chris1989 wrote:
I seem to feel quite jealous of some good looking people who have Asperger's syndrome and I seem to think they are more attractive than me. I heard that a guy called niall from Love Island has Aspergers, he has tattoos and some muscles going on. I didn't watch Love Island anyway as I don't like watching that reality TV stuff. I've even been quite jealous of someone I knew from school days whose the same age as me (29) and has lots of tattoos, plays in a band and goes to gigs and I've seen photos of him with lots of mates and a girlfriend having a drink and all that. I seem to think they've managed to fit in well with the NT society than what I do and I feel I want to do the same and get very frustrated because of it. I have have not many friends to hang out and are not interested in what I'm interested and they are not the going out types so I go to town or somewhere on my own. I seem to think at times I must be ugly because of my long hair and slim physique and that I don't have tattoos and a muscular physique. But I don't really want to go to a gym anyway and I never know what tattoo I want and where would have it.
You can workout and get tattoos, though. What makes you think those are the reasons people find them attractive? And if NTs look for qualities like those, which are achievable by basically anyone, is that kind of attraction about uniqueness or conformity? What do you value?
I'd also guess that being an aspie who fits more with conventions of NT attraction may be pretty difficult--you can "look the part," but not have the same social skills. It would kind of be like having a lot money that you couldn't spend--not necessarily useful. You also may attract many more predators.
I've felt your frustrations and they're definitely understandable. But, from my own life experience, I'd say there's more happiness and self-preservation in focusing on what you have than what you don't have. I've made some stupid mistakes and lost some good things in my life by focusing on what I was missing and blindly going after it, instead of placing more emphasis on what already worked in my life and pursuing additional goals more reasonably.