Are they really your friend?

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This seems to be common among us where we think things are going well with a person and we may even start to look at this person as friend. Only to find out that they are not in the same place with us. Usually we are the ones that get hurt by this.
I for example had been spending a lot time getting to know this guy where i live and even hanging out with him as he works. We move forward and we eventually exchange numbers. I might have been premature but i asked if he ever be opposed to haging out shortly after we started talking on the phone. Well he relpies with yeah maybe sometime but i am really busy with my parents and my wife's baking business. Then the other day i was talking with him and said he was thinking about going to hang out with his co workers tomorrow when he just told me he was too busy at the moment. This of course really hurt me because he made it sound as if his life was too busy to hang out with anyone or at least that was the way i took it. I became hurt and upset and since have cut out contact with him.
I felt lied to and not very important. Even when i told him this i was called needy and worse than some of the woman he is dated. He never apologized. Which hurt even more. Maybe i over reacted. But he always wanted me at work with him so his day would go faster by having a person to talk too.
I left just feeling really hurt mad and taken advantage of. Like the last several months where I have been really working hard to change my life didn't matter. I so wanted to fall pray to the negative thinking that used to plague my thought life. Even writing about now because the wound is only a few days old brings up the saddness because i really wanted to be friends and in my life besides a couple of people i talk too on the phone i am alone most of the time. I sometimes wonder if i would personslly be able to handle the social life i often fantasize about having. Maybe i gotten so use to thriving in the wholesale hatred that i seem to get from society that when any thing like love or acceptance happens i become afraid and sabotage it. I seen this happen many times with people. It is like i find some reason we cannot be friends because i scared to let people in because of all the people that leave because i cannot be what they expect me to be.

It sounds like you are asking yourself some very good questions. I'm not good at social interaction and I can get lonely and often feel too desperate for social contact with other people myself.

Being vulnerable and letting people see who I am is difficult, and I have had problems in my own life because of it, but at least I try. I figure that has to count for something.

I don't think "needy" is bad, everyone is from time to time. Some people can handle it, others can't. Myself included. Sometimes my own life is hard enough and I can't handle another person's problems. Maybe that was the case here? I don't know.

Sometimes I don't think it's neediness I think it's just trying to figure out where the boundaries lie because I'm so socially blind. Because even when I do see boundaries they are blurry and I end up overstepping them anyway. So I think sometimes the questions I asked her perceived as meeting is when they're really just trying to find out where you're at because I can't see. Almost like a blind man asking for help across a new room because he doesn't know the layout of the furniture.

I'm that way myself, so I'm not sure what advice I can give you. At least you know that about yourself, many don't.

Hey when you try to make friends with other aspies did that ever work out for you? Because I sometimes wonder if it would be harder or to socially awkward people to make it work maybe it works better because you're both socially awkward and have some of the similar challenges. But I'm not sure

Don't worry. We can be your friends in here. I could do with someone to talk to. And what is the worst that can happen? If the worst happens then none of us are any worse of then when we first started.

Hey thanks you old goat get it cuz you're screen name is mountain goat. Please don't take offense to that that's supposed to be a joke. I just private messaged you.

Haha. No worries.

I have sent a reply. Actually two replies. I don't know if it has sent them or not. Have you had them?

God can change the things you can't change.

Not the person you're responding to, but I have some insight.

I found out recently my best friend from grade school is on the spectrum. We got along well because he primarily sits in his dimly lit room, avoids most social contact, and either plays video games or talks about video games and politics. Perfect match. I sincerely miss this individual and have not had the opportunity to see him in a few years.

One of my coworkers has a father with ASD, although the coworker himself is not diagnosed. Talking with him, however, I can see signs. We relate on executive dysfunction, ruminating obsessively, and having intellectual interests and a hyper rational view of the world and society. He is more naturally socially gregarious than I am, however. We've been starting to connect a bit and it's nice to feel relatable to someone on these sorts of things.

I can see two individuals with ASD not getting along as well, especially if their interests diverge and they take offense to social communication difficulties between each other. I can imagine two ASD individuals arguing fiercely.

As to the broader question, I poorly estimate the other individual's assessment of the relationship regularly. I have overinvested in what I perceived to be a friendship only to feel wounded by a later realization that they felt less seriously about it. This pushes me to avoid making connections with others because I have a hard time handling this. I also am irked at being alienated in general over my life. After a while I have found most people to be rather unrelatable. I accept the comfort of my solitude and just want some nice acquaintances I can converse with now and again, at a comfortable emotional distance.