OP - I feel the same way about Asperger's as you. I wish I wasn't born with it to begin with. Why did it have to be me? Especially knowing that my mum had a healthy pregnancy with me, with no birth complications, and I wasn't born prematurely (I was actually born 5 days after my due date), and I didn't have breathing difficulties after I was born. I was a normal, healthy baby, reached all milestones at the average stages, and was a sociable, happy baby.
Then I wonder if the MMR did cause me to have this curse. My mum's got down in one of her diaries that after I had the MMR jab, I had a fever but wasn't unwell with a virus or anything. Maybe that was the cause of this s**t. So it utterly SCARES me to think that I was born an NT child, and could of had friends through school instead of being the outcast or ''the kid with special needs'', until this vaccination was inserted into me, scrambling my NT brain into this abomination. But then why do some children's brains change from the vaccination whilst others don't?
And when people think they are making me feel better about Asperger's by telling me all these Aspies that were successful and turned out rich, that does not make me feel ANY better. It would if I was a genius. But I'm not. I struggled academically through school, I was never ahead of the other children, in fact I was behind. And also I hate when people tell me that I might be a genius but not know it. Um, no, that doesn't make me feel any better, and I'm 25 years old, I'm sure I'd know by now if I was a genius or not. And don't call me ''clever'' or ''genius'' by reading my good spelling and punctuation in my posts. I do a lot of typing and I enjoy writing and spelling is something I'm good at, but lots of people are good at spelling and punctuation and enjoy writing and typing, and that don't make them geniuses. Everybody's clever in their own way, meaning everybody's got something they're good at. My strength happens to be writing. I am not a genius though. And I don't WANT to be even if I was. What I want is to be normal and have lots of friends. Well, I do consider myself normal, but I daren't express that on sites like WP because all Aspies seem to believe that we are not normal. I find that offensive.
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Female