"Stimming" more often later in life than in childhood?

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I put "stimming" in quotes because I'm new to this and I don't know if I'm actually doing it. Hell, I don't even know if I'm autistic. But ever since my therapist and psychiatrist scheduled ASD screening on account of my rocking, pacing, and VERY RARE hand flapping, I've been retracing the steps and looking at my life.

And while the other deficiencies such as eye contact, non-literal interpretation, and overall social skills have improved since childhood, I find that my "stimming" is much worse now (I'm 19, and it's been terrible the last 3 or so years). I've always been a pacer, my friends would say that I "sharked" them like a shark circling in the water whilst speaking. But now I pace constantly. I rock my entire body forward when anxious, happy, upset, or aroused without even realizing it. And if I try to stop I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I thought it was akathisia from my antipsychotic, but 1. it comes and goes and 2. beta blockers and cogentin have done nothing to help.

I'm so sick of this, I can't sit still anymore and I feel so anxious and bored all the time. What scares me is that if it were akathisia I could at least stop my Vraylar and try something else or try benzos, but if it truly is stimming am I just doomed to never feel at ease?

I'm not saying one way or the other, but that sounds very different to the impetus I feel to stim. It's more like I am just letting my body do what it naturally wants to do. Not stimming is the effort. Stimming is a relief. Even with nervous energy.

I think it's entirely possible that the need to stim comes and goes according to stress, your life's social complexity etc. But I believe that other sources of cognitive distress/disorder/illness + sensory overload other than autism can give rise to similar behaviours.

Yes, I totally agree with all of that - stimming isn't of itself a harmful thing; quite the opposite, it's an instinctive behaviour of our brain trying to look after itself. If I find that it's getting in the way of life a bit, the first thing I ask myself is; "why do I feel the need to do it more; what is it that's stressing me out?". Trying to suppress it is not only hard-work, I think it's potentially harmful - much better to look for the source of the mental agitation.

I did stim as a child, but paid it little mind. Adults were constantly telling me to get off my tip toes, quit fidgeting, sit still, etc. For me it just happens. I realize that i am stimming and have to consciously suppress it. Stress plays a big role. More stress, more stim. My wife can gauge my mood by my stims, and if I come home particularly stimmy she lets me be until it slows down then asks what happened.

Stimming is a natural way for the body to release stress. So in this case the main problem is stress. Since you are a pacer, I suspect that your stress energy is stored in your legs.

One way to vent this stress energy is exercise. The middle layer of the brain within the Sympathetic Nervous system controls the “fight or flight response”. When an individual encounter a threat, they either flee or attack. Unused stress energy builds up in your muscles and nervous system. This stress energy needs to be purged or it will slowly damage your body. This can be done by exercise but there is a secret here. Most exercise only reduces stress for a few minutes or hours. You need to purge this energy so that the effects last for days, week, and months. In order to do this it requires an extreme vent. You need to simulate being chased by a tiger, literally chased by a tiger.

An example of exercise that will purge deep stress (exercise in which maximal oxygen uptake is 100%), is to perform ten 6-second maximal sprints (a 50-yard dash), running like a bat out of hell with a 30 second recovery between each sprint. [This emulates the flight response in a panic.]

Thank you everybody, I definitely agree that trying not to stim is very taxing and not worth it. It's just that my mom encourages me to not do it because she says that I'll stand out and draw attention to myself. I know she means well and just doesn't want me to be bullied or hurt or made fun of, but I wish she could understand how hard it is to stop stimming and that it's natural. I just started a new job and have been very overwhelmed with heartbreak and general relationship/social stuff, so maybe that's why I'm stimming more?

And thank you @jimmy m for the suggestion, I love it when I get advice with quantifiable instructions because it leaves less room for me to mess it up I will definitely give it a try

Her concern is only natural, yes; but ultimately you have the right to decide which strategies you use to help you through life and when you employ them. One of the most liberating things about my diagnosis was realising that I actually had a choice at all - for four decades, I had believed my stimming to be so freakish that I cringed with embarrassment even if I was alone and caught myself doing it, as with many of my autistic traits (I've become very good at memorising patterns of squeaky/non-squeaky floorboards, as I'm a pacer, too!)

Since diagnosis, I've looked for a balance between expressing myself more freely and flying under people's radar depending on how comfortable I feel with the company and situation, and how well I'm doing for energy (usually a lot better since I stopped masking 24/7!) I do consider myself fortunate to have masking as an option in my coping toolbox (I realise that not all of us do, and some may not wish for it), but the less I use it, the better I feel about myself.

I'm beginning to wonder if my artwork is one of my stims. I do more of it when I'm around people. I go through at least one of those wire bound mixed media art books a month. I bought myself a 30 page book of black card stock paper yesterday and I've already done holographic paintings on 10 of those sheets. My favourite tagline is, "I keep on working on my art, because I don't know what to say." I got the idea from the manufactured tagline, "I just smile, because I don't know what to do."

^ Quite possible, Schultz. There's a fair bit of research about how doodling affects attention when people do it from boredom (mostly showing it to be beneficial), and I've thought before that it could also apply to a need for shutting out uncomfortable social or sensory stimuli. Certainly, my own creativity seems driven as much by its "meditative" quality as raw creativity (very closely related, IMHO.)

When I researched ASD for the first time, stimming is one of the things that jolted me. I had been doing it since I could remember and hadn't really realized it.

Notorious pacer. Also a lot of monologuing when I'm alone...rehearsing social interactions...venting...discussing interesting things...etc. Sometimes I get caught in a loop and repeat the same kind of thing over and over. I was told I really enjoyed rocking on a rocking horse when I was very little. I spun my pencil obsessively in school on my fingers (was rather good at it). In high school, I spent so much time alone outside spinning a metal rod around and also just sitting and thinking for hours.

In a weird way, I would even classify classical guitar practice vaguely as stimming. Repetition of motor gestures and all that.

I really don't like it if I feel like I'm in a living situation where I can't really pace and monologue. It's basically my favorite activity. I haven't had a good place to do it in a few months.

I used to sit with my legs in a Chinese splits kind of position and rock back and forth when I was a small child. My parents have me on video and I just do it, drop to this position, mid walking in public without any kind of effort. I was made to feel ashamed of doing this (it looks sexual even though it wasn’t) and then started doing it in hiding. As an adult, I’m a leg bouncer/twitcher but get told to stop if I’m sharing a sofa with someone, it annoys them which I can understand. I end up wiggling my toes instead. Only time I hand flap is when I’m excited but don’t know if you’d class this as a stimm.

I never realised what these things were called until I discovered ASD. I think I eased off with stimming when I became self conscious but have gradually increased with it as I’ve gotten older.

@dyadiccounterpoint
My pacing is usually accompanied by monologuing too, and usually if I'm out for a walk in the countryside (I'm used to getting strange looks from the dog-walkers that I encounter!) And I know what you mean about living environment - I've been forced to share accommodation to save money quite a few times, and it feels so oppressive when I can't let go of feeling self-conscious, even if no-one's actually complaining about it. (BTW: Best thing about my current digs; my room came complete with a rocking chair - awesome!)

I call that kind of thing "stealth stimming", and I intentionally buy shoes with plenty of wiggle room. I always carry a few stimmy things in my pockets too; I'm particularly fond of handling certain fabric textures, so I keep little off-cuts of old clothes as super-cheap stim-toys that I can play with without my hands being visible.

Is stimming always caused by anxiety?

I'm like that too. Pacing and monologging, spacing out, wiggling toes and fingers, rocking.
I'm never still. My mother used to get on my case about it when i was a little kid and I'm over 70 now.
I don't know if it's anxiety, It just feels natural.

I don't think necessarily, no. Joyful excitement can bring it out in me, as is often seen in autistic children. Another function which I think it has is to help unify my mind with my body - the feeling of physical embodiment is often quite vague for me, probably as a result of sensory and attentional traits, and stimming seems to make me feel more "whole".

Yes, I think that's it, probably just needing sensory input for some people.
Also distracting from discomfort of clothing.

I stimmed more as a child. My mom didn't understand the concept of "stims". But at that time I doubt anyone did. My mom described them as "nervous tics" or "compulsions". I was on a drug that I later found out is for OCD. I think I stimmed more as a child because people always pointed it out and made me uncomfortable.

As I got older, I stopped caring what people though and my mom was pretty much giving up trying to make me normal. Once I got older, people seemed to get used to the idea I stimmed and left me alone about it.