Fantasies of living alone

Post Reply New Topic

As some of you know, I'm married, I have two children.

Now, more and more, I daydream of living alone. In a little cabin or a microapartament. To have just myself to care for and just enough posessions to do it.
I know it won't happen any soon. Maybe when I'm old. I don't want to end up in a large empty house like so many old people I know. Something tiny would do.
I guess I'm just tired of family life. Interactions. Decisions affecting not just myself. Need to think of others and for others all the time. Three other people, each of them want to spend time with me and have my attention.
I'm perfectly opposite of lonely and it's not good at all.

Does anyone relate? Any experiences of minimalist lving alone?

I have that experience, though the minimalist part wasn't by choice.
Had to start over after marriage ended, lived with my family till my health improved enough to start working again, then was living in a rented room in an owner occupier house. Both of those experiences were overtaxing, got enough money together to rent a one bed apartment and although it was a kip, the relief was immeasurable. The predictability of being the only person in a space that was just for me was brilliant.
Too much of my own space was isolating though and I had to put up with my neighbours music and regular noises one hears when apartments are built cheaply.

Yes, having family, I can relate. Just last night for fun I was daydreaming by looking at real estate listings on the Isle of Arran and the Isle of Skye in the Upper Hebrides. I've never been to either place. If I were single I would give serious thought to making a drastic move like that.

Magz, I don't think wondering or even wishing you were single is wrong or bad. It's your mind's way of escaping from a reality that can be stressful and overwhelming. When things might seem bad, it can be a mental "happy place".

I bring myself back by reminding myself "be careful what you wish for" and by "counting my blessings" since family is an amazing thing.

I realised from a young age that a co-habiting relationship would be almost impossible for me to handle. Despite mostly having very tolerant and kind housemates, I found shared accommodation during my student years extremely punishing mentally. I struggle a little bit at the moment as, due to financial constraints, I find myself as a lodger in my landlady's home. Thankfully, my room is en-suite, and she is very autism-friendly due to having an autistic relative, so respects my need to minimise interactions much of the time; I find it manageable, though still not ideal.

The downside of living alone is that I rapidly descend into being a shut-in surrounded by unopened mail, bags of rubbish, piles of dirty clothes, and other detritus. Ideally, I need to live alone, but with some kind of regular, though not intensive, support to ensure that I cope with day-to-day responsibilities and self-care.

Disappearing to a cave in the mountains or a shack in the woods has been a fantasy for me ever since childhood. I have no illusions that I'd last very long, as I'm no survivalist; but should the doctors ever tell me that my time is just about up and I've nothing to lose, I might just indulge myself during the twilight of my life.

Thanks.
To make one thing clear, I don't want my family to split.
But I'm like Snufkin playing the role of Moominmamma.
It's exhausting.
But kids need mother.

Certainly... I don't even live in a stressful home or life in general.

I even got a lot of floor plans and sketches of said place to live alone.
Even lists of item inventory. Even calculated possible amount of bills to pay along with it. To the fine stuff where X things are only placed, where this place might be, if it's possibly flood free or prone yet with backup, etc. All the possible routines and certainty that no one else is going to ruin it but myself.


But alas, no strict boundaries here. I'm born in a world where everything around me doesn't afford much allowance for solitary, predictability, and barely enforces punctuality. So yeah, I literally cannot afford the need to actually enforce said 'order' -- let alone the autistic's need for it.
All I got was a few boxes that I can lock, with a key that I kept hiding from anyone... And the lucky hours of having the whole house to myself so no one's walking at me and distract me with their presences -- but still not allowed to 'touch' and make the entire arrangements myself since the space also belonged to someone else.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Mmm, yes, I think about that a lot. I would love living by myself in a secluded area, like a little farm house on a plain. Not just the solitude but being able to completely abandon all the "socially appropriate" behaviors I have to force myself to adhere to and just be the way my mind and body wants to. I would want no influence from the outside world, just me.

But, alas, it is but a fantasy.

I frequently wish I was single.

I wouldn’t mind living on some secluded Scottish isle, either.....

yeah
also i missed having my "own" room,
once they are over six you have some more time to organise the part of the day they are at school
and they are becoming more independent fast

maybe they can sleep over at the grandparents or with cousins
every once in a while

I have lived alone and loved it. However, I have always had some sort of responsibility to others that has kept me from slipping down the slope that Trog is talking about. I have a feeling, at this point in my life, should I live completely alone, I would stop cleaning, clearing, washing, laundry...etc. So it is good that at this time I have a partner. I do live way off the road, in the woods/swamps. No neighbors.

I love solo canoe trips. Everything you need is with you. Everything fits into two packs (and I still misplace things!) The only person you are responsible is, is yourself. You decide where to go, when to go, when to stop, and what to look at along the way. Rest when you're tired, eat when you're hungry, watch the cloud formations as long as you want. No electronics. My idea of heaven.

A canoe trip and rough camping may not be your style, but a little vacation on your own might serve.

If I lived alone, my detractors would have the final laugh on me. I don't want them to ever celebrate.

If you lived alone, your "detractors" might respect you more.

I'm absolutely certain that I couldn't cohabit with another person or persons as well. That's based on my very limited experience of this situation and a basic inner knowledge of my own nature.

I've had a recurring fantasy throughout my adult life which goes a step further - I've often felt attracted to the idea of 'starting again', with a different name and identity, living in a location where no-one would know anything about me or my past.

This is perhaps not that uncommon an impulse (check out a 1960s film called Seconds: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060955/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1), but these days it'd probably be impossible to achieve unless one were incredibly wealthy or prepared to use criminal methods. Still, eh...?

This is my current plan. I want to live in a forested area alone but with access to civilization if necessary.

I got a private place with no one around from about April to December last year. It was the first time I had this kind of personal space for any extended amount of time.

There were pros and cons. I felt liberated to be myself, and I notice it came out in weird ways. A lot of pacing and externalizing dialogue, singing, and meaningless routines that I was doing by impulse. I really quite enjoyed having this ability to release that sort of expression and would absolutely seek it again. The downside is that my executive dysfunction was rather serious and caused me great anxiety. To be fair it's usually serious in general.

It's very nice to live alone although I think I still would want online acquaintances and some form of civil engagement, probably aligned with my interests. I can't imagine living with a partner really.