Problems with understanding what "friends" are.

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SuSaNnA
Pileated woodpecker
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26 Jun 2019, 1:20 pm

Problems with understanding what "friends" are, and what they should or shouldn't do.

Recently, I was feeling very unhappy because my real life friends won't give me likes on my facebook posts. (Such as artwork and videos)
I was angry at them, so I lashed out my anger and blamed them for not supporting me.

Then a real life friend said that friends are different from fans, and I shouldn't ask for my friends to do what fans do. (He also said that some friends might become my fans, but not every friend has to)
I then told him that that's very different from what I believed.

I thought giving likes would be easy, and a way to show appreciation.

I also have another issue-- I can't help but see number of likes as a score.
So I felt very pressured to earn more and more likes. I'm really bothered with the number.
People told me that I shouldn't care so much. Theoretically, i know that I shouldn't care so much.
But I can't.

==========

I think I need help, but I'm not sure what sort of help, or where to get this sort of help?



Mountain Goat
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26 Jun 2019, 1:32 pm

Friends don't have to like what you do. It is you they like! They like you enjoying your artwork. It may not be to their tastes. This does not mean you should not do your art. It is your hobby and it should please you! Think of it this way. If you want to do art and videos and get likes from your friends, why not adjust your art and videos to cover subjects and things that your friends do like?

Now a friend is not a friend if they like your art when they don't just to please you... It is lying. You don't want people who lie for you. They are people who could turn against you as well. ... And this does not at all mean your artwork is not any good. It could just be your unique individual style is very diffent from their style, and this is ok!
And think... Your creativity is beautiful regardless of what other people think, as it is you who are the creative person in your own lovely style. So don't worry. All is ok.



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26 Jun 2019, 2:06 pm

Friends don't demand that other friends "like" anything



TheOther
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26 Jun 2019, 2:07 pm

For what it's worth, social media companies know that people like feedback from other people, and in large part design their sites to get us addicted to the validation of how many points we get by posting. This encourages us to use their sites. It's no surprise you're so upset about it, that's how some of the smartest people from our modern generation deigned the experience! Here is a link to an interesting interview.

Don't pay too much attention things like that. No number of likes is ever going to make what you do worthwhile or not, and if you ever post something and get a lot of likes, you'll just spend the rest of your time chasing after that feeling again instead of pursuing things because you enjoy them for their own sake.

As for friends, friends are anyone with whom you share mutual enjoyment without there being any other thing gained by either party aside from that mutual enjoyment. Friends come in different forms. Some will just be people you enjoy talking to, others become like family and are there in your darkest and brightest hours, and others exist everywhere in between.

Friends shouldn't feel obligated to do things for each other, though good friends will want to of their own accord.



Dear_one
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26 Jun 2019, 4:09 pm

Mr. Z has left "friend" undefined, which is one reason his site causes undue anxiety. Normally, people don't have a number on their social successes, either, but generating anxiety in you makes money for Mr. Z. That said, I think your acquaintances may be doing you a favour by letting you know that either they don't share your interests, or just your aesthetic sense. I hear that quite a few people are encouraged by friends to audition at talent shows, only to learn that the general public is not amused in any kindly way.



dyadiccounterpoint
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26 Jun 2019, 7:15 pm

You have to learn what sort of content gets engagement on the specific social media platforms you're using.

For instance, I've noticed on Facebook that people want pictures of you (especially with others at some event), quick updates on your current feelings, and humor including culturally relevant memes. People have a short attention span on Facebook and retreat from engagement if the content is "demanding."

If you post something that does not meet one these descriptions or is demanding, it will likely fail to acquire significant engagement.


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Pepe
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26 Jun 2019, 9:32 pm

I don't need other people to validate me. <shrug>



cberg
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26 Jun 2019, 9:34 pm

Pepe wrote:
I don't need other people to validate me. <shrug>


Facebook is the mortal enemy of self actualization.


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Pepe
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26 Jun 2019, 9:50 pm

cberg wrote:
Pepe wrote:
I don't need other people to validate me. <shrug>


Facebook is the mortal enemy of self actualization.


I wouldn't know.
I'll take your word for it.
I'm not a FaceBook user. :wink:



SuSaNnA
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27 Jun 2019, 11:07 am

Thank you so much for the replies.
I just find it difficult to believe how different the concept of "friends" actually is compared to what I thought they were for.
I still wish people I know in real life could appreciate me more. Sometimes I feel transparent/ non existent when I was with them.



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27 Jun 2019, 11:16 am

I don't think of friends as being "for" something, in the sense of being reliable or obligated in any way. We may have given each other many things, but each new development is optional. Marriage is more of a commitment.



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27 Jun 2019, 11:42 am

I find that the facebook mentality can become very toxic and instagram especially is no better. Not everyone is gonna like what you do nor are they even gonna follow you and they don't have to if they don't want to. What matters is what you have offline rather then what you have online. If you're an online friend then yea I can understand them following stuff as a means to keep up with you but if you're friends with someone offline then they don't really have to do that.



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29 Jun 2019, 4:04 am

green0star wrote:
I find that the facebook mentality can become very toxic and instagram especially is no better. Not everyone is gonna like what you do nor are they even gonna follow you and they don't have to if they don't want to. What matters is what you have offline rather then what you have online. If you're an online friend then yea I can understand them following stuff as a means to keep up with you but if you're friends with someone offline then they don't really have to do that.

I agree. I really don't like facebook.



firemonkey
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29 Jun 2019, 4:27 am

When does an acquaintance become a friend? Can you really be friends with people you only engage with online?



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29 Jun 2019, 4:50 am

firemonkey wrote:
When does an acquaintance become a friend? Can you really be friends with people you only engage with online?

I'm not talking about people I met on the internet.
My "friends" and "acquaintances" on my facebook are people I know from real life.
And they have been treating me poorly compared to people I met online.

And yes, I fully believe that people can really become friends if they've only met online.

My online friends treat me way better than real life friends. They care that I exist, they care when I told them I felt sad.
They console me when my anger gets out of control.
Real life people would say absolutely nothing, or even things like "control your anger, this is unacceptable".

And when I need help, online friends are the ones who send help the quickest.
Real life ones can't even be bothered.



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29 Jun 2019, 8:32 am

I took the title of your post at face value . Hence my reply.