Depression?

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I’m married to a 49 year old Aspie, lately he has been acting out of character with me. When he comes home from work, he has a smirky look on his face and acts really distant. Today I noticed that he was wearing yesterday’s shirt. So he went to work in a dirty shirt. He smirks at me and said no and that he put on a clean one this morning.

Other strange things has happened, when he did or say something out of character and I question him he then said he didn’t say or do those things. Nothing important but strange.

He is constantly smirky at me, He has never looked at me like that before.

He also seems spaced out like he is on drugs, he has never taken drugs or I know for a fact he wouldn’t either.

I have asked him about this and he does a funny laugh and walks away. I have noticed that he has annoyed look on his face when he turns away from me.

When I kiss him in a hugging moment, he wipes his mouth as if to say yuk! He is doing things he has never done before.

Does anyone have any ideas please?

That is really strange. In general, Aspies cannot read facial expressions very well, nor can they make facial expression either. Their expressions are often misinterpreted. I suspect that Aspies cannot keep secrets well either. So if one of the positive traits of an Aspie is "They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest." Then sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell him that you noticed (the traits you mentioned) and you are deeply concerned something is wrong. You would like to help him. You have his back.

You might chose the moment. Probably not when he comes home from work because he might be under stress overload. Maybe a weekend will be best.

Has he been forgetful at all? The shirt thing and the spaced out comment made me wonder. It could be an early sign of dementia in which case he should be screened.

Has his schedule changed at all? Longer time at work or on the computer? The not liking being kissed thing might hint at him being distracted by someone else?

I hope I'm wrong about this but perhaps he's having an affair & is caught up in that mentally.

While it could be an affair, I've had to deal with dementia recently and as usual hyperfocused and learned all I could about it. The behaviors do fit some of the early stage signs. It wouldn't hurt to do a bit of research yourself and see if it could be possible and talk to him about getting screened if you think it might be a possibility. It's always better to catch it as early as possible.

Yes, he should be screened for dementia and depression as well. I believe there is a certain cognitive test that addresses both issues. I think it is a type of survey test.

The age of 49 seems a little early for dementia but it is not out of the question. Many people who begin to lose their memory, tend to want to hide it from others and also not admit it is happening. They will go to great length to not be forced to admit the condition to others. And if they are pressed into a corner by hard facts, they often tend to change the subject quickly.

When my mom was in a nursing home, she would call me with some very wild stories. She shared a room with another women in the nursing home. One day I received a call. My mom said that the woman in the next bed died and that the nursing home was trying to keep everything all Hush, Hush. Anyways later in the day I visited her. When I entered the room I could see the woman was quite alive. I told my mom that the woman was alive. She said No!, No! She died. I pulled back the curtain separating the beds. And I said "See she is still alive". Mom changed the subject quickly.

There is also another factor that tends to be overlooked. As a person ages, their senses become diminished. So my mom's hearing was for the most part gone and her eyesight was failing. When a person is in this condition, their minds fill in the blanks. A shadow on the wall at night becomes a large dangerous spider. She hears one or two words in a paragraph and her mind fills in all the blanks which produces some very elaborate stories.

So has your husband also been showing signs of reduced memory. Getting lost, losing car keys or locking them in a car, forgetting his wallet, no knowing the day of the week? Are their observations that might indicate early Alzheimers or dementia?

I would write an anonymous letter to the Human Resources department saying that so and so is sexually harassing the males in the job ( she is), and that you expect something done as soon as possible.

Never tell anyone and especially him that you sent such letter.

Whether or not he’s having an affair is not the issue, because if he is, he’s being bullying into it.

From what I perceive, he comes home and is showing signs of aversion to sexual contact, using mutism as a defense mechanism and by smirking at you, he’s trying to send you a message of the stress and pain occurring inside him.