Taking things literally - funny moments? :)

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I thought I'd throw in a little levity here and ask if anyone's ever had a funny moment that's involved interpreting something literally - like a metaphor or a figure of speech. I don't mean funny as in people laughing AT you - that's certainly no fun at all - I mean funny as in people laughing WITH you.

To start, one of the most funny moments I can recall is when I was about 10 years old, and my mother used the expression "gilding the lily." I'm not sure about the exact circumstances surrounding her use of that particular phrase, but I'm fairly positive that it had something to do with my desiring to fully submerge a bowl full of Moose Tracks ice cream in chocolate syrup. When I asked my mother what the expression "gilding the lily" meant, she told me that it meant to "overdo" something (like putting chocolate syrup on Moose Tracks ice cream, for instance)....to detract from simple, understated beauties by making them stand out even more. When I asked what it meant to "gild" something, she explained that it meant to put a gold finish on it.

Not long afterward, we were visiting relatives in Minnesota and they were discussing something to do with decorating for a special occasion (perhaps for a family reunion, a wedding or baby shower) and they were discussing where to put a vase of flowers, or some streamers or whatever. My mom said, "Why don't we put them over there - there's hardly anything over there and already several things on this table right here." Then I chimed in (with all the sobriety in tone that a 10-year-old can muster), "Yes, and we must not put gold on the lily." This led to my mother and the other decorators bursting into laughter, and I just stood there like, "What? What'd I say?"

Anyone else have lighthearted moments of literal interpretation like these? Surely there are at least a few!

I can't think of any specific occasions at the moment but there have been plenty.

I know that feeling EXACTLY.

I remember when I first heard "cutting corners." We just had siding put on and we got very strong wind about three times and it blew some of the siding off our house. It turned out it was not put on properly and my mom told me why and she said they cut corners. I told her they had to cut the corners off to fit it near the roof and my mom had to explain it to me about a few more times and I explained to her again and again why they had to do it and I said finally "They had to cut corners so they could fit it on the house where the roof is" and mom explained to me what cutting corners really meant. Excellent time for the phrase to be used.

At my school we had a system where if you were being picked up by your parents you would go to an allocated area known as "Short Stay". I thought that meant that if your parents took too long to pick you up you would be stuck at school for the rest of the day because it hadn't been a short amount of time.

These happened between junior middle school and junior high. All involved girls.

1) A girl from my yard invited me to her birthday. At her house, I got quickly bored with the other kids and decided to start adding salt to the sodas, and then adding sugar to neutralize the salt. To my surprise the taste was vile. Anyway, after a bit of that, the girl's mom caught me in the corridor tying my shoes. "Leaving already?" she asked with surprise. "Why?"

"This is boring." I responded.

Never got invited again.

2) I read the class a lecture on programmable calculators and the exciting future of computing. It didn't go terribly, and so I was flying on the wings of non-failure. After that class, I came up to a girl I liked, in the school corridor, and asked her if she would like to hear more about programmable calculators. She smiled mischievously and said "yes". We agreed to meet under a staircase a couple of classes later.

When we did finally meet, I watched the anticipatory smile slowly disappear from her face, as I proceeded to read her a brand new lecture on programmable calculators. After a minute of that, a bunch of other girls from our class ran down the stairs, laughing, past us. They were eavesdropping.

3) A girl excitedly told me how she and another girl had a bit of a crush on me and were jealous of each other. It all fell on deaf ears. Then the programmable calculator lecture happened (above) and this girl figured it out. She said she had the magazines at her house which had code for programmable calculator games.

I remember ruffling through the magazines with excitement as she kept talking my ears off about erm, I suppose, in retrospect, she was flirting.

The magazines were fascinating.

She stopped talking to me after that. Permanently.

4) I finally developed a real crush on a girl, who knew it, and therefore used it as an opportunity to toy with me. We had a few phone conversations, where I quickly proposed my love to her, but she didn't stop talking to me. She just said those were very serious words, not to be used lightly. In retrospect, she seemed to understand my immaturity and didn't use it to mock me.

Much.

During one of our phone exchanges, she asked me what I thought of a girl she always hung around with. I honestly responded that her friend was pretty but not beautiful like she was.

There was a loud thud on the other end of the line. Turns out that girl was at her house, listening in to the conversation, and she fell off the chair.

Had this conversation with one of my lovely ASD students:

Him: I've broken my finger.
Me: Which one?
Him: (holding up his hand to show me) This one.
Me: That's your thumb.
Him: A thumb is a finger.
Me: No, a thumb is a thumb, otherwise it wouldn't have a different name. Collectively you can include a thumb as a finger but if you're talking about it individually it's referred to as a thumb. Does it hurt much?
Him: Not as much as talking to idiots.

I can't think of any at the moment, but a lot of my jokes involve pretending to take things literally. My mom, also an Aspie, often doesn't get that I'm joking and either gets confused or explains what she said as if I really took it literally. I guess that's kind of funny in and of itself, but it can be frustrating when I want a laugh and get a "Huh?" instead.

My husband and I were at a flea market in Montana and I am getting impatient when my husband is looking at a booth so he tells me to give him sixty seconds. I start to count down and he goes "Not literally, I mean like five minutes."

I was once online in an Asperger group and I was reading a post and it was my first time ever hearing "read between the lines" so I took out a book and tried to read both lines at once to see if I could do it and I found it hard so I went back on the computer and said wouldn't that be hard for everyone because I just tried reading between the lines and it was hard. Someone had to explain to me what it meant and I asked my mom about it and she started laughing and told me what it also meant and gave me examples. Women apparently read between the lines better than men. You can tell a female to do the laundry and they will know what to do but not a male. They would need step by step. It was like that with my brothers.

In third grade I remember one time that I was called to the office because I was being "checked out", as in checked out of school. I just got up and started to go to the office without bringing my stuff with me, and some kids started to say, "Hey, you have to bring your stuff!" and I said, "Why? They are just checking me out." and then I left before anyone could say anything else. I thought it meant that they were literally going to inspect me, check me out it was really awkward when 2 minutes later I had to come back into the classroom and get my stuff while everyone stared at me.

Probably one of the funniest though was when I was around 3 or 4 years old. At the time my mom still regularly took us to church. So one day she was driving us somewhere, and I was the only other one in the car just riding in my booster seat. The sun was directly in my eyes. I was really irritated about it, and I suddenly just said, "I hate Jesus." My mom was like, "What? Why do you hate Jesus?" and I said something to the effect of, "Well he's shining right in my eyes! Isn't he the 'sun' of God?"

I was taking the elevator at the build i work at, it stopped at the the 3° floor and a lady asked:
"Go down?"
I answered:
"Yep, and go up too. You decide by pressing those buttons".

This made me laugh out loud

Same here, I can't think of an example but I have experienced that many times. Other people laughing at what I said and I have no idea why.

The one expression I hear a lot is, "It's a joke!" and I'll respond with "Oh, is it?"

One time, my friend was randomly telling me how her dad 'had an Indian in his garden', I immediately thought she meant Indian person and was completely confused to why that was, she just though I assumed she meant food lol

What does "An Indian in his garden" mean? When I first read it, I thought it was referring to a native American Indian. I've never heard of that one.

P.S.
I knew there wasn't really a person in the garden

Once when my son was younger, I asked him a question and he didn't answer me. So I asked him again. No answer. I asked again. Still no answer.

So I said: "Are you going to answer me, or are you just going to sit there?"

His response, in the most matter-of-fact tone possible: "I am just going to sit here."

Another time I told him I would take his sister with me to the store "So she won't get in your hair."

"She can't. It's too short."

He has gotten much better and sometimes now he makes a joke of it and pretends to take things literally, when he really understands that they aren't meant to be literal (though he often cannot decipher what the figurative meaning is).