Undiagnosed, unsure of what the heck I have

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Hi, I am new to this community. This has been on my mind for a few years and I cannot make sense of it. I am currently not in a position to contact a psychiatrist to get formally evaluated. I am unsure whether I have autism, or simply just Social Communication Disorder. Allow me to explain a tiny bit (I am not going into full detail here, there are some things I am omitting for certain reasons), starting with the symptoms that could possibly point to autism:

1. One of my siblings is autistic--a genetic component could be present. 2. I had delays with social communication development. 3. I had trouble with transition times in school since day one. 4. I had trouble controlling extreme emotions, causing disruptions in class (I still have trouble handling extreme emotions, but I internalize them now. Not the best way to handle them, btw). 5. When my social skills were evaluated, the results pointed to social language impairment. I did have speech-language therapy since middle school. In my high school, they decided to make speech-language therapy a class of its own, in which all the members of the class were boys with Asperger's... except me. I do not have any specific diagnosis, and I am a girl. What's up with that?? 6. I had some friends when I was a child, but by the time I got to high school, I had absolutely no friends at all. I had the reputation of being scary. In high school during break times, I would usually just sit in a corner by myself and draw. 7. I am perfectionist.

And now reasons why I don't know if ASD could apply to me (if it's not ASD, then what else would it be?):

1. I do not stim. 2. My relative communicative strengths are in making inferences, getting jokes, irony, things like that. 3. I do not have sensitivity to lights, sounds, or textures, but I am sensitive to smells and odors. 4. I don't mind changes in my schedule or routine. Well, at least up to a certain point... It doesn't bother me any more than the next NT person.

I can't think of any more to put here, so I'll add replies as I think of them. But the point here is that I am unsure of what the heck I have, because the fact that I was not diagnosed with autism means that they have ruled it out in my case. However, I experience significant issues in the realm of social communication. To be honest, I don't know how much a diagnosis would help me, since I am out of high school now and I got the appropriate services when I was in school. I think the best way that a diagnosis would help me is for comfort: knowing that just because I do not communicate as well as my peers does not make me defective, which would help me embrace my flaws.

The only way that you are going to know for certain is to consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

Oh, and Welcome Aboard!

I should explain a bit more: while I am pretty good about making inferences, my weakness in social communication mostly come from knowing what would be an appropriate response in various social situations. I have been known to be quite blunt, especially with saying "no". I search for words often so as to find a more sensitive way to say something, but my mind would come up blank. I am also terrible at making friends and carrying on conversation. I'm also bad at concisely saying what I am thinking out loud, but when you let me type or write, I am much more articulate and open to talk.

In any case, none of us here is qualified to give you an expert diagnosis. We can give you our opinions, however, and I have already stated mine.

Welcome and relax - it is impossible to diagnose autism / aspergers on the internet. Further, it is a specialised thing that someone has to be trained in diagnosing in a face to face situation, that is even psychiatrists can miss it unless they have been trained to look out for it.

Warm welcome again.

Yeah it's impossible to tell, but I think it might apply to you. Like being very literal is something common to people on the spectrum. Still, if you have it at all, it's probably closer to the high functioning end, but again it's impossible to know for sure.

I see what you guys are saying. Symptoms can vary based on the person, right? I can see that. For example, my autistic sibling... although they are on the lower end of the spectrum, they can maintain pretty good eye contact when talking to you. Me, not so much.

Yes, highly variable.

Yeah. For instance, I am somewhat good at maintaining eye contact even though I constantly fidget and need to stim pretty often. Also, if you have good masking skills, you can trick everyone, even yourself into thinking that you have good social skills, even when you really don't. I know I'm also really good at masking.

You might want to Google a string like:

autistic women girls under-diagnosed

and read what comes up. About ten years ago there was a lot of talk about how girls and women were being under-"diagnosed", compared to boys and men, for various reasons. Since then, the psychotherapeutic establishment has been trying to correct for this male-oriented bias.

From what I understand, autism used to be thought of as a "boy's" thing so females never got diagnosed with it.

Just because you don't have every symptom of a diagnose doesn't mean you don't have it. I got diagnosed this year with aspergers and social anxiety. I do not stim, I do not have meltdowns. I am sensitive to sound, bright light and touch but not scents. I can handle sudden changes if I have to. I am very bad at knowing what to say in conversations though so I mostly sit quiet, I don't know what questions to ask or what to talk about. I also only reply shortly to a question someone gives me, I don't elaborate, and during my evulation the psychologist seemed to consider that a typical ASD-trait but it's something i'd never even thought of before but now I notice that most other people give longer responses to a question. Due to things like these I get misinterpreted as disinterested in the person i'm trying to talk to even if i'm not.

I sent a referral to get evaluated as it, like you said it would for you, bring me comfort to know why I am so different and it did and it's made me more confident now that I know that there is nothing wrong with me, i'm just not NT.
Of course only a professional can diagnose you but this is some of my experience.

Autism is often missed in girls for some reason and girls are generally better at "hiding" it, I suggest you look into that topic too. I think that could be a reason why I never got the diagnose as a kid even though I was clearly different and my teachers in school never knew how to help me.

You could hang around this forum and see if anything applies to you. You may even want to keep a scorecard, to see how your autism compares to others on the forum. My screen name stands for "been there, done that." But, if someone says something is an identifying characteristic of autism, someone who is diagnosed will usually join in and say that no, they don't have that.