Why do people assume my face matches what I'm feeling?

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No matter whatI say and do people insist that I"m angry. Even if I tell them otherwise over and over again. And It's not like theres any tension at all in my face. I'm gotten in trouble because of this- even though I'm not even angry! Why can't people just believe me?

Autistic people often have atypical body language. A high percentage of human communication is non verbal. The neurotypicals in your life are probably “reading” your atypical body language as anger. Body language is a lot more then facial expression. Your words may say I am not angry, your body language is telling them the opposite and they are choosing to believe your atypical body language over your words.

If it is any consolation I have been dealing with people insisting I am angry or upset when I am not my whole life. After awhile of people insisting I am angry I become actually angry.

I used to have the same problem, but it kind of dissapeared after a while since I got tired of it and every time someone didn't believe me the first time I did get angry at them for calling me a liar.

These days I'm extra careful about my body language at work and with people I want to leave a good impression on for one reason or the other, but everyone else I just ditch or let them know right away that it's not okay to go around calling others liars if they start doing that.

Psychologist Paul Ekman, an authority on facial expressions, says that of the 23 facial expressions relating to human emotion, about one-third involve the eyes.

Not being able to see a person's eyes greatly reduces our ability to infer his or her emotions. For example, telling a fake smile from a real one can be difficult, but if the smiler is wearing shades then detecting the sham smile is almost impossible. In a real smile, a muscle called the orbicularis oculi is activated, creating a hard-to-fake crinkling around the eyes. The eyes truly are the windows to the soul.

The eyes, eyelids, eyebrows and orbicularis oculi muscle play a major role in projecting emotions and the degree of emotions. The following is a list of some of these emotions:

* disgust, contempt, upset, unhappy, miserable,
* worry, apprehension, surprise, fear, terror, controlled fear
* broad smile, smile of enjoyment, a real smile from a fake smile, angry smile, miserable smile
* dispair or grief
* slight sadness, sadness, intense sadness, agony, masked sadness
* annoyance, slight anger, anger, controlled or restrained anger, glaring anger, masked expression of anger
* perplexity, confusion, concentration, determination

^ yes but some autistic people have to wear dark glasses, not our fault

My face usually matches my feelings but not always. I find having a frown or a scowl on my face most physically comfortable when I'm alone and not interacting with anybody or attracting anybody. I've been told to "cheer up" multiple times by strangers, which annoys me, because they don't know what's going on in my head. But, on the other hand, it's always been guys who have said that to me in public, so maybe it's a subtle form of flirting. Or maybe guys are just more honest, while other women who have a problem with my facial expression would just stare and judge. Maybe that's why I get stares, because of my tired or sad-looking facial expressions? Mind you, when I'm with others, I automatically smile more and look (and feel) more cheerful and confident, but I still get stares. So maybe that's not it then.

I find that consciously smiling a lot helps. NT people smile all the time and not just when they're happy (especially in America, I've heard). So when I'm feeling "neutral" I try to remind myself to smile.

I know this is masking & you may not feel it's helpful, but it can be a useful tool for navigating NT spaces.

I have the related problem of people thinking I am happy when I am actually quite depressed. I never know how to respond to that.

Other person (chirpilly): "You look happy."
Me: "Uh..."

During my first day at uni, me and my housemates went out together on campus. One person observed that (to them) I didn't seem "very happy" and another chimed in by saying that "oh yeah, his facial expression hasn't changed since we arrived here". In actuality I was feeling just neutral, and perhaps somewhat curious about the new environment that I was in. Similar incidents occurred during high school too.

At my first ASD assessment the assessor said I looked happy . I wasn't. My stepdaughter pointed out it was just my normal expression.

My diagnostic report suggested I had a limited range of facial expressions (and that I basically had resting b**** face-though obviously they didn't use those words) and it was at odds with the emotional range in my voice.

I always thought my face was quite expressive...but I relayed the above to my mum and she agreed my face was quite hard to read emotionally. On reflection, I've pulled faces in the mirror before and it does feel like it takes a lot to get my face to do what I'm trying to get it to do, so when I'm just going around being normal I can see how the reactions are probably rather muted. I do get people asking me if I'm okay a lot, despite me repeatedly assuring them I'm fine, so I guess that makes more sense in light of that (I guess I must look worried).

Most people's default is that your face does reflect your emotions-that's kind of the 'normal' way it works for most people-and they have a hard time imagining otherwise (especially since it probably isn't something they consider consciously).

People look at me and constantly ask, "what's wrong" or "why are you upset". The truth is, I look upset to NTs when I'm actually neutral or maybe even a little happy. I don't usually smile unless it is in front of someone I trust or I'm having a REALLY good time.

So I basically have a resting b— face.