Page 1 of 4 [ 53 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

BlueIris24
Raven
Raven

Joined: 18 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 113

06 May 2019, 1:18 pm

Do you notice that you attract certain types of people? I don't just mean romantically, but friendship-wise.

I seem to attract motherly types who think I am "cute" and call me pet names. I also can attract extremely negative draining people, but I don't attract those as often anymore.



dyadiccounterpoint
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2019
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 464
Location: Nashville

06 May 2019, 1:30 pm

Honestly, looking back at it, I tended to attract people who displayed ASD traits, whether clinically or sub clinically.

I just found out the other day my best friend from elementary-high school is on the spectrum. His sister told me, and to be honest his behavior matches the profile exactly: social aversion, vegetation at stimulus (especially social) overload, preference for dim lighting and quiet, restricted obsessive interests (video games, politics, and substances for him), and aversion to change. We made such good friends because we shared these kinds of qualities. He was one of the few people I could have long, enjoyable conversations with. We just kind of understood each other in a way that I tend not to reach with others.


_________________
We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society - Alan Watts


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

06 May 2019, 2:21 pm

I seem to attract odd-balls and eccentrics which is probably why I managed to make friends and have romantic relationships :lol: There were some narcissists and (maybe) sociopaths in between but otherwise it worked great for me. It's probably why I don't empathise much with people here when they make ridiculous generalisations about NTs or the opposite sex. But maybe they live in much smaller or more conformist environments *shrug*.


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

06 May 2019, 2:22 pm

I seem to attract people who are either looking for hand-outs or who want to convert me to a world-view full of conspiracies, pseudo-science, and alternate histories.



AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,557

06 May 2019, 2:33 pm

Motherly types who want to save me. I hate them.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

06 May 2019, 3:23 pm

I used to attract the controlling types, like girls who thought they could influence me to do whatever they wanted me to do. But as soon as they found out that I'm not as gullible as I look, they dropped me or even started bullying.

But in the last 8 years I've attracted older women twice my age, who admire my kindness. I also attract women my age or younger who aren't NTs (I can't seem to attract NTs my age, only older NTs). So those are the better types of people to attract. I stay well away from the troubled chavvy types who just want to use me.

My parents used to worry about what type of boyfriend I'll get. My mum seemed to have this idea that I will end up in an abusive relationship. But I do have a decent boyfriend, and I'm happy and settled. I'm not really as gullible as people think I am. If I am unhappy somewhere, I get so anxious and depressed to the point where I have to remove myself, or if it's not that easy I'm still able to tell people or do other things to help myself get away.


_________________
Female


BlueIris24
Raven
Raven

Joined: 18 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 113

06 May 2019, 3:35 pm

dyadiccounterpoint wrote:
Honestly, looking back at it, I tended to attract people who displayed ASD traits, whether clinically or sub clinically.

I just found out the other day my best friend from elementary-high school is on the spectrum. His sister told me, and to be honest his behavior matches the profile exactly: social aversion, vegetation at stimulus (especially social) overload, preference for dim lighting and quiet, restricted obsessive interests (video games, politics, and substances for him), and aversion to change. We made such good friends because we shared these kinds of qualities. He was one of the few people I could have long, enjoyable conversations with. We just kind of understood each other in a way that I tend not to reach with others.


That kind of reminds me of the best friend I have now. He is probably not on the spectrum, but has some oddities about him that helped us connect. We've been friends for 11 or so years.



BlueIris24
Raven
Raven

Joined: 18 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 113

06 May 2019, 3:38 pm

AprilR wrote:
Motherly types who want to save me. I hate them.


I'd get pretty annoyed with that too. It's like they don't see you as a person, but a project.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

06 May 2019, 3:43 pm

People who approach me in parking lots wanting money, a ride in my vehicle, to use my cellphone, or to proselytize to me and offer me to go to the church they attend. I've had others offer me drugs which I always decline and one tried to pass me a phone number that may have been a pot dealer's number at work but I turned it down.



SaveFerris
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,762
Location: UK

06 May 2019, 3:48 pm

I am standoffish with people and this puts most people off , In the past the type of people I attract are usually needy people , not nasty but needy with no boundaries. I think I am a bit of a freak magnet being a freak myself.

Online I attract people who have the same sense of humour as me or vice versa.


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Trogluddite
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2016
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075
Location: Yorkshire, UK

06 May 2019, 4:18 pm

Some other Aspies. I discovered that there were two others in my little social circle when I disclosed my diagnosis, and another is seeking diagnosis. A few of the others might be said to be a bit eccentric or unconventional. The more conventional ones are the kind who don't have to strain themselves to tolerate the eccentric ones. All are characterised by not being people who care about the social pecking-order much, and having a straightforward way of communicating (I don't mean always literal or without humour, but no stupid mind games.)

Mothering, wanna-fix-you types? Yes, quite often especially when I was younger, and usually more romantically than friendship-wise. But looking back, I can see that I was doing a pretty good impression of a lost puppy a lot of the time, so maybe not surprising. Data may be somewhat skewed by the fact that I have no idea when someone is attracted to me (though trustworthy sources inform me that it has happened!)

Oddballs? Often, yes. I was a junior member of the Not Admitted To Any Other Club Club and never gave up my membership. Everything from super-swotty, middle-class maths geeks to the dyslexic council-estate lad who got bullied for enjoying "girly" gymnastics in the playground. There are folks that treat people nicely, and folks that don't; I'm too lazy to categorise people by any other of the multitude of characteristics they might have. Making friends is hard, but there's more chance if you're tolerant yourself.

Bus-stop proselytisers etc. - oh, yes; always. And if there's a huddle of school kids on a street corner looking for someone to be cheeky to, I brace myself.

Truly nasty people? I was a bully-magnet at primary school; less so as I got older (probably just because my masking improved.) Very rarely in adulthood - though to some extent, the good people that I know help me to know when I should be a bit careful.


_________________
When you are fighting an invisible monster, first throw a bucket of paint over it.


Arganger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,707
Location: Colorado

06 May 2019, 4:19 pm

Other autistic people and people with ADHD.
Other than that most people just leave me be


_________________
Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

06 May 2019, 4:26 pm

Trogluddite wrote:
Some other Aspies. I discovered that there were two others in my little social circle when I disclosed my diagnosis, and another is seeking diagnosis. A few of the others might be said to be a bit eccentric or unconventional. The more conventional ones are the kind who don't have to strain themselves to tolerate the eccentric ones. All are characterised by not being people who care about the social pecking-order much, and having a straightforward way of communicating (I don't mean always literal or without humour, but no stupid mind games.)

This, thank you!

As for the bolded part - yes, one of the reasons my experiences with "NTs" weren't generally that bad (with some notable exceptions), is because of this. Maybe it's because I'm old, but I've met quite a few people like that :)


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


Clawford
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 9 Apr 2019
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 24

06 May 2019, 4:50 pm

Those people who are nice to everyone and attract everyone, but had bad relationships with their parents. You know, they're secretly insecure, or so I like to imagine it.
Adrenaline seekers.
People who enjoy cringe culture.
Weebs.
Fans of forgotten franchises.



Raised By Wolves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2015
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Location: UK

06 May 2019, 4:56 pm

these days I don't attract anyone it seems


but I've definitely had some of the ones who want to help/fix/change me which is very annoying



Trogluddite
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2016
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075
Location: Yorkshire, UK

06 May 2019, 5:18 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Maybe it's because I'm old, but I've met quite a few people like that

When I discovered that I already had a couple of Aspie friends, at first I thought; "wow! what a coincidence." But, of course, it's not coincidence at all; they were attracted to and attracted by the same kind of people. None of us suspected autism of ourselves or of each other before I disclosed, and I do wonder whether it has helped that we did not see the world as divided into ND and NT.


_________________
When you are fighting an invisible monster, first throw a bucket of paint over it.