Being jealous and broken hearted

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I seem to think that when I have taken a liking to someone I knew from school or college become friends with them and I find out they are already going out with someone, it does makes it feel like it makes my heart stop beating and then start feel very low and also feel worthless to them and think 'they are always seem to go out with someone who may look more attractive than me and why?' and think it is always 'unattractive people' and 'smart and intelligent' and 'geeky' people like me who have left heart broken when someone is in love with someone more attractive than they are. And I've seen it in films, reality TV shows, cartoons and so on. I even felt bad at one point where I let my jealousy boil over into anger and upset when I shouldn't when speaking to someone I liked at college (even though I didn't know her that well face-to-face except once) on MSN messenger and I think I freaked her out and I think I even had her friends getting upset at me because of it and even her boyfriend sent me a message calling me a 'fantasist'. I even seem to think particularly when I've seen it on TV that the unattractive quiet and smart one becomes a villain seeking revenge on the people who broke their hearts and even feel like that is even the case in the real world when I've heard of terrible acts of violence or killing sprees in America and the perpetrators were described as a loner at school or college that according to some that they may have had aspergers. What ?! I do remember a case where I think a son of a film director posted a video online saying he wanted to get revenge girls who snubbed him and even when I saw the comments on the video, someone said 'he sounds like a dragonball z villain.'

Being a quiet person is terrible sometimes. No matter how nice or friendly you are, you can still get socially excluded, and feel like a spare part. I tend to mentally compete with other women, if there are more guys around and one woman, I'll compare myself to her in every way. I get jealous if she gets more attention from the guys than me, and if she's more attractive than me. It affects me to the point where I can get depressed.
There's a girl at work, a bit younger than me, who has severe mental health issues, but she rants and moans about whatevers on her mind, and everyone listens. She has such a strong personality, and she gets fancied by guys and invited out to cool places with them, and even other girls (who know me just as well) go to her first and chats, and people just seem to love her. The only person at work who prefers my passive, kind, laid-back, polite, friendly, understanding characteristics is one older woman who is foreign. She finds this girl too rude, selfish, snitchy, cliquey, unempathetic and explosive - because that's what this girl is. But everyone else still thinks she's wonderful, even though being around her for an hour makes me feel exhausted. I suppose that's what you get when you're loud and don't care what others think; no matter how many social rules you break, people will still want to either be your boyfriend or your best friend. Unless quiet people like us suddenly forced ourselves to be loud, neurotic and no longer care what people think, we would just be even more socially isolated than what we were to begin with. So us quiet people are f****d. We can't do anything right. If were quiet, we're uninteresting and friendless. If we become loud we just end up driving people away.

I might ask this girl how she does it and try to get some tips on how to be more like her. I am sick of being me.

I happen to think there is a great callousness towards the suffering of those who have difficulties with securing partners. It is negative for one's mental health go without connection or sex for a highly extended period of time. This negativity often appears in ways that are derided by others. I think society should acknowledge more these realities and be educated regarding how much people are harmed by these attitudes.

I am ok with being alone, although there is occasional longing. I know I am not geared well for romance. Perhaps in high school I fantasized about it, but eventually I had a realization that it was indeed just fantasy and that I was not terribly interested in the reality of dating.

I'm not absolutely closed to the notion, but I strongly doubt I will take a partner. I hope you find a similar kind of peace.