Sense of guilty and remorse for social interactions

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Hi all, I would like to hear your feelings about this topic.

I have this ever-lasting feeling of remorse for past social interactions that does not really expire.

Even now that I am writing this topic I still have in mind some interactions in the past where I wished I said something different/did something different.

Does this also happen to some of you?

yup. there is a teaching moment to these episodes in our back pages, however- in studying them in depth, we hopefully can learn from them and apply said learning to avoiding those mistakes in the future.

where is it?

what we did wrong that got us punishment, above all don't do it again! i can't count the number of times i've had to bite my lip rather than respond to the first thing in my head wanting to exit my mouth.

Yes, it used to be worse in the past but now i don't care much. I mean if you're not being rude on purpose i don't think it matters that much. Try to think that those interactions are often meaningless for other people too. No one cares much about anyone if they're not particularly close to them.

The problem is when these interactions are inside your family.

I make you an example, I was having lunch before (30 minutes ago) and everytime I had the chance to pickle on my brothers I did it, thus making them angry.

Bothering other people (touching them, joking with them) is something I really can't help doing at times, even if they tell to me explicitily that they don't want to be bothered!

Hmm i understand, it would definitely make things harder if it's with family.
Is it like an impulse? Maybe you have an issue with impulse control. I don't know what can be done to deal with that but maybe you can try explaining to them that you don't mean to make them angry on purpose, you just don't have the right filters to instinctually know something would make them angry. Not sure if i can explain this right but try communicating your thoughts about that. That it bothers you too when an interactions doesn't go well and you want to change things too.

I have one interaction in particular that bothers me.

When I was a teenager, I was very blunt. I also had a history of failing to react to deaths of others and had serious issues developing attachment to family.

So, one day my grandmother (who I spent most of my early childhood with) approaches me and tells me she has terminal cancer and will die. She asked me "Will you miss me?"

I said "no." I wasn't intending to cause her pain. I was being direct and honest about how I had experienced that sort of thing before.

I very strongly regret this. I feel incredibly guilty for making her last months more emotionally painful.

I feel similar things in regards to my grandfather's death. I used to fight with him a lot because i felt like he was belittling me and yelled at him a lot. He was such a gentle and kind man. When he died i had no time to mend our relationship and i still regret taking out my anger on him. But i was still so emotionally immature then just a child. I like to think that he understands that and forgives me.
Dealing with death is different for people like us from what i hear. We can't always make sense of our feelings either. So try not to feel too bad. You loved your grandma, that's why you regret. And she must have known this instinctually too.

Your words are kind.

Great discussion, first let me say that everyone makes mistakes. We must be able to forgive others and especially ourselves. People who do not make mistakes are not trying.

I am not diagnosed and mostly suffer from a social cognition deficit.

This is for BlossX. I have a 65 year old cousin who is hostile, condescending and highly critical of me when I visit him and his 90 year old mother. He did the same thing to his brother, deceased. If I respond by criticizing him, his mother gets furious at me. This is exactly what he wants. If I do not respond, he gloats and smirks.

My current strategy is to address the criticism directly and not say anything negative about my cousin. This usually works, but not always. I truly hate visiting them.

So BlossX, try a little harder and your family will be appreciative. Good luck my friend.

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate them.

At the moment i'm seeing a therapist and this is also helping me a lot

I hope this will work out well in the end.