Do you ever feel like you are losing your mind?

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I have had a tough time over the past 6 months, my anxiety heightened for no obvious reason( or that I've worked out why yet)

since then I moved home 2 months ago, im dependent on routine so it has unsettled me,

my 8 yo asd son is becoming harder and harder work (angry aggressive smearing not eating etc) we are in the cahms waiting list.

All the while I have a 2 yo who struggles with communication who often screams and breaks things (He is also under obvs and has paedeatric referal)

any who my anxiety has sky rocketed and am on a cocktail of medicine from my gp - 20mg escitalopram lorazepam and lisdexamphetamine for adhd.

I am barely feeling the benefits of these. I'm now being referred to the psychologist. I am so low and beginning to self harm daily something I haven't had the urge to do for years.i am constantly having meltdowns. I am an unpleasant person to be around I just feel such a mix of low restlessness hopelessness numbness and depersonalisation. I feel like I am losing my mind.

With the pressure of two tough kids I don't have time for me such as mindfulness a hobby or reading. I have been unable to find time to workout like I used to and my only saving grace is walking my dogs as I can take the kids

Please can any one empathise who has felt this way and come through the other side? I feel like I'm losing my mind and having a nervous meltdown. I'm so scared my NT hubby is going to leave me due to the pressure from not just myself but also my two sons. He is overwhelmed.

I read about autistic burnout and so see if this could be that? Has anyone else experienced this? Ive lost all motivation and very pessimistic

I just don't k ow what to do or how to feel. I feel I have lost 'me'

Any responses kindly received

Grace

Been there, due to parenting, too.
Slowly recovering.

Get as much help as possible. You need it. You need your alone time. You need some basic comfort to be a good mother, good wife and to get out of this hell.
Send the kids to grannies for a weekend and do nothing. Or do whatever pleases you. Get rid of as much responsibilities as you can. It is a crisis situation and your priority is to get out of it. Seek help and relief.

Good luck
I'm sane now but I still can't keep my house clean. But it's not that important.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, Grace.

Yes, what you're describing sounds very much like autistic burn-out. I know all too well the feeling that one is losing one's mind, as the ability to compensate for autistic traits fades away, and our brain becomes so fatigued that we just can't put our usual coping strategies into practice. Although the onset of it may seem to be quite sudden sometimes, this is very often just a case of the slow accumulation of fatigue reaching a breaking point - it only becomes visible, especially to other people, when our external behaviour becomes noticeably different; but it's often been slowly creeping up on us for much, much longer.

My situation is very different to yours, so it's hard to give specific advice; but magz is essentially correct - getting plenty of rest in a peaceful environment and minimising the demands we're putting on our brain are key to recovery. Attempting to plough on through it is very likely to be counter-productive both for you and for the rest of the family. Most importantly, this should be seen as the necessary step towards recovery that it is, and not as selfishness or an indulgence which one should feel guilty about. In the longer term, finding ways to incorporate such "sanctuaries" into our daily lives, to prevent the build-up of fatigue, is extremely beneficial - for example, your little escapes from the chaos of the home when you take the dogs for a walk.

It can also take some practice to learn how to spot the early signs of burn-out and what causes it so that you can nip it in the bud. Because autism is present from birth, and we're under so much pressure to behave as non-autistic people do, it is very common that we don't realise just how much effort we put into coping with and compensating for our autistic traits. Keeping up the appearance of being a "normally functioning" human can easily slip into becoming a pathological "people pleaser" who neglects their own needs, because we've never known any different. I would encourage you to discuss this aspect of autism with your psychologist because, while burn-outs can lead to mental illness, it's important to realise that they are distinct from depression despite looking very similar, and therapies may need to take this into account.

In essence, burn-outs might be thought of in the same way as we would a bout of physical illness - few people would deny the need for treatment and recovery time for those, and burn-outs should be treated no differently, as they are no less debilitating for being centred in our brains. This may require compromises and sacrifices in the short-term, but that is better for everyone than the long-term consequences of trying to strain yourself further to get through it.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.