Having eye contact

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In my questioning my diagnoses post I put that I have poor eye contact with people. For the most part that is true, but with me its more like the whole human face is both a curiosity and something that I dislike. It’s a curiosity because I can look at someone and think, “hm there cute”, but also there is something abut the human face that I do not like. I have the same aversion with people’s hands, it is because of this that I like it when people where gloves and masks, something like a motorbike helmet, something that covers the whole face. As for looking into people’s eyes, I find I can do it for a short while, but then I look away. I’ve been doing some reading about people with ASD and why looking at someone in the eyes seems so difficult. I’ve learned that when people look at each other in the eyes they are communicating. I don’t think I do that when I look at someone in the eyes. I just stare at them and then look away.
Does this make any sense to anyone? Do you do the same thing? Do you feel the same way about peoples faces or even their hands, or is that just me being weird?

having someone looking into my eyes feels like their eyes are burning into my soul...
I'm ok with hands though!

The picture below shows the way i have eyecontact or have not eyecontact.
With dogs, little children, i love to have eyecontact. Children and dogs are pure and honest.
The left side of the picture shows the way i have eyecontact with the world around me.
The right side shows the way i have contact with my inner mind.

Not a fan - when I do catch someone’s eye I’m always the first to look away. I’m fine if wearing sunglasses though.

I love eyecontact with dogs, i have noticed that some dogs dont want eyecontact with me.

But dogs among each other dont always want eyecontact.

Dogs are so cute, I have a deep love for them.

Anyways, when I was younger I used to stare at people, at least I think I did. For me I couldn't tell, I was just looking around I thought. But I was relentlessly bullied for staring. Now it's almost the opposite I look away when people look at me. So it's a bit confusing. I couldn't tell that I was staring when I was younger but now I'm hyper aware of it.

I don't like eye contact and usually focus on the tip of the person's nose or their mouth when having to converse. That's my attempt at appearing 'normal'.

Making excessive eye contact with a dog can make them feel threatened. Some dogs may get aggressive. It depends on how they were raised by their owners.

In my ASD report, my mum is quoted as saying that my eye gaze was always "off to one side".

Nowadays, during conversations I often look at people's mouths because that's where the sound comes out.

^ You're right about the dogs - I'm not fond due to previous bad encounters. I did read somewhere that if a dog seems to be showing a less than friendly interest in you, you should cross your arms and tilt your head up to the sky and walk slowly away without looking at them.

Stare-Down

The boxsport, which is by the Amsterdam neuro-biologist Dick Swaab, called as "neuro-pornografy" because of the braindammage. Before boxers have a match they do sometimes a 'stare-down', in a stare-down they dont hit each other knock down by hitting on the face, they only stare in each others eyes. In the video below there is a very funny stare down

Eye contact, even for NTs, can be complicated. Not everyone likes it as much as much as the general public (in the U.S.) seems to think they do or should, at least in part because it can be a very intimate experience or, on the other hand, intimidating, depending on the relationship between people--are they familiar, strangers, considered equals, etc.? Is a person introverted, extroverted, shy, ashamed, proud, trying to look confident even if they're not, or what? Someone might be busy with other tasks, mentally distracted, or angry with the other person in the room, or they might be overflowing with intense emotion they want to share, in need of deep comfort, keenly interested, confused about the other person, or at a loss for words for some reason--and perhaps only facial expression and eye contact will serve that. Do you want to flirt or do you want that stranger on the sidewalk to leave you alone? Eye contact--or the absence of it--can send a powerful message sometimes.

Personally, I usually want most people to feel comfortable around me, and I understand that moods and preferences vary, so unless their perceived attention to me is overly excessive or practically non-existent, I don't take much notice/take it personally, and I don't necessarily make it when I "should," either!

Currently, I have a large blemish on my chin and am experiencing many moments when I would rather be invisible altogether, so there's a decreased chance that I'll make eye contact with anyone!

Forgive me if this is unsolicited advice, but IMHO: it may serve you--ND or not--to be aware of when eye contact (or "facial attention") matters and try to work some in if/when you can, if/when you have to. The rest of the time, do you!!

BTW: Erewon, those pics are amazing. Deep.

Steven7, I love making eye contact with all kinds of animals. I'm dying to know what they're thinking and feeling and keep hoping we can connect and understand each other somehow.

"Eye contact with the faces from avatars"

I am a visual thinker, i like it that this forum ( and many other forum ) have the possibilety to upload a picture to use as a avatar. But some people use a picture from there face, a face that looks right in de camera at the moment the picture was taken. I dont like to look to that faces. I dont know the reason why people use a picture of themselve, anyway it feels a bit intimidating for my mind. I know that the faces on the avatar dont see me at the moment i get confrontated with there eyes. When a face on a avatar looks to the sideway it gives me a better feeling. In this case its the same as looking to eyes in real life, i mean that i love it when i look to eyes af animals who stare at me with the avatar.

I learned at an early age that making direct eye contact offers a number of advantages, most important is ascertaining intentions. The practice has shown me that more often than not the response is friendly and positive, that feels good.

Yesterday i did have very close eyecontact with a chestnut-spider



Two years ago it happend the same with a cousin of that chestnut.

Video calling is in vogue in the Corona era.

When I look straight into my webcam, the other person has the illusion that I look straight in the eyes of the other person. If I look directly into my webcam, I cannot make eye contact with the other person.
I don't have a built-in webcam, mine is to the right of the monitor. Eye contact is especially difficult in this setup. This gives a kind of feeling that I can look at a suspect at a police station through a mirrored window. Not quite because you see each other, but not piercing eyes that reach deep into my soul. There seems to be correction software where you both have the illusion that you look each other directly in the eye. That correction software is not necessary for me, I am fine with it. Without correction, I can confidently look at that beautiful painting that is hanging on the wall of the other person without the other person realise that i look to a drawing from Vincent van Gogh