Hope for aspergers? The neorotypical site and heartless aspe

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Hello everybody,
My name is Michael, fairly new to the site and looking for a bit of support really.
Im awaiting diagnoses and strongly suspect along with others that i have aspergers syndrome. Im 38 and was diagnosed with major depression at 18, i believe that the aspergers was missed.
Any way i have done lots of research on the subject, and come across a couple of sites that have dis heartened me a bit.
The neurotypical site and heartless aspergers. They are full of stories of how aspies are almost monsters that need to be avoided at all costs, that we are incapable of heathy relationships and are almost bad, abusive people. I couldnt relate to that im not the best socially and in relationships, but i do my best and cause little harm, usually get hurt myself. It did deplete me a little reading these sites portrails, and left me a little hopeless, so im looking for some reassurance really that these sites are not a true reflection of aspergers.
Thanks for reading.
Michael

That Heartless Aspergers site is plain BS. It's made by one jaded woman who had a bad relationship with an Aspie and decided to tar all Aspies with the same brush... full of mis-information. And the Neurotypical Site seems to be the same. They're hate sites and should be removed IMO. Makes me prefer to use the word Autism when telling someone about myself as I hate the idea of someone searching for Aspergers information and coming up with that!

They are ridiculous websites worthy of being ignored.

I am a believer that ignoring people (and websites) usually makes them just go away.

I always wonder if Aspies are so heartless and lacking in empathy, why is it always the Aspie kids who get bullied at school? If NT's are so empathetic why don't they leave them alone and accept they're different?

You know those websites are merely talking s**t, right?

There are books you can read by Aspies that have figured out what works for their relationships.

Aspies in successful relationships are often too busy to spend a lot of time on websites.

Thanks everyone was just looking for a bit of support as im new to the likelyhood of being an aspie and possibly a bit fragile at the moment.these people make the outlook so bleak and make out we are some kind of psychopaths or narcissists. If i was one of those im sure i would be much further up the social ladder by now !

One thing about us Aspies.....we have the ability to be better critical thinkers than we actually are.

This website has been discussed before here, and it makes my blood boil. I wish I knew how to report it or tell the woman what a heartless b***h she is. It's all very well saying I should ignore it but it disturbs me that this website still exists on the internet and that thousands of people could be reading it right now. The way she created it makes it sound so believable to people who lack knowledge about Asperger's. And the last thing the Aspie community needs is to have websites like that existing, giving us a bad name.

I think some neurotypical people can certainly misinterpret autistic people as acting in those ways. When we communicate it is not just what we say and how we say it that influences how someone understands it, but their preconceptions and I think that sometimes leads to some neurotypical people (wrongly) ascribing certain motivations to behaviour or things people say that are at total odds with an autistic person's intentions or perceptions. They don't understand us as much as we sometimes don't understand them (something known as the 'double empathy' problem.) Add to that, some people might already harbour a loads of misconceptions about autistic people (such as that we lack empathy) and that can also fuel negative ways that they misinterpret us.

I think there's a good example here (which is looking at communication gone awry in the workplace) https://theaspergian.com/2019/01/05/aspergers-and-employers-case-study/

If the misunderstanding continues, sometimes people just double down on their judgement without considering another explanation (i.e. if your partners perception of a situation is different from yours, insisting they must be lying or trying to gaslight you-and failing to consider that their perception might actually be an honest one). And when people have had relationships go wrong with people, it makes them feel better to feel they can entirely blame the other party, and reassure themselves it's not their fault.

If it helps. . . I am a neurotypical (whatever that is) woman who fell into a strong friendship with an aspie several,years ago. . . . . I stumbled on those sites too, and immediately saw how biased, angry and bitter they were. My friend and I have had many problems misunderstanding each other, and he has hurt me many times, as I am sure I have hurt him. On both sides unintentionally. . . . . .. . .i have always come to this site to get my help and advice. . . . . .even tho sometimes I have not heard what I “wanted” I recognise that I certainly didn’t want those “other sites”biased and critical view. I wanted to understand Aspergers and recognise how and where I might be making things difficult. . . . . not start a war.. . . . . . .

The Heartless Aspergers site seems written by someone with an axe to grind. She was obviously hurt deeply by someone, and I think it speaks as much to the author's emotional maturity as to anything else that this is the chosen way to deal with it.

It takes two people to make a relationship, and I know that I'm no treat all the time. My spouse has had to remind me that I need to make more of an effort in one area or another on occasion. A desire for communication from both parties is the most important component in a relationship. Unfortunately, in a relationship involving someone with ASD, it's probably not an evenly distributed task. I'm sure it can be quite frustrating for the other party. (I like @anngables approach in her post above).

And just remember, if you read enough posts on this site, you'll see that vilifying the other party in these relationships is not unique to the NT community.

She didn't need to write a hate site on Asperger's people though. She could have been less insensitive and more empathetic about both parties, rather than making all Aspies look like psychopaths. In fact most of what she said doesn't even describe Aspies, but it does describe psychopaths.

I'm in a relationship with an NT man, and we get along great. My ADHD traits seem to be more interfering than my Aspie traits, but neither affect how I empathise. He says I am kind, caring, loving, loyal and selfless. His ex-wife was an NT but she was heartless, full of anger, was selfish, lied to him, and cheated on him.

It's just sites like that are really offensive to me, and is why I don't like telling anyone that I have Asperger's. It makes me ashamed of it, even though what she's saying is BS, it still gives sensitive people like me a bad image of myself.

Eh, hate sites from bitter people with nothing better to do.
Don't take it seriously.