I feel like I'm a robot. I also feel depressed.

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I'm 21 and I do not have a social life outside of university. Whenever I socialise, I have to force out words and face expressions in order to fit in. I also have to take time to think of my experiences prior to expressing myself verbally and with my facial features. I also imitate other people. For instance, if someone in class is speaking and everyone looks at him/her, I will realise it is most appropriate to also look the person in the face instead of staring at others.

I also cannot properly identify my emotions. I have to resort to recalling my experiences in order to estimate what I am feeling, with great inaccuracies.

In general, because of what I have mentioned, I feel like a literal robot. There is input data and I have to manually make sure that there is some output data simply based on experience. A bit like a computer AI learning, over hundreds of mistakes it will eventually get it right. That is what it feels like.

I'm starting to feel really depressed, I have for several years. Feels like I will never feel good.

If you feel depressed, you're not a robot.

Robots never get depressed.

Well, there is nothing wrong with feeling like a robot. And most important, you are being honest with yourself about such feelings.

If you have been told that you have ASD - Neurological Difference, then it would not be surprising that you maybe have not been as assertive in building a social life as you might be.

Also, we live in a muggle world, you might not be meeting people who are at your level of triple digit IQ.

You are in school, so of course that takes up most of your time, energy, and probably money. School has severe emotional costs, sometimes very hard.

If we want things to be different we have to start working collectively to make changes. But please, keep on feeling your feelings, and as you feel able, keep posting about them.

Richard

Well, there was Marvin.


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Depression is like that. I can rob you of emotions whether it's joy or something like anger, things tend to become very monotone in terms of your emotions, and then it tends to feed on itself. It's something which is incredibly difficult to deal with on your own so seeing someone is highly recommended if you don't see a way out. Some people get into a depression but are aware it won't last.

Unfortunately, there is no easy fix to being able to properly identify and deal with different emotions. It's something that comes with experience and, honestly, some of it you may never be able to fix. It doesn't have any deep meaning other than that you're human and humans are infinitely complex. Over time, you'll learn and be able to manage something that works for you. Accepting one's own positives and negatives is the ultimate goal.

Quantum,

Just like working in the US Post Office, college can be living hell for many people. You can't let it get to you.

I say that the long term solution is just to create other kinds of schools, more based on independent studies and lifelong learning.

Richard

hello,
i can understand what you're feeling. i have recently, in the past 6-8 months (can't remember exactly) started writing everyday, anywhere from 3-20 pages. it helps me to identify my emotions, because otherwise, I get overwhelmed and sort of distance myself from my emotions, and end up just going through the motions. i wonder if art or writing could help you identify your feelings? who knows, maybe its different for everyone
I know this is unrelated, but I recently read The Murderbot Diaries, which is about a depressed robot, and I found him relatable as well. I guess trying to find yourself and live a genuine life in this world is just hard =(

I have found that local political conflict energizes me. It externalizes what I am feeling, while at the same time I am advancing some large scale plans of my own.