Do I actually have autism or not?

Post Reply New Topic

I am very uncertain if I actually have autism or not. I was tested when I was 4. They said I didn't have it. I was tested again when I was 15. They said I didn't have it. Finally, for the 3rd time, I was tested at age 22 and was given the diagnosis of high functioning autism.

I have always been the odd one out, was ostracized as a child and picked on for being weird and a freak. People always commented on how I spoke differently to other people. I used to enjoy dressing up and generally acting eccentric. I would make random loud noises when I got home to let off steam. I often rock back and forth when stressed etc.

Once I reached my teenage years, I developed social anxiety and now I am always anticipating rejection so I avoid social situations and I find eye contact very uncomfortable.

However, I am also very good at recognising emotions in others. For example, I scored 18/20 on this emotional intelligence test:
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz

And although I find it difficult to get jokes, e.g. Two Ronnies sketches, I am able to understand idioms. For example, "get out of here" means expression of disbelief or surprise, not literally an instruction to leave the room.

So I am confused as to what is wrong with me and if it is autism or something similar. For example, narcissism or sociopathy as I find my capacity to feel empathy and care for others is very stunted. But this could be because I have become desensitised to feeling emotions after many years of anxiety, which has actually caused me to have depersonalization for many years which can make you emotionally numb also.

Also, I scored 124 on this test:
https://www.aspietests.org/raads/questi ... cale=en_GB
124 means I score more than the average neurotypical but less than those diagnosed with or suspected to have ASD.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you

Spend some time lurking here and see if you can find anything that helps your situation.

How am I supposed to know? I'm not a doctor or a psychologist. Only those people can officially diagnose a person with AS, and they certainly can't do it by reading a post someone wrote on the internet.

I guess the question you need to ask is if you believe you are autistic or not. You've had 1 from 3 tests confirm you are, if you had a 4th test, and that confirmed you were, how would that change your belief? What if that 4th came back as negative, how would that change your belief? I would imagine that a 4th test would be largely irrelevant and you either believe you are or you do not believe you are. There's little point taking online tests to try to convince yourself you are or you are not; you've had an official diagnosis so trust it and accept it.

You can't compare yourself to others with Autism, it's like NTs comparing themselves to each other; no 2 people are the same. Your position on the spectrum is your own position.

There are certainly times that I find myself thinking that I'm "not autistic enough", but then I think to all the times where my autism has impacted my daily life, the way I process and the impact this causes on those around me, and I'm like "yeah, no doubt".

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 8 but I don't have all the symptoms. Like you, I scored high on the emotional intelligence, and I know my emotional intelligence is high anyway (people have told me that I am "emotionally bright"). Also I can read body language and tone of voice and facial expressions quite naturally. Sometimes I question my diagnosis, because I do have ADHD and anxiety disorder as well, and I have more typical symptoms of both ADHD and anxiety than I do AS. But I'm not sure if this is wishful thinking. Also I'm a girl, and apparently AS symptoms display differently in girls than boys. So that makes me believe that my AS diagnosis is accurate after all.

England maybe similar to the US. Aspergers was not a recognized diagnosis until 1994 (when you were around 3). Before that "autistic" only meant hard core low functioning classic autism of the kind documented by Kanner in the Fifties.

And even after 1994 in the US you could be going to a shrink who "never even heard of aspergers" well into the 2000's (those were the exact words of the lady shrink I had been going to when family members suggested to her that I might have aspergers).

So those first tests you got might have been out dated tested by shrinks who were not aware that autism had been expanded into a spectrum that include HFA and aspergers, and the testers were trying to stuff you into the old fashioned low functioning box ( and correctly found that you didn't fit in that out dated box, but failed to see that you fit into the current expanded autism box).

Thank you for the replies. I think that it's a case of everyone being somewhere on the autism spectrum and I am probably just on the borderline, around the cutoff point where one is only just classed as autistic.

No, iv'e got burgers up my asss

I can't really give my opinion with so little information to go off of. What were your other diagnoses, at ages four and fifteen? I assume that there were good reasons that you were tested twice during childhood/adolescence, which implies that you've been struggling all your life with disruptive symptoms. They must have given you some answers then, or were your parents pushing for a diagnosis and the doctors dismissed their concerns? And there must have been a reason you rejected those labels (if they exist) and sought testing again in your twenties. What are your current impairments?

I've lurked on here long enough to say i don't consider myself to be on the spectrum even though half my family thinks i am and its not something easily forgotten when next i visit them, but relieved that it never comes up in conversation directly or indirectly. I considered myself very introverted during childhood, then slightly transitioning into mid-way between introversion and extroversion in adulthood, just takes time to break out of my shell, and be more self-confident.

There are also disorders that don't fit neatly into any box.

What would you do if it turns out you have autism?

What would you do if it turns out you don't have autism?

My parents sought a diagnosis when I was 4 because of my hyperactivity, inability to mix with other children and tendency to not focus on one activity for long. Also, I had trouble with speech and had speech therapy when I was 4, around the same time as my first autism test took place.

Then, when I was 15, I sought a diagnosis myself because of all the trouble I was having with being bullied and ostracised at school. I had been bullied since at least far back as 6 years old, probably even earlier. I have always been "weird" and I just wanted to figure out why. I had always had obscure interests, like 1980s music and fashion, old comedians from the 50s-70s, writing down car number plates etc. I always had trouble understanding humour and would often get tongue tied and go blank when people in authority asked me questions. All these problems together made me and my family suspect I had autism or something similar.

We were never given any real conclusive explanations for my behavioural problems which was very frustrating and bewildering. But my parents suspected that their concerns when I was 4 were not taken as seriously because my parents both suffered from depression (they in fact met at a mental health group) and they felt like psychiatrists blamed my strange behaviour on their parenting and illnesses.

Is this a Zen koan? If so, a pretty good one:-) But on different tier, a possible question could be--does having a certain kind of insight or even a profound realization effectively solve all social and/or data processing problems a person is having? I can try to answer this koan, but by speculation only, since I am not the OP, and OP, please forgive me if I am wrong. My answer: in either instance he would probably continue to do what he is already doing; therefore, a different line of approach is possibly called for.

OP wrote: "....So I am confused as to what is wrong with me and if it is autism or something similar. For example, narcissism or sociopathy as I find my capacity to feel empathy and care for others is very stunted. But this could be because I have become desensitised to feeling emotions after many years of anxiety, which has actually caused me to have depersonalization for many years which can make you emotionally numb also."

OP, I think you are on to something significant here, but what is the specific question? I am finding the comment very insightful but also kind of putting up or reinforcing a block in the way it is overgeneralized. I will be back to explain specifically what I mean but have to go to Goodwill (Thriftstore chain in US) as this is the day everything is 20% off for seniors). Peace out