I need some help here on defending my boundaries

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I'm not really sure on how to put this, but I'll try to describe it the best I can...

Like most people on the forum, and most people on the spectrum, I've faced a lot of bullying and discrimination in the past and recent present, and as I'm sure you can relate to, having this disorder makes it very difficult to fight back against this sort of abuse. This post isn't just help for myself, it's advice for all of us.

The cycle of bullying goes something like this:

The bullying happens, the mobbing or whatever you want to call it, and I'm unable to truly fight back against it (due to being very passive as I'm sure many here can relate to) > I suffer in silence with the memories of it > Then after a while, I try to tell someone close to me about what has happened, which once again, because of this disorder, it's difficult to truly do (I'm verbal but I "can't express", if you get me).

I can't keep doing this forever, I don't feel safe living in this world. I've already had suicidal thoughts in the past because of it, not to mention basically being at risk of developing Stockholm Syndrome or something like that due to how vulnerable we all are, and our lack of ability to defend our boundaries. It's like, am I just supposed to sit back and take the abuse without saying anything back? How could you just "not care" about something like that?

What are (we all) supposed to do? I've been working on forgetting about it all, as well as practicing assertiveness, but this is really difficult for me to do. Although I've been getting better at being less naive, saying no, and (vaguely) standing up for myself.

I try to tell myself everyone faces crap like this in life, bullying and all that, and if NTs can move on with it, and not allow it to impact their sense of self I should be able to as well. I just can't bear to envision lying on my deathbed at 80 years old, emotionally empty, knowing I've been tormented and picked on for so long, and never really stuck up for myself...

Sorry to hear about your troubles... but I think they're shared with a lot of people here.

NTs seem better able to deal with a social give and take that sometime involves lighthearted "ribbing" or even what we'd view as minor bullying and go with the flow of it, return it, or otherwise keep it from escalating. They seem to acquire these skills pretty effortlessly.

For many of us, our social awkwardness makes us targets for real bullies. Because we have trouble with social and nonverbal cues, we may also be unable to distinguish between real bullying and the kind of interaction described above; i.e., either see harmless joking as a threat, or see real bullying as a harmless joke--till too late.

Because I'm not a submissive person, from an early age I tended to go to the first of these extremes, guarding my boundaries with extreme vigilance--not "taking s**t" from anyone. This cut down on bullying (when bullies saw I was willing to fight back) but also earned me a reputation for being prickly, over-sensitive and "difficult".

How do you manage the gray area between hypersensitivity and being a doormat, between fight and flight? It comes down to reading intentions and responding quickly in order to defuse difficult situations. I wish I could do this better. But I'm autistic, and even at my age I still fall too far too one side, and it often damages my prospects.

Sorry if this isn't much help. Am I advising being tough like me and always rgidly guarding the borders? That depends on you. That has its own costs, though for me it's been worth it.

I cultivate safe spaces.

Racism is still a thing in the USA. But mostly among older whites protecting their turf from other races.

So, I go to ethnic restaurants where I am welcome. I tip well. If the bored grocery store cashier wants to talk I give her a few minutes of my time.

I've also acquired store credit cards, as this seems to help the service I get at stores. The discounts I get are a nice bonus.

I experienced severe bullying while in school. For males this normally occurs during Junior High School and then tapers off. I was not only subjected to name calling but physical assaults by my peers. It sounds like you were also. Generally in the adult world, physically bullying is not that prevalent.

As I got older, I tend to take the tact of reporting it to the authorities. It puts the bullies on notice. So they back off a little. There is a paper trail. If someone threatens to kill you, then that threat is documented and the bullies are the first ones pulled in by the authorities if anything ever happens to you.`

So what can I advise? When a person is trapped, in stress, that stress can turn into distress. The chemicals released are stored in your limbs and need to be release or it can transition into various behavioral disorders. So you will need to release this energy. Some therapy like therapy that treats PTSD will help. So I will suggest you read a book by Peter A. Levine called "In an Unspoken Voice".

Also depending on the specific ways you are being physically attacked, there exists some lightweight impact resistant vest and jackets such as those using D3O impact protection technology look very promising. Protection equipment can make a person more resistant to physical attacks.

My advice would be to join a martial arts club if you can face it. I'd recommend Jujitsu. Not only would it teach you confidence , it teaches you discipline and how to handle yourself in situations. Just knowing that you can defend yourself adequately can give you confidence in a non fight scenario.

I called the Police over an illegal eviction, and all they did was keep me safe for the time it took to move. Because my reactions are atypical, I always become the suspect.
In general, defence requires allies, while evasion is easier for lone actors. If you can find a community whose work you can join, they will probably defend you. If not, the best approach might be to keep a low profile, and console yourself with the unhappy history of bullies in the end.
However, if you feel tormented by mere insults and misperceptions, relief can be as close as flipping as switch, if you can exaggerate whatever is being made fun of, to share the laugh at "your act." The audience then won't mind that most of the time, you are not trying to be funny. A great deal of torment is actually futile attempts to create group solidarity. If you can't respond with conformity, doing a parody at least proves that you understand their field of interest, and reject their premise without hostility.