop, which doesn't really help when I don't know what I am doing wrong. She said I can't have autism because I don't act like that all the time, I calm down at home and show more emotion than when in public. Which I do act differently when I am comfortable with people. I show more of myself once I calm down. So is she right? Is it just anxiety?


(Apologies if this isn't coherent)

When we're in a comfortable environment, some of the energy we would otherwise be using up due to anxiety is accessible, thus making us more likely to spend it on different emotions etc. Anxiety is an extremely common comorbid condition for people with autism so I highly suspect anxiety is also involved. Obviously I'm not a professional so I can't diagnose anything, but I wouldn't rule out autism yet.

Your mother is not qualified so it's just an armchair diagnosis.

some members in my family would of bet money that I wasn't autistic.

Having a personality and not appearing autistic all the time does not discount autism.

Get a diagnosis , then you'll know

Olivia's right -- anxiety is a very a common co-morbid condition. I also have a friend with aspergers who was told something very similar to what your mom told you. Some little old lady told him he could't possibly be autistic because he is "so lifelike." It's a ridiculous thing to say. If your therapist suspects it, it's probably best to get tested asap so you can make the best use of all the info and resources should you need them.

Everyone acts differently around people they're comfortable with.

But yes, it is possible that your family perceives you as more 'normal' than you seem to be or feel in certain other situations.

When I mentioned towards my aunt that I am autistic, her reply was "BS!". When I told her it was diagnosed she went on about how incompetent and idiotic the psychologist who diagnosed me must have been. She said I couldn't be autistic because autistic people don't like social interaction and I do interact with people. My father got a bit angry and told her that that's a stereotype that got refuted when researchers first tried asking actual autistic people questions instead of just theorizing about them. Most people don't even know what autism is. Only because one person says you can't be autistic, or even if many say you can't, doesn't mean it's true.

I too seem more normal around people I know well than around strangers and anxiety disorder was a part of that for a long time. Now it's experience or lack thereof and that it's easier to react correctly when you have context and knowing a person gives context and that people who know me see who I am just as me being me and not so much as me being weird. Very close relationships are difficult too though. Something intermediate is where I seem the most normal.

Yes.

There’s a lot more to a diagnosis than just anxiety.

I have anxiety which I felt disabled by until I coped Up a bit. I do have ADD though that’s very under control now. And I guess I have other things that people think make me a bit odd. But otherwise I am told I am very normal by my therapists that I saw for depression and ADHD. They could be right. They could be wrong. It’s old news to me now.

When I first thought aspergers fit me very well I was very concerned myself. And my friends and family thought it fit me very well too. But I didn’t get s diagnosis.


And no I don’t act differently around ppl I am more comfortable with apart from being less anxious.

I would have to see you to say it for sure but I think so. The moves are quite often self defending movements of very small children. Some people only move that way because they are just afraid of getting judged by other people because other people sometimes watching quite strange. But the others only watch because of the strange movements. Once you just stop them all it's gone and other people don't watch any longer in a strange way. Stop your anxiety and all other people will treat you like any other girl.

(Your post was completely coherent.) I’m autistic and had a speech delay (until 4 years old) so I got diagnosed very young and my parents never talked about it at home. Most of the therapists that I’ve seen have suggested or hinted to me that I’m autistic at some point. I got mainstreamed in my education so I learned to do a good job acting like other (non-autistic) people. Over the years I’ve gotten really very good at acting non-autistic, but when I’m in a new place, or there is bright sunlight or loud noise or music or if I’m in an intense social setting (e.g. party or group dinner) I get overwhelmed and it takes a huge amount of energy to keep acting normally. I usually get quiet at those times, I might fidget more (although I’ve learned to do that without getting noticed much) or move to the edge of the crowd or just leave. Once I am familiar with a new place or with people I tend to relax some and I become more expressive. So I relate a lot to what you describe. It might be helpful to ask your therapist about an evaluation for autism spectrum disorder. There are also online tests that can give a rough idea if you might have autism as opposed to say simple social anxiety. Those tests are listed on WrongPlanet. It could be helpful because you can develop strategies to cope better with the challenges. Your mom isn’t helping by getting angry at your behavior, trying to stop how you are reacting or hating that you’re not acting “normally”. She may well have issues from when she grew up from being excessively shamed for behaviors that weren’t socially “normal” and is trying to help you in ways that are non-productive if you’re autistic. There are many misconceptions about people with autism – you’ll find that many of us have personalities, lol. But your mom increasing the pressure on you when you feel overwhelmed around people is the last thing you need. I find that in social situations having a friendly person around that is familiar helps me – it sort of takes the pressure off. And if you are autistic, then you can take some of the pressure off yourself plus you can check into how other folks here on WrongPlanet cope with such situations.

I act more like myself around my friends and I'm more likely to dress and act more like myself. I'm more anxious around my parents and there are things that I don't dare wear around them or even bring to their home. I'm also less talkative around my parents. I only do small talk with my parents. I talk to my friends about everything. I talk about y interests around my friends. I haven't talked to my parents about my favourite things for a very long time.