Does anyone else get misinterpreted and it hurts?

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warbison
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10 Apr 2019, 5:40 pm

I sometimes get misinterpreted, online but mostly in real life as threating or suspect. I'm 6'3 beard 300 something pounds. So I somewhat understand the physical side. But I just feel tired of things blowing up in my face. I was having a nice conversation with someone here on wrong planet and everything got misinterpreted over key phrases that had nothing to do with each other and I get told the mother of the young woman says don't talk to him. Fair enough parents have the right to worry and she's lucky to have a good mom in her life. Or one time I saw a picture of a former classmate holder her stomach well I congratulated her on her pregnancy and apparently that's bullying to some people. Or when I'm at a bar and someone just wants to pick a fight with me cause he says I'm being an as*hole and I have no idea what he's talking about. Or people freak out when I walked around the town at night cause I like the night air and little kids were telling stories I was a vampire and stuff. Like it hurts after a while of things blowing up in my face. I don't try and be threatening or mean. I try and be nice but.....I wish this was easier somehow. Do you guys or gals deal with stuff like this? :(



naturalplastic
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10 Apr 2019, 8:30 pm

Occasionally in small ways yes. But not nonstop in big ways like with you.

I don't know what it is that you're doing wrong, but apparently in public you unintentionally rub folks the wrong way, and are totally unaware that you're doing it until some guy in a bar finally confronts you about "being an as*hole".

That's gonna get dangerous for you if you don't somehow correct whatever it is that needs correcting.



warbison
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10 Apr 2019, 8:41 pm

I am unsure what I did because all I did was walk into the said bar. Didn't speak to anyone just went on the deck to watch the sunset. I try and be nice to people or try and avoid others that I don't think I'd particularly get along with. I mean not a lot of people call me an as*hole but it was more of an example of I don't know what the hell I did. Just makes me sad. All the hurt and pain of being abused and then there is the cutoff part from humanity and when I do meet people misinterpret me to be dangerous. I've been working on myself but I guess I got a ways to go yet. But thank you so much for your suggestion sir it is appreciated.



elbowgrease
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10 Apr 2019, 9:27 pm

Apparently it's pretty common that people's first impression of me is intimidating, rough looking, etc. And there are a lot of times I think I've gotten the worst attitude that people have to offer because of it.
I'm not really sure why people get that impression from me.
Conversationally, I screw up pretty much every time. And most of the time I don't get the chance to recover from it.
No advice, really, but I guess I can relate.



warbison
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10 Apr 2019, 9:29 pm

Thank you, kind sir, for your empathy.



Dear_one
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10 Apr 2019, 9:38 pm

If someone asks how are you, and you reply "Fairly suicidal, thanks" in a cheery, quiet voice, they won't even notice the middle word. It might be fun to experiment with a few fun misinterpretations.
If children accidentally upset a dog and get bitten, there is a good chance of a lifetime of mutual mistrust. Every dog will sense the fear, and react to it in kind. Some recent research has been a great help to me - it confirms that getting plenty of sleep is essential to not only feeling friendly, but also to looking approachable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... Ebtf7uS6P8
I once had a fairly scary looking but friendly dog. I made him a big peace sign for his collar pendant. If he'd been a Bulldog, even a party hat would not have made him look happy, but you might try adopting some whimsical garment if one seems comfy with your persona. If you can do a good smile, that is golden.



warbison
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10 Apr 2019, 10:03 pm

Maybe. I'm not sure what I look good in.



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10 Apr 2019, 11:16 pm

People tend to fear or feel threatened by what they consider out of the norm. Different responses can come from that. Making up stories, avoidance, or by challenging you.

I've had some issues with this kind of thing. I've been told/thought to be I'm intimidating, a snob, lazy, manipulative, a liar etc. While I've just sat there wondering what I did to make them hate me. It's very hurtful to be accused of and treated poorly when you only ment to get along and do the right thing. So I definitively feel for you.

A method I adopted when I was younger was to just to try to be invisible. Not stand out and don't do anything that you might not see most others doing. I don't especially think that's good advice to implement though. A piece to take from it though would be to maybe take note of how relaxed looking guys conduct themselves and maybe try to emulate that. If you adopted some passive body behaviors it might take some of the edge off your presence.

When passing by people, entering a room, etc giving a nod, wave, hello, quick to anyone you may have an eye connect with could make you seem more friendly. If you don't do that other people sometimes will think you're a jerk and certain characters will get in your face about it; particularly because you're male.

Other stuff... I don't know, I still can't figure out many of these things that I run into. :?


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warrier120
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10 Apr 2019, 11:39 pm

I've also noticed that people tend to run away from things that are different.

I've had many people leave me and never come back due to how I present myself. I always ask myself questions like Was it something I said? or Was it something I did? when someone rejects me for any reason. Or maybe I accidentally disclosed something I shouldn't. Or maybe I could have presented too little information (e.g. a one-word label without explanation) on the outside to prove myself.

I constantly feel that I have to prove myself because others are not seeing the many facets of me. People are not seeing all of me. For example, they may only be seeing the autistic side of me, and they only know about autism stereotypes, therefore associating these stereotypes with me and avoiding me.

People probably aren't seeing the best traits in you. I'm younger than you, OP, but I have experienced these issues too.


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KeepOn
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11 Apr 2019, 1:51 am

Yes, so much so that I can spend hours working on an email just to try to get the tone/wording absolutely perfect.

I also think I sometimes misinterpret other people, particularly they're facial expressions. Eg, thinking someone is annoyed at me or laughing at me when they're doing nothing of the sort.

Alterity wrote:
A method I adopted when I was younger was to just to try to be invisible. Not stand out and don't do anything that you might not see most others doing. I don't especially think that's good advice to implement though.


I do that at work. I find it's better for me to just focus on doing my job, because the social side on top of the work is just too much to process every day. I know all the hiding places and corridors I can use to avoid people. I will do the bare minimum of socialising with my colleagues in order to keep a harmonious relationship with them but otherwise keep myself to myself.



Dear_one
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11 Apr 2019, 2:24 am

KeepOn wrote:
Yes, so much so that I can spend hours working on an email just to try to get the tone/wording absolutely perfect. .


If I spend a long time to get some wording perfect, I usually change my mind after a sleep or other mood change. I think communication requires constant feedback and correction. Even though the Bible is officially the work of God Himself, there are hundreds of different interpretations of those words.