Depression Update 3

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Hi everyone,

I haven't been online for a very long time, its been a really hectic and sad couple of weeks but I said I'd keep you updated with progress on me so I thought I would come here today now that I'm able to and give you an update.

So a couple of weeks ago I started having appointments with a therapist, she was a kind woman in her fifties I think, she didn't pressure me to talk and was really understanding, in a way her not pressuring me helped me to open up. Before I knew it after only a few appointments I was telling her all my worries and fears, I told her about how I'm always worrying about my Dad's Diabetes and my Mum's brain tumour... I told her I don't want them to die and that I'm always worrying about them and the future I also told her about the abuse I went through when I was little and also about the ASD, and then the OCD and then I told her about how depressed I've been feeling She was really worried about that. I didn't think it sounded too bad but she was concerned that my negative thinking could result in a serious accident so she got on the phone. My parents were called in and she recommended taking me to a private hospital care home place, where I could stay kind of like a hotel and have 24hr watch and care by friendly care staff.

I was very against this, but my Mum said "it's for my own good" and they took me there It was terrifying, strange people and a strange building! The windows were constantly locked and every single door had a lock system on it which could be opened either by a card or by typing in a sort of pin, though according to my therapist/care assistant there it was for the more severe mental health patients. Her name's Natalie and she's actually lovely She's with me all the time, watching me and supporting me when I need it. I wasn't very fond of her at first but she grew on me during the first week.

I've been at this private care hospital for a couple of weeks now, Natalie spends all day with me and we've become friends. We do puzzles, colouring and watch movies whilst at the same time she's helping me deal with my worries and fears. At first nothing worked, but the more I've got to know her the better she's able to help me I don't worry nearly as much as I did and the negative and intrusive thoughts are lessening now. According to Natalie I'm making ok progress but I need to make a bit more before I'll be ok to go home. My Dad and Mum visit me daily, and so do my brothers and sisters so in a way it's like being at home as I get to see them everyday.

At this private care hospital there's nothing sharp or dangerous, in my or the other patients reach. Knives are for the staff only and for everything else, say a sharp pen or anything like that I'm watched all the time anyway. I don't think I would ever do anything silly like that but my parents, and Natalie say it's better to be safer than sorry.

I'm sorry I'm in this place It's scary being in a different place with different people. The other patients here don't say a lot, then again I haven't really spoken either. We get to go outside daily, fresh air and if the weather's good we can sit outside and do stuff, skipping, painting, etc. My brother came in yesterday and joked that he had a ladder in the car and would help me escape over the wall ha-ha... I love James, he always makes me feel brighter and happier even when I'm feeling down or upset.

This week my Mum and Dad brought in my laptop, Natalie said it was fine, I don't think there was much of a problem with me having my laptop. It couldn't do much harm really unless I dropped it on my feet, it's pretty heavy. I don't think I'm going to kill myself, I get low and sometimes have split seconds where I wish I weren't here anymore, but I'm not constantly like that, which is good as it means I now have my laptop and can come back here
And besides Natalie's with me - even now - so she'd be here to stop with if I did try and do something silly, but I won't as I keep reminding her and my family.

I've been really poorly mentally recently but I feel really good today and this last week, I feel positive and happy and haven't felt negative all morning. I think I'm on the mend and I am so happy!

Thank you for your support guys and for caring Hopefully soon I'll be a worry free girl and moving on with my life.

Love and hugs to all my friends here

Emma.

I hope you go home soon, Emma.

Thanks for the update.

Thank you for the update, Emma!

I hope things get better for you soon.

Hi Emma,
thanks for the info. I think many here worried a bit about you. Wish you the best and hope you feel better every day. It's the bright smile of someone like you only that makes this world a beautiful place. We need you totally for this and also all people around you do. Please don't worry to much about things that you can't change. Hope you can get home soon.

Emma

I am glad you are on the mend. Hugs.

It seems rather extreme to me that they sent you to hospital, but I'm glad you're feeling better.

We missed you. It seemed like a lot of members all disappeared at the same time, and it's been rather lonely here since.

The first few posts I read from you were really up and down - one minute really, really depressed, the next more hopeful.

What I'm reading from you now shows much more in the way of stability. It does seem like you're making good progress, and I hope things continue to get better.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your support and kindness

You're the first proper friends I've ever had You have given me so much love, care and support. I'm sorry if I let you down over my depression and health.

Love you all so much

Emma.

Emma,

You didn't let anyone down. We were just worried for you. You are a nice person who deserves all the best. Keep us updated.

You're not letting anyone down, depression isn't something anyone has a lot of control over.

Sunshine and exercise is supposed to help.

Probably not a great time of year for sunshine, though.

Maybe try some nice tea and some transcendental meditation?

Keep up the good work. Dealing with depression can be exhausting, so make sure you're giving yourself proper acknowledgment for the hard work.

Keep on talking, here or elsewhere, that helps, though it's also not easy to do.

Hi SunshineEmma, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time at the moment. Depression is never an easy thing to deal with but I'm glad you are making progress and getting better as each day goes by. It's hard work and a long journey but you will get better if you keep us such good work. I can see a lot of people here are rooting for you, myself included. I looked for your previous two threads depression update 1 & 2 but I couldn't find them but I think I get the gist of what's happened to you. Worrying about your parents, I worry about mine as well and when I do it really drags me down in to a low mood. I won't give you any advice as I guess you're getting all the help you need from the hospital your with. Is that a private hospital or is it an ordinary mental health one? I hope you continue to make such great progress and don't check out as it were until you're 100% ready. I know at some of these places they urge people to leave before they're completely ready because there's always another patient who needs a room and bed.

It's nearly Christmas as well and I'm sure that by now must be preoccupying your mind. Keep going Sunshine.

I know what it's like to have depression and I also know it's nice to know that people care for you and are thinking of you. Just going to leave this here for you SunshineEmma.

Yeah I totally understand just how bad depression, combined with autism can be.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks. Some days are better than others, but every day I feel it to an extent.