Talking across people

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What does that mean?

I think it means that you’re talking without listening or addressing what the other person has to say.

^ Thanks . I would ask how much is addressing what the other person says about giving a response that the other person approves of?

It’s more about trying to be tactful, I think, although this certainly varies! Some people only want to be agreed with.

For reasonable people, it sometimes helps to have a phrase or sentence that acknowledges what they’ve said and then segues into what you want to say, like:

“Yeah, I see what you mean, but I was wondering if...”

You could pose a question to find out what they think about your stance or opinion.

This all sounds more complex than it really is. The important thing to remember is that, in a conversation, people want to think that the people they are talking to think that their opinions matters. If you keep that in mind, it’s easier to have a decent dialogue.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 06 Jun 2019, 6:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree, most people enjoy a sincere compliment. Finding a way to listen and respond in a non-confrontational manner makes for a more pleasant conversation. Sometimes, I will simply agree to avoid an argument with people whose opinion does not matter to me. Other times, I will attempt to nudge the conversation to the statement that is disagreeable to clarify the opinions.

The bottom lines is that you must appear sincere with your statements. Respecting others is difficult, especially when they do not reciprocate. All these things makes my brain work real hard and can be exhausting.

I never deliberately set out to upset people unless someone's already hurt me , but it seems I'm just crap at this social interaction lark . My stepdaughter has said I do not seem to have a filter.

Probably most of us on here aren’t that good at this stuff. Interacting with other people is really hard since there are so many nuances to keep in mind.

If you know specific areas that you need to work on, that’s a great starting point for making progress.

I really struggle to grasp the nuances .

I’m fairly good at that, but since they don’t come naturally to me, I get overwhelmed by consciously having to remember them. Then I worry that I’ll mess something up, so I usually just don’t talk much which isn’t a great method of building friendships.

Oh boy do I have a big filter. When I was young, I didn't have a filter and I would just say what I thought was correct and appropriate thing to say. I now have a very long list in my head of things I thought were correct but got a bad responses. When I'm in a group of people, I am constantly running through that list trying to figure out what isn't appropriate. It's kind of like in the first Terminator movie where you see the android (Arnold) scrolling through a list of things to say. My list is so long these days, that by the time I've ruled out what is inappropriate, and what is OK to say, the topic has changed, twice.

When I'm in a small group of friends though, the filters almost disappear, and I start saying inappropriate things.

Have never heard the expression "talking across people". Must be a UK thing.

Have heard folks say "talking AT people" as opposed to "talking TO people". The former meaning "thinking that you're talking to someone when you're actualling monologuing about something to someone" as opposed to actualling conversing with them.

I'd never heard of it either . I've posted on several forums etc about it. Maybe the best answer I've got is -

I'm definitely not the best at judging when to have my say. It's worse the larger the group is .