‘mother hen friends’ (or father?)

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My friend frm Facebook Rose Guedes who has amazing videos n blogs about Autism and Ehler Danlos Syndrome,

shared a graphic fr ASd females

One point says ‘has only one mother hen friend at a time’
That is true for me!

Mother type friends - someone caring and possibly street smart, to look up to/boss you around/give structure n guidance. Reassurance n guidance as well as reliable.

Whereas other ppl tend to have friendships on an equal level, I cannot.
And definitely no more than one overall at a time.

The other ‘friends’ tended to be this ‘mother hen’ type’s friends who became ‘friends’ by association rather than directly.

Actually even my younger sister serves this purpose despite being 7 years younger.

I was wondering whether this applies to others here, regardless of gender?

Woudn't work for me, if you mean would I want one (or more) "hens" in my life. I'm too independently-minded and I don't trust any individual to know it all. Don't get me started on being bossed around. My autism probably isn't severe enough for me to need a hen to look after me.

This.
And just reading the "boss you around" part made me a bit annoyed.
Not for me

Idk why but i need that. I literally need to ask ppl to boss me around as I cannot get hby without instruction n constantly checking in

That makes sense. Maybe your executive functioning n understanding is especially good compared to mine. Actually reading voraciously has helped tremendously with understanding/attaining some small degree of independence but that still needs someone to constantly direct me . hyperlexiA helps it out .

I was surprised nobody else has this experience, on my facebook there were several ppl agreeing

SAME. I wish I could say Im super independent.....but honestly I cant do anything by myself. I actually kinda have that friend. She wouldnt normally be called a 'mother hen' to anyone else, and she mostly just teases me and complains the whole time Im with her, but she hangs out with me sometimes and feeds me every now and then and lets me drag her with me when I need to go out and get groceries or my mail or something so I appreciate that.

I’m glad you have that person.

Aw thanks! She's a pain in the ass, but I kinda need her so Im glad too. Not really sure what Im gonna do on my own without her next year <sigh>

I gather small numbers of observations aren't significant, which might explain the surprising difference in experience. ASDers are said to often have a problem with authority figures, which might explain some of the replies here, certainly I feel quite abused if anybody tries to push me around. I'm lucky enough to be able to live independently. I can just about imagine trusting somebody so much that I'd be willing to let them make decisions on my behalf, but I've never known anybody who doesn't make mistakes so I much prefer to keep the overall control power to myself. I always used to try to work everything out for myself without listening to advice, but these days I ask around for opinions more.

Sometimes I figure that another person knows more about a particular specialised thing than I do, in which case I'm happy to let them take the helm without feeling abused. But I also like to keep an eye on their ideas and watch for signs of "cheating," for example hospital staff might know more about treating my illness than I do but it doesn't mean they won't take liberties such as pretending it's in my best interests to do a thing when it's really just to make their lives easier, e.g. telling me I'm fit to be discharged when in truth they just want the bed so they can achieve their targets and protect their own careers. Doesn't mean I don't value their expertise in general, I just know that under pressure they might try to fudge things at my expense to keep themselves comfortable from time to time.

Problem with authority figures? Hmmm interesting...
Doesnt everyone technically get 'bossed around' by their parents? I know my mom micromanages the hell out of every aspect of my life. There's not really such thing as an 'independent child' (not one with normal parents that is) because every child has to follow their parents rules.
And arent humans natural followers? Some people are born leaders sure, but isnt it basic human instinct to follow someone else since we are social creatures who live in groups with a leading authority figure? (same structure as seen in several animal species?) Isnt this easily seen in the structure of todays society?
So arent we naturally set up through life to defer to someone stronger, my authoritative, more knowledgable, more experiences, etc in all aspects of life unless we are that person in a certain situation?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being independent! I just think its curious that you mentioned 'problems with authority figures' when it feels so much like people are natural followers.

I definitely find that I attract mother hens, but I don't want them.
While they may be well-meaning, I find them to be condescending and rather emotionally needy people.
I much prefer hanging out with people who treat me as an equal.

What u are saying may make sense fr ur case. It sounds logical but wd never apply to me.

I’m actually quite envious that u can get by without constant guidance and instruction n reassurance. I have not been able to do that ever in my life. The times ppl left me to myself and there were less structured hierarchies and clearcut guidance were the most distressing times.

In fact without the ‘bossy’ but well intended (which is the main difference between those that help n those tht hinder)/caring ppl i wd be homeless n dead in a ditch somewhere.

So i’m happy u and some other ppl who responded here seem to be fine without it n dont understand how it is. As that means u have more freedom n ability to get by

Years ago, I had friends like this. One was truly caring, but another one was a user. Today, my friends aren't of this type.

This is an interesting topic. My Dad has always been a 'father rooster' . Since my childhood he's pushed, pushed, pushed me. Objectively I can see and must admit that there have been some positive outcomes to submitting to his persistence (e.g. learning a strong worth ethic, being gainfully employed since the age of 16, learning to be responsible, learning how to be around NTs). Left to my own devices I simply don't think I would have accomplished all that I have in my life. I have to admit that.

However, the negatives are such that he has never stopped and will never stop trying to direct the lives of those around him. Therefore, it's definitely a double edged sword.

Having a parent like that also meant that from the beginning, I viewed him as an adversary rather than an ally, with a continual loop of me either accepting or rejecting his persistent over-parenting and micro-managing.

I can see how that would make sense in the case of somebody with more severe autism than I have, if the parts of the spectrum responsible for successful independent living are impaired enough. I think in my case a lot of it was down to being able to hang onto a reasonably suitable job. But that was sheer torture for most of my life.

What you assert there sounds about right to me. I don't see anything there that runs counter to anything I said, but it seems to be written as if you disagree with it. Can you clarify?