Femininity and Autism

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I've been reading about autism, specifically autism in girls. And it makes me feel kinda isolated. I do have a lot of typical signs of autism, but I'm also pretty feminine in personality. I love gossip, intimacy, clothes, etc. It seems this is really rare for an aspie. Ultimately I'm me and I'm comfortable with that, but I'm wondering if anyone else relates or has a theory about why I'm like this? I do have some "masculine" hobbies too, but it just seems sterotypical femininity and autism don't go together.

I'm as tomboy as they come but I love gossip too.
I think a lot of the dislike of clothes stems from sensory sensitivities. Do you have these?

That might be why you like clothes more than most aspie women.
I have my paracosm where the woman in it is very feminine and likes sexy clothes. I'm bisexual and like feminine/sexy clothes on my girlfriends. It's not that I'm anti it in principle, it just feels incredibly uncomfortable on me and isn't my style - probably because I've had this all my life. I've grown up tomboy, grown into butch etc.
When I was tiny I couldn't even stand something all clothes have: tags in clothes.
Even being butch, if the suit is genuinely fitting me rather than 'fitted' or baggy I like to wear a good suit with a good shirt. I also like my letterman jacket and spent ages picking out my trainers etc.

Just look at the pictures posted here. You'll see MANY very feminine Aspie/autistic girls/women.

You are not alone---trust me.

Just like "typical" people, there are also Aspie/autistics who aren't as feminine as what is perceived as "normal femininity."

Hi Kate,
I have sensory issues about clothing, but in my case I also love to wear skirts and dresses. I find them more comfortable than jeans, trousers or even most leggings / yoga pants. I think that "feminine" can be defined by more than clothing, though. It's more of an attitude. Trying to define it would likely cause arguments in the political threads, so I won't go there .... but safe to say there are feminine autistic people as well as non-feminine. It's a spectrum by all accounts!

I'm definitely not feminine, but I'm not as tomboy as they come either, as I'm not into sports and competitions. Strangely, as a kid/ teen, I liked playing board games aggressively though and do all I could (not cheat) to win and play dirty, I prefer other kinds of ways to play these days, and have the last 2 decades or so.

As a kid I wished I was a boy because all the fun toys and ways to play was boys' stuff, but then I just thought shell no, it's for those who like it, period. It's been about 30 years since that, and I feel that I'm female, just not typically female or feminine. And all the variations are okay!

Just because it's less typical for aspies, doesn't make it wrong, same as it's nothing wrong about not being typically feminine (or masculine for that matter).

As Isabella said, some of it is attitude, and personally I mostly don't have that. A personal slight example that shows a but of that;
There was a poll once about whether or not men and women could be just friends. Two of the poll options were:
"Yes, silly (I'm female)" and "H3ll, yeah! (I'm male). My response is: "H3ll yeah, and female"
The differences in poll options annoyed me enough that I still remember it.

I'm extremely masculine for someone who's supposed to be female. I'm also transgender. I'm known as Sgt. Schultz in the area that I live.

I'm not very feminine myself and I could pass for a tomboy if I have the mood for it. I rarely go girly.
I don't fit well with girls, not very well with boys either even if I have the same interests and inclinations. Same with women and men; neither synchs with me well. Never wished for a sex change or gender role.
If gender were a spectrum, I have negative points of both and barely leaning towards either most at the time.


I have more 'HF'-autistic traits than aspie of both gender traits in general. I also have some over the places if taking account of emotional and mental states.
Doesn't make one less autistic, really. Even with wildly different preferences and inclinations.
Heck I was either sensory seeking and sensory avoidant, been active but odd and had been too silent to be mistaken for a mute, I can be clumsy as much as I can be the opposite of it, so why not either/neither feminine and masculine?

But overall, I could care less for myself.
The gender is mostly just my body, a headache of a damn body no less. And what other people expects or assumes, but not much anything else.

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I think that a lot of the associations between masculinity and autism come from the longstanding bias in the medical community that only/mostly boys can be autistic. New evidence is showing that plenty of girls are autistic, we just tend to present somewhat differently and those were ways the doctors weren't looking for and so disregarded.

As the evidence becomes more accepted, and more autistic women are coming forward and getting diagnosed, I think this stereotype will gradually fade. That is already starting to happen.

I have many masculine qualities and was kinda a tomboy, but also identify strongly as a woman. People aren't either/or so much as they are individual, composite personalities, and many of our ideas of what is masculine or feminine are cultural constructs anyway (I'm not thinking about reproduction so much as who's better at math, appropriate jobs, sports, fashion, etc).

Yes I'm like you, I love clothes, intimacy, gossip... I love clothes and shopping (online) and reading about gossip, and listening to my mum gossip about everyone. I always thought it was weird as well, but now it's nice to know that we're in the same boat.

I don't get that. Why shouldn't you share typical femal interests? Weird are the things once it comes to relationships to NTs.