Dealing with Emotions is a Disaster...

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...after having buried them for so long.

Basically, I wasn't able to deal with them growing up because they were so hard to understand or reconcile and because I lacked the usual NT self-comfort with myself. Now that I've tried to deal with them, they've come back with a vengeance and I don't seem to have any middle ground between healthy dealing with emotions and just a total breakdown.

I'm experiencing daily mood swings as a result. Before, I had stability because I thought in absolutes, but as soon as I tried to remove that and be a little more like an NT I started experiencing fluctuations that are throwing me around violently, almost to the point where I've needed serious help.

Any similar situation with emotional confusion, advice, solutions for how to process emotion? Right now I just feel pain in my stomach, head, and distributed through my body but it's not physical pain, instead its a sort of unusual tightness, what I can only assume is anxiety. I try to stretch but the more I try to solve it the worse it gets.

Regulating your emotions. A friend of mine on the spectrum who's also a retired medical doctor AND has taught herself CBT has told me that's what should be the main goal of my own therapy. Imo it's one important one anyway. I'll keep plugging "Living Well on the Spectrum", if CBT has any appeal to you. There's a chapter in there on the "emotional differences" of the ASD brain from the NT brain. And the second half of the book deals w/various areas in one's life (work, friends, dating/relationships, school, home life, etc) where emotional differences (along w/sensory, social and cognitive ones) come up and how to try to resolve them.

Let me reiterate, CBT is not for everyone so maybe this idea would be of no use to you. Maybe you'd respond better to other sorts of therapy, advice, ideas, etc. I'm using it b/c it's what my therapist assigned me to use and b/c so far it's at least helping me identify both my issues re: feelings/emotions, but also other areas, as well as some of my "strengths". Those are supposed to be the basis for which you can develop coping strategies to deal w/emotion-related issues.

Whatever you do, don't give up hope. There's probably some way or combination of ways for you to deal w/these issues. You just have to find it/them. Good luck!

I won't be surprised if there aren't going to be any more replies to this thread, but I have a bit to add that will partly sound at least like I'm contradicting my previous post. That's possibly true, but these are also some of the emotional regulation issues that I'm really struggling with and more or less have been throughout my life to date. That's partly what the book I'm reading (I'm working on the emotions chapter atm actually) and the therapy I'm doing are supposed to help with, so we'll see how things unfold.

I have difficulty w/the regulating the level of intensity sometimes of at least three of the four basic emotions the book talks about: fear, anger and sadness, and to some extent this has probably even inhibited my experience of the one positive one, joy. Most of the time, I'm just not a very happy person. When I get upset about something (or multiple things), I often get very pissed off/furious when I'm angry, flat out miserable when I'm sad (sometimes to the point of despair) and terrified (sometimes to the point of emotional paralysis) when I'm afraid.

I'm not gonna go into my current life situation, my lingering bereavement issues or anything else like that on this thread since I've done so elsewhere and may do so again. But, partly due to some of the cognitive distortions (negative self-talk) I have, I can easily get upset particularly at other people and my feelings can go through intense cycles of fear, anger and sadness toward them, especially when I feel I'm being mistreated. Or if I end up having to deal w/the (usually negative) consequences of their actions or if I feel they're not acting in a way I feel they should. These are big issues for me and there are often are times when I just feel I don't care that I should be working on myself and rather feel that the responsibility for adapting/changing should rest w/other people. I've been told that's unhealthy, even toxic thinking and at times I really don't know what to do about that. The reality is the world's an unfair, cold place and few people actually care about how you're feeling or how you're doing in general. And I simply haven't yet been able to come to grips w/that, in part b/c my own social support system really doesn't meet most of my emotional needs. I'm told this is my job to work on this and that at the same time I don't have to do this alone, but atm it often does feel like I do, which right now I just can't do much effectively b/c those support people just aren't in my life yet.

I can relate.
I sucked up emotions till I became simply mentally ill three years ago.
After getting out of misdiagnosis, I've worked with a therapist to learn new strategies to deal with emotions. A lot of work. A lot of time. I guess it's worth it, I don't want to go insane again, it was no fun.
But yes, before the emotions settle, they swing wildly.

Hi
I can relate, I also have difficulties dealing with my emotions. For me, DBT therapy has helped a lot (the group part was hell and I didn't finish those sessions but I still have my one on one therapist so it works). There are four modules in DBT and one of them is emotion regulation. I find DBT very straight forward, you read chapters with different content and then get homework related to that chapter. There are a lot of DBT self help books, that might be something you could look into.

Buried or not, the outcomes the same if one is naught but misunderstood and disappointed. That's what how I think so.

More so if words ruins them all.
I've been fighting my emotional sensitivities. I don't accept my own emotions easily because it's already bad as it is. If I become emotional, I tend to forget things -- things that matters more than myself and involving myself.

If I could truly regulate emotions, then I can serve others better. I'd stop being 'self-absorbed', I'd stop having to think for myself having the need to 'self-monitor', I'd stop whatever 'coping mechanisms' that narcissists seems to similarly pull.
There's a real difference between narcissism from your usual emotional developmental delay, with ill-timed awareness and badly crafted coping mechanisms along with it. It seems common around puberty for an obvious reason.

I know this because I've been at such state -- when my internal emotional regulation was at it's best, from it's usual bad. This includes acceptance and processing. Supposedly I won't have this when -- socially and emotionally inexperienced, except I was fulfilled and had felt too many things already. So why? I dunno if this explanation of my case may explain some.
But what if one can't handle the process of emotions? This is basically part executive functions part introception. I have the latter but not much with the former. What if one don't accept emotions for whatever circumstance? I have pride instead of trauma for that, so it's basically my fault.
External ones are second, but not easily available if not well connected, can't communicate well, and if people around don't bother to understand.

So, yeah. I've expressed my emotions rather openly. But how well? Still badly.
I ended up with suggestions, like, confide to God or a special friend.
Couldn't because I don't wanna 'use' God for something petty as my feelings even if I've known for His acceptance and unconditional love. Flawed humans or not, I don't wanna 'abuse' that and I cannot help but impose that on myself.
I do have such special friend, but she already got her own problems... I don't wanna worry her.


TLDR; I know what you feel, even if I'm very open and expressive about my emotions.

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I think in a lot of cases this is part of a necessary process. It is especially disconcerting for a routine, logically oriented Autistic. The urge and habit is to reclamp it down but it is late for that. As long as you or others are not being hurt it is best to let your autistic brain continue deal with this the way it needs to.

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