To... be... described... as... a... colleague...?

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I had quite a weird moment... the writer of the word probably didn't think much of it, and it's not like I've personally talked to them in... about a decade... but... after the most atrocious month where 'former' 'colleagues' (of a different role) seemed to gang up on me to boot me out... to be called this... this utterly 'bureaucratic', career-sounding, 'job-mind-numbing-type' word and feel... weird about it... emotional?

Like, seriously I never thought i'd feel emotional about that word... then again, until two years ago 'control' didn't sound so ominous (despite it being something that my household could use some of, in terms of, y'know). But, suddenly, words change, as V for Vendetta showed (but no, that film's anti-authoritarianism doesn't change no matter how much the fascist f***s online would love it to).

But... a word like 'colleague' having an emotional reaction is almost as funny as crying in a baseball anime. Like, man, I can barely understand its rules, but still I feel the emotion? How the mind works, thusly...

Well, just what did it make you feel? Included? Distanced? Insulted? Under/overvalued?

Mostly weird... it's not exactly something I do incredibly often, it's online too, so, as mentioned, 'colleagues' can go decades without speaking, letting alone 'seeing' each other like they do 'IRL'... but, considering I felt so 'socially' rejected recently on an adjacent matter... and not it's not even social in any sense, perhaps a meetup once in a decade or something... so, it baffles me as to why I felt so awful recently I ended up downing five litres of 40% spirits, and at the same time feel weird about this tiny positive reinforcement after a month of 'virtual' 'hell'.

OK so this is going to be another substance abuse thread. You didn't down 5 liters of the stuff because someone called you a colleague. You downed it because you are an alcoholic. You might as well give up on the philosophical questions until you address your problem drinking.

I assume she was exaggerating; nobody could drink two litres of pure alcohol and survive.

Oh, I didn't mean instantaneously... no, five litres over a month or so... but really, I use drugs, it has never been the other way round... after a whole month I stopped and sought other 'destressing' 'solutions'... I'm also experimenting with other chemicals that I used to use years ago, but they're not quite responding as 'expected', perhaps with age they differ (I like the label 'psychonaut', but a responsible one at that with knowledge and tapering up or down as caution; nothing more interesting than altered states, but honestly, alcohol is still mostly only useful to numb pain, whether physical or social, but after a month at least I know one doesn't always vomit all the time).

ps. if you watched Tatami Galaxy, where my avatar derives from, sober, you'll get... well, you can imagine... but anime like that are made to be enjoyed in altered states, and imagine how many states I haven't yet enjoyed it in (so far I've only settled on a measured dose of a certain state, it could be interesting on a full-blown psychedelic trip but perhaps the trip takes over then and there isn't much artistic input).