How to be successful dating as an Aspie.

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Hi all,
First time poster here. I’m a high school junior male diagnosed with High functioning Aspergers. I have my for entire high school career, looking for a kind sweet girlfriend. However, as I am out as having Aspergers (and proud of it) many girls take advantage of this. I have been repeatedly dumped the night before dances, lied to and manipulated into poor situations. I have kissed people before but nothing further. I am very successful in other areas, running a successful hockey radio show, featuring many Blackhawks and hockey players as guests, along with befriending one or two. Despite all this I feel horrible about my self esteem, having been bullied for many years in school, resulting in PTSD. I see a psychologist once a week and it helps to alleviate the flashbacks but doesn’t help my self esteem. I have to put on a facade of confidence so no one knows but am crying every night. I was hoping to get some suggestions on how to meet some kind people or how to deal with my current situation.
Thanks
Frank

What worked for me:

Cool up. Dress well, smile often, shave regularly, bathe regularly, et cetera (You probably already know this).

Stand up. Walk like you have places to go and people to meet -- show some pride and dignity.

Never Give Up. If one girl turns you down, ask another. Keep asking until one says 'yes'.

Don't Worry About What Other People Think Of You. The day I stopped caring what other people think is the day my life went from being a Victim to being a Survivor, and that made all of the difference for me.

Again, all these things worked for me. You are free to try them or ignore them, but for goodness sake, try them!

You are already talented, and that facade of confidence is not a bad thing, either -- there's this philosophy called "Fake It Until You Make It", which is based on the idea that you should never let them see you sad and that eventualy it will become automatic. It works, even when you're crying every night.

Keep seeing the therapist, too.

All that Fnord said plus:

Dont be too eager, girls like the ones who seem to not be so interested.

Remember to ask the girl questions about herself, nothing to personal.

Good luck!

I get all of what you guys are saying. I do that stuff and because of my radio program I am looked up to but no one hangs with me. Is there any other places besides school that I could meet someone to go out with?

ANY place besides school!

Any place where people go. Any place where people feel safe, comfortable, and possibly entertained.

A list from A to Z would take up too much space.

Probably at something like a Star Trek convention.....I wonder, though, if many young people go to them.

Perhaps a little better: a Pokémon convention, or a Dr. Who convention.

A video game convention!

Actually, boys probably outnumber girls there by at least 3 to 1.

Conventions for nerds happen but once a year each.

Try finding venues that are open year-round.

But this is the problem
I am mature beyond my years because I relate more to adults so I don’t have really anywhere I can go.
Are there any like Aspergers conventions or other things?
Just looking for someone real
I even had asked a celeb to homecoming and it nearly worked! I tried to do this bc I A) liked her and B) thought it would attract other girls.
Any places in mind?
Just list them all I don’t care!

I just having been looking for four years and it just stinks and have never had anything pan out. Really scared to have a lonely summer

Dude, you are seventeen! I didn't get a girlfriend until I was twenty and a sophomore in college.

Trust me, you are not ready for a committed relationship at your age. Either be patient, or mobilize and make getting a girlfriend your topmost priority -- above school, hobbies, family, friends, et cetera...

I get what you’re trying to say. It’s just frustrating when all your buddies have what you want. I just want someone to appreciate me for me. I don’t put it above family but I put it above everything else is trying to find someone. Could you list out some of those places you were talking about?

Fnord is right although I can remember being 17 and desperately wanting a boyfriend, but selective mutism made that impossible.

I wasn’t anywhere close to being ready for one, anyway. I still had a lot of growing up to do.

I just feel like I don’t belong on ether side of the fence. I’m a successful broadcaster but I can’t find someone for me. By psychologist tells me I’m mature like a 25 year old and it will be tough finding someone. I just feel like everything else is going right except my social stuff w girls.

Concentrate on your broadcasting----the girls just might come to you.

It sounds like you've already had a more active high school love life than I did. I "dated" a few people, but I didn't even really kiss a boy till I was in college. Even given that, I'm in a really loving long-term relationship now, and I'm really glad for the steps (and mis-steps) I took along the way to get here.

I think it's fairly rare for even NTs to remain with the same people they dated in high school. Most people have to figure it out as we go along in life after graduation. It sounds like you're getting some really good relationship experience under your belt (bad and good). That will help you in your future romantic endeavors.



There's no one answer. You just have to put yourself out there, and get to meeting a ton of new people. With any luck, maybe some of them will be just right for you.

To me, the hardest part was not finding 'kind' people, but knowing if we were both interested in one another. I learned to listen to how we talk to each other. If the person I was talking to kept asking me questions about myself, it meant they liked me. On the other hand, if I found myself wanting to know more about that person, to ask them questions about themselves (which is rare, but does happen), then it let me know that I liked them back.

In order for a relationship to work, you have to both really care about each other. That is the number one thing. Everything else is secondary. So be sure you spend time figuring that part out.