And yet another therapist...

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Second time speaking to talk therapist... We go over my Borderline dx and I said I don't self harm and I don't do the impulsive things but I "split" and sometimes I love my husband to death and sometimes I hate him. But she said that Borderlines often split for no apparent reason (true?) But she believes my problems with my husband that I have been describing stem from not understanding him very well because I have Asperger's... Not Borderline.

Oh lordy this happened a while back when I had the same psych doctor that insists I don't have Asperger's. Though actually this therapist thinks DBT would be beneficial.

Say something again to psychatrist? Give up on psychatrist and seek a formal eval somewhere else since this is yet another therapist of mine thinking I'm on the spectrum? Give up on getting an eval and just accept most likely aspiness?

Oh she says I'm way too fidgety and I need meds for it lol.

This thread is a little confusing so I thought I might try and repeat it back to you and see if that is what you are saying.

So you went to see a talk therapist. You are saying that you went to see a therapist who talks out issues such as a psychologist rather than a speech therapist.

You do not self harm but you split. So are you saying that you have a split personality?

Your new therapist is recommending you undergo Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD)

It seems like there are different diagnosis of whether you are Borderline Personality Disorder or Asperger's Syndrome.

You are fidgety (hyperactive) and the therapist recommends you take meds.
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According to NIMH, a borderline personality disorder is a mental illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships.

I think that an individual can be both and Aspie and have borderline personality disorder. The conditions are not mutually exclusive.

As far as the appropriate therapy to use. The main cause of behavioral problems in Aspies is due to stress overload. Trying to fix behavior without dealing with the underlying stress is counterproductive. The best approach is to seek therapy that helps you manage stress such as somatic experiencing.

But I am not a psychologist, so anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.

Sorry the thread was confusing...

Splitting in Borderline is when you see something, often a person, as all good or all evil, or to put it another way you really love them or you really hate them, and often your viewpoint of the person changes suddenly.

What I was trying to say was that I talked to a therapist about my marital issues and how they relate to my diagnosis by the psychatrist of Borderline but the talk therapist suggests that instead of Borderline I am having empathy issues relating to Asperger's.

Years ago the same thing happened, a couple of talk therapists insisted I had AS and the same psychatrist I have now said no to that diagnosis, saying instead I have Borderline.

The part of DBT they said would be helpful in my case would be the emotional regulation aspect.

Fidgety comment I just randomly threw in there... I almost constantly fidget/stim and it bothers and therapist was wondering if meds were making it worse.

O.K., I guess I can understand. Splitting is a trait of borderline personality disorder.

Splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD) I was unfamiliar with until recently despite having been diagnosed in 2015. Splitting is a coping defense mechanism people with BPD use to avoid rejection or being hurt. It means that someone is either good or they are bad. There are no good people who make mistakes. There are no bad people who are nice sometimes. It is black and white, good or bad.

I know this feeling, and I recognize it in my own behavior. Splitting feels like self-destructive behavior. I can get consumed in my anger toward people. All my memories with that person become tainted, bad and wrong. Just thinking of them fills me up with anger.

Hatred builds up deep inside my body, flows through me and consumes me. I obsess over this hatred. I want it to go away. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about it at the same time.

There is a rational part of my brain that tells me to try and ignore these feelings, but the emotions are sometimes just too strong for me to move past. My personality disorder does not mean I’m broken, but it does mean I think and do things a little bit differently than the average person.

It’s a reaction to the fear of abandonment, the rejection and hurt that I cannot face. The idea of being rejected is so abhorrent to me, it’s easier to just tell myself that person was evil, and everything they ever did was part of some sick plot to humiliate, hurt or upset me.

The initial anger and bitterness fades eventually. In the meantime, I perceive everything that person does as being meant to hurt me further because that person is not a good person. They don’t care.

It’s like you can be my best friend or my worst enemy. There is no in between. There is no middle ground. Unfortunately, splitting can often isolate people with BPD, and it’s difficult when you are a victim of this behavior to see a good side to that person either.

It is the classic, “I hate you. Don’t leave me.” For me, eventually, the anger will fade, but it takes a lot to overcome that completely. Unfortunately, it does require work on the other party as well.

Actions speak far louder than any words ever can. After all, most communication is nonverbal. As someone with BPD, it is so easy to start perceiving things as an insult or slight when they were never really meant that way at all. It takes time and reassurance to come back.

One thing I have been told my entire life by teachers, friends and family members, is that I need constant reassurance that I am, in fact, a good person or that what I perceived wasn’t actually meant that way at all.

Source: The Symptom of BPD That Makes My World Black and White

At the age of 2 years 3 months I and my sister were dropped off in an orphanage. It was a traumatic experience for me. Perhaps that is why I lingered too long in the Pleasing 4 stage of childhood development. But I never developed the splitting trait. Many times I view compliments negatively. I have a hard time detecting sarcasm. As a result when someone gives me a compliment I have to decide whether it is a sincere compliment or whether it is insincere like a sarcastic compliment. It seems like I have been burned too many times in the past.

Whether or not you have Asperger's(which you clearly are on the spectrum) DBT can help. Being fidgety is just stimming which is normal for anyone with ASD. Nothing unhealthy about stimming.

You need to go elsewhere and seek a formal diagnosis so you can put to rest this nonsense whether or not you have ASD once and for all. Your story and the run around/back and forth misdiagnoses you have been subjected to and the stress it has caused you is a perfect example of why formal diagnsoses of ASD matter.