Like the OP, I can't stand over-excited people getting loud, whatever the situation. I'm not a sports fan at all, not of any sport, but a few friends are, so I end up sat in front of it anyway now and then. Are commentators paid by the word or something? It seems that they are not allowed to shut up even for a moment. Because I'm not interested in the result, I entertain myself by listening out for the surreal or nonsensical things said in the commentary or player interviews ("Colemanballs" in the UK after the late David Coleman - a bit like Yogi Berra's "Yogi-isms" in the US, but not quite so intentional.) A handful of favourites...
"When Gazza was dribbling he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket."
"You must be lost for words. Tell us how it feels."
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
"Women's football does have its knockers."
"There’s nothing wrong with the car except that it’s on fire."
"Umpire Fenwick just twitches his nose, instead of putting his finger up in the usual way."
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" (a very famous one - they're the real names of cricketers.)
<link to more>
_________________
When you are fighting an invisible monster, first throw a bucket of paint over it.