Not sure my AS diagnosis is true. Confused.

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Hi there

Some time ago a counselor I have been seeing since 2010 suggested I get tested to see if I was on the spectrum. There are several members who are, though not in my immediate family. Cousins, my sister's grandchild etc. so I kept putting off the testing. I finally had the test done and the diagnosis was AS. I can't really agree when I read some of the indications in children. However, I am a 55 yr old female. I am told that I have probably learned a lot of coping skills.

I am here to ask the experts. That would be you, what you think.

Here are some of my personality quirks. I won't point out which ones I think disqualify me or which one they say land me squarely on the spectrum. But ask you to tell me which ones you think might be indicators. I do understand that some are pretty obvious but could be due to other stuff.

I tend to be very anxious and have a lot of tension in my shoulders and neck even when there is no reason to.
I hate surprises and can have a major meltdown even if the surprise is a good one.
I have to struggle to get out and socialize and often spend a month or more in my house without going outside. (I don't work)
I don't have and have never had close friends, though I enjoy short periods of socializing.
I tend to dominate a conversation and have a hard time shifting the subject even when others are ready to do so. I have to really pay attention and often miss social cues. My husband may need to signal me to stop talking.
I have a lot of difficulty with any kind of relationship and have been married 5 times. Though I am married now I am seeing a counselor and have been for the entirety of our marriage. I have been estranged from one of my 3 sons for 6 years. I have been estranged for a period of time from my mother, my sister and both my brothers, though I have reconciled in recent years. We are not close. I would say this is not my fault but it would seem I am the common denominator.
I am very needy when it comes to romance and need to be reassured that I am still loved. At the same time, I am quick to take offense and have an arsenal of witty comebacks to cut my attacker to the core. I feel I have lived a lifetime on the receiving end of abuse and ridicule and have never been accepted by my peer group even though if I am to believe it, I am quite attractive and extremely bright.
I am very disorganized and cluttery. My mom used to tell me that I can't keep house but I can clean one very well.

I guess I really want to know if I have AS. If I do, what can I do with that information at 55 years old? How can it help me. Can I learn how to keep house so I am not always cleaning? Can I learn how to organize so my things are not always lost. Can I lose this stupid fear of driving? Oh I drive because I have to but it gets scarier every day and I keep thinking one of these days the panic will make me just get out of the car and go back in the house and never come out.

Thanks so much for your answers.
My fear is that my husband will leave and then I will get to afraid to drive and since I live 45 mins from the nearest grocery store... well you can see what could happen. No neighbors and just me and the dog. Well we could die out here and nobody would even know. I need to get brave.

Well I think you're wrong in concluding that we're necessarily the experts; a medical professional who has actually met you probably has a better idea, but it certainly sounds like Asperger's is possible to me.

Many of the core traits are there. If you feel the need, you should seek a diagnosis and help with the anxiety as well. I would consider that the biggest negative Asperger trait for me.

Sounds like Asperger's mixed with some Borderline Personality Disorder traits. The constant fears of abandonment, unstable relationships, and splitting, though you didn't list anything about self harm or impulsive behavior.

Thank you for your replies. I do want to clarify that I do have a recent diagnosis from a professional that states AS. I thought that was clear in my original post.
Maybe I resist because I feel it labels me once again. Maybe I resist because when I tried to talk to my Mom (age 82) she violently resisted and even hung up on me saying I am making things up again as an excuse for my bad behavior. Maybe I resist because my husband is passively opposed to it. Maybe all of the above.

I have spent my life being abandoned and in fear. Even my parents could not seem to truly attach to me and as a teen I married the first guy who asked in order to escape my parents home and moved nearly a 1000 miles away. My first marriage lasted 20 years and though I was not deeply attached to the man, I was to the kids. I was in an accident in my mid-30s near the end of the marriage and we thought I would never walk again. He left and I became very afraid. I still had one small child to raise from a wheelchair and I tried to do that without always showing fear. The older I got the harder it got.

A few years later I learned to walk. Single for the first time since I was a teen I got a lot of attention and was unable to handle it.... I mean at all. I really liked the idea that a man might help take care of me and my little boy.

I tell you all this to explain that when I say I am needy. I am in only one way. I want the attention of my mate. And I tend to want him to be more like me. lol - I want him to stay home with me. Which might mean for months at a time and be with only me. I would love it if we were the only two people on the planet... except maybe for my kids who could come by every month for an hour. - hahaha - I know this sounds so rude, doesn't it?

Is this aspie? or am I really just a messed up B?
If it is aspie as they tell me, is that a reason to keep acting this way, or do I try to fix it?

Here is another problem.
Today is Christmas... I have always hated Holidays.
Not that I really hate Christmas. I love the reason behind the season. I love movies about love and Jesus etc.
It is the gatherings that freak me out. Oh, how I would love to be able to go to one and fit right in and laugh and joke and eat and get along with everyone etc. But since I am awkward and don't quite fit in I always feel uncomfortable and in the way. I feel like everyone else is having this great time and I am just there as furniture. I can't wait to leave even if hours before I couldn't wait to get there. If we wait too long to leave I end up getting so anxious that I might be overtly rude and insist we leave.

Could anyone possibly tell me if there is any place I can turn to find literature on coping skills for people with AS as adults? Something to help me with organization skills and maybe dealing with anxiety and fear.

thanks for your input.

Deegie

Hahaha - Okay, I am going to give in. I was just reading on the NT/AS thread and one other can't remember which.

Anyway the point is they both pointed out another indicator of AS that I have. Poor facial expressions. Or facial expressions that don't indicate what I am feeling.

Some time back a friend was teaching me to dance. I really loved it. It took me forever... I mean years to learn because I am really clumsy, but once I did, I felt so normal. I had to concentrate on what I was doing but when we got out on the floor and began to two-step I felt so wonderful. I still have some pain from my old car accident so this was a huge accomplishment for me. But people would ask my dance partner if I was mad at him. lol- mad! I guess I looked mad.

I guess this is aspie. So I give in to my diagnosis. thanks to all who answered and to all who post on this forum

Deegie

It is very common for people on the Autism Spectrum to have other co occurring mental disorders. That is because of being different causing bullying and social failures as well as exhaustion or burnout from contstantly trying to fit in and sensory overload.

Knowing Why: Adult-Diagnosed Autistic People on Life and Autism

I am reading this now, very good.

If you do searches there are a number of books written by aspie women for aspie women

On Youtube Amythest Shaber has a series of videos “Ask an Autistic” that is very informative.

Musings of an aspie blog

thanks for the info!
Looking these things up right now.

Deegie