Why do nuerotypicals view being "quiet" as a bad thing?

Post Reply New Topic

Whenever I'm quiet theres all sorts of drama. She's stuck-up, she's rude, she's angry. What wrong with being quiet anyway? Then when I do talk people get angry about my tone of voice and the things I say- so it's better to not talk. Does this happen to you? Why does being "quiet" bother people so much?

For some of us (NT and aspie although mostly aspie), the default is talk and silence is scary. We wonder what thoughts you have which are unexpressable in words. Unfair to people to whom the default is silence and words are scary, of course.

I'm really talkative but I was known as quiet in the only paid job I had because I literally just sat down in silence and did my work. I was a typist so I didn't see the point of talking beyond asking what I needed to do that day and saying I'd done it.

Whenever I'm quiet at the library, people leave me alone. Whenever I'm quiet at work, people ask me if I'm busy. Whenever I'm quiet at church, people ask me if I'm alright. Whenever I'm quiet at home, my wife puts her arms around me and lets me know she still loves me.

It all depends on the context.

People are afraid because they don't "know your thoughts."

You have some people who think quiet people are always "scheming."

Even with family I tend to be quiet unless spoken too, ie I'll seldom initiate anything. As I can have several days at a time without seeing anyone I don't talk much on the average week.

Why do nuerotypicals view being "quiet" as a bad thing?

Because they're weird imo

I'm one of those loud quiet people. Quiet most of the time, especially if in an unfamiliar environment. Loud and involved when I do engage.

Most people don't think of me as quiet even though it's my default setting.

Good question

Being quiet is not a good or bad thing

Idiots talk too much and too loudly and there are too many of them



They laugh too much and too loudly


Frequency intensity duration


Lil dipshits act like "I talk, therefore I am"


They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their precious lil head is the latest greatest scientific invention



Then when I say the slightest thing, they grunt "huh " and "what". Like it is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"



They laugh at things I don't find funny


And don't think they find it funny either



Laughter is not magical



Sooner or later if lil penises keep flapping their stupidass traps like that, they are going to hurt my ears or feelings

Re the talking loud. I've been told I talk loud,but on the other hand I've had quite a few times when people have quizzically repeated back,quite wrongly, things they've thought I've said.

Isn't that a plant - A Penis Flaptrap ?

I am a compulsive talker and it's something I have to put excessive amounts of energy in to control, to the point where after I've been in a social gathering and I become too exhausted to keep putting on my social "mask" it starts to slip, and I just start talking about what I want to without realizing I am dominating the conversation. I also realize at this point that peoples favor of me is going down.

Over time social confrontations have caused me to become guarded and the fear of being against a whole group of people in an argument is often enough to keep me from saying anything.

My neighbours seem to think it's ok to talk loudly in their garden. To each other or to people who they could easily invite into their house.

I consider it very rude.

It's probably because they don't realise people have sound sensitivities. But then even my parents who have hearing difficulties are able to hear them and be woken up/disturbed by them.

But NTs who aren't arrogant don't do that, maybe do it even less than aspies who aren't arrogant would.

Talkative people tend to do better in social situations, if they are not self-centred. Nobody has a negative opinion of quiet people to my knowledge.


I'm guessing that if you are an aspie and quiet then perhaps people who care about you want you to share your feelings so that they can help you and understand you better? In NT culture quiet is often equated with troubled.

Many NT's have social anxiety also, and are shy. Quietness is just a quality, not judged as being better or worse. In my country everyone speaks loudly, and if you don't, you run the risk of being ignored. A bit like the Italian dynamic.

In my teaching career I have taught many Hi- Tech programmers and engineers. One Russian guy said to me "you want me to talk in English, but very sorry, I don't even talk in Russian." He was probably an aspie.

Being quiet is also equated with being sneaky, stuck-up, or scheming on some nefarious plot. People accused me of these things when I only trying to NOT draw attention to myself. They would also imagine that my sex life was kinky, perverted, or just plain weird when I didn't even have a sex life!

When one person who is hardly ever upset about something, suddenly raises their voice, the world turns upside down and seems to come to an end... it is often the quietest lamb that can have the roar of a lion.

Shame about the sex life back then, kinky is all the rage these days

I wish people were kinder. It greatly saddens me that people cannot be tolerant of those who are different to themselves. I know, naive.

I suppose quiet people are often social misfits. Who are these people who picked on you? Family as well?

I personally never shut up, but I tend to draw people out of their shells because I'm very warm and friendly by nature.
As a child I was extremely quiet because of a mad, violent household, but now I am better at being assertive and I am more confident. Quiet children are sometimes that way because they are traumatised.

Fnord: Yes, the lion's roar comes when you finally cannot take any more. The quiet, abused lamb finally speaks out for himself.
Bullies are the biggest cowards often. Many of those who made my life a misery are terrified of me now.

The bullies stopped picking on me once I laid their leader out cold in the middle of the street with one punch to the face. Something like this, only without the arena or the referee:



A "lucky" shot on my part, but everything changed for the better after that.