The EXACT moment I knew there was hope...

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I'm a closet stimmer, because my favorite stims are noise related. I do other stims, like rubbing my 2nd and 3rd fingers together when walking, or rubbing the top of my thumb nail with my index finger. I rub my great and 2nd toes together, etc. I don't hide those because most people won't know what I am doing it, or why.

Noises are different...

And when I say I do them in secret, I mean mostly at home. My family probably thought I was crazy or had Tourrette's (sp?) all my life, which was fine because frankly so did I. As my veneer began to show cracks, I was forced to examine the noises. Could I control them (yes), what emotions were associated with them (happiness, excitement), what did they do for me (I liked certain pitches, they made me laugh), were they inappropriate ( probably, by NT standards. But, they weren't offensive.). All that stuff... Now, I will add that on very rare occasions, when I'm having a super day and I'm so happy, I will seek out a spot with acoustic properties and make a noise. That way, no one can tell where the sound originated.

As I was undergoing testing, I still kept thinking that I didn't know any ASDers who made noises. Once I was formally diagnosed I began to seek out places such as this to see if there were others, like me. I am a 50+ year old woman who makes weird noises and one day I may be in a nursing home. I don't remember hearing anything but echolalia related to brain damage. But, who knows maybe they were undiagnosed ASD. Anyway, my point was I was looking for some evidence that there were others out there similar to me, even if I never met them in person.

Another female made a post in one of the groups I belong to on FB. She was a teacher and while her students were taking their finals she kept having the urge to make a noise. So, she meowed like a cat. I thought that was absolutely the best thing I'd read in a long time. That was the exact moment I had hope.

Any stories of hope? I'd love to hear them. The initial shock of diagnosis, the lightbulb moment is passing and I'm starting to feel some dread about what the future holds. The word autism in the US is viewed negatively, with the shows of extreme cases of poor individuals whose lives are turned upside down primarily dominating the documentaries.

Thanks for reading!

I've been howling like a wolf and meowing like a cat on the subways for years.

Sometimes, at work, too. They've given up on giving me writeups for it LOL.

When I was in high school, I started singing opera in the subways.

OMG, you are my hero! Thank YOU!

The only stimming I do is in the form of repeating myself.
It may be more perseveration than stimming. <shrug>
I haven't researched what stimming entails.

I actually enjoy going over concepts in my mind repeatedly before going to sleep.
I am fascinated by the workings of the brain.

Interesting. I also do that sometimes. Anything that makes a sound (noises/words/music/clickers/clackers/whistles/air horns) is soothing (well, maybe not air horns).

I hide my stims too, I curl my toes or wrap my feet around each other while I am sitting or stim with my hands but under a table where people wont see me. My vocal stims I whisper so no one will hear me but in my head it is loud and clear, often I repeat people's names over and over. Only vocal stim I speak aloud are ones involving playing with my cat. I had my stimming behaviour shamed growing up by my parents so I've just been conditioned to hide them.

I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 29, I just felt different than everyone around me. I knew others didn't share the same thought processes as I do but I didn't know why.

I will listen to a pop song on a loop. Youtube lets you do this with a menu setting!

Interesting. When people share their stims, I can see the beauty in them. Imagine how and why they would sooth.

You didn't steal my username idea, did you? If so, shame on you!

I used to "stim" (silly word I insist on putting in quotation marks), mainly in mimicking other people's stock-phrases that I found amusing, but I've since grown out of it. I never did it in public.

I started doing that on youtube fairly recently... A few of Cyndi Laupers songs have really hit me somehow where I listen to them again and again and again! Cyndi Lauper has a beautiful face which is one I can normally recognise whichever hairstyle she has at the time. As I get faceblindness, many people simply dissapere from my life. However, Cyndi has one of those faces which stick in my mind... But I don't know if I would recognise her in real life. I probably might? If she talked or sang I would know her straight away! Especially if she talked.
The song she sang I listened to the most is "Change of Heart" as I am fascinated by the colours in the video and the sounds... And the scenes... It is all absolutely fantastic!
Some I absolutely love and adore but are far too moving to me to watch. I can't cry these days as if my nose blocks because I cry my throat starts to half block as well and I am in trouble. So I have to force myself not to cry, which is hard, as I am naturally a very emotional person. It is only the last three years or so that I have had throat issues... It might be related to stress? I have no idea. I keep off acidic foods like fruit and things like that. Last time a grape set it off...

But is listening to the same music song again and again stimming? I thought it was just that I was fascinated by the song and music video?

I tried for just plain Persephone, but it had already been taken. Had to add my birthdate, is that what you did too?

Anything that I do repeatedly, that brings me happiness or a safe feeling, I call 'stimming.' Guess I could be wrong.

Looping songs does reduce anxiety. Which is the big benefit to an Aspie engaging in stimming.

Weeding a garden is another stimming activity. I'll typically pick a common weed and clear my yard of it.

BTW, That is an impressive brain you have there sitting on the chassis of a tank.
Do you use it defensively or aggressively?



I have a problem with bullies.

When I'm alone I'm prone to making all sorts of noises, and some of them happen as a sort of tic. I am also prone to repeating things over and over. It wouldn't be uncommon for me to read something interesting and then start pacing and talking through what I had learned, getting caught in a loop on a short part and refining it. I might also sing short fragments of songs over and over. I will have fake conversations with some random person I might know about all sorts of things and restart the conversation over and over, explaining myself better the next time.

Sometimes I'm just looping something weird and am lost in my own thoughts. If I were to be filmed doing all this, I am certain it would appear quite odd as I can do this pacing, talking, and looping statements thing for a long time in a random, compulsive kind of way.

It's one of my favorite things to do and definitely relieves stress, although I'd like to exercise better control on the compulsion aspects and time organization issues than can come with it. I don't like it when it's just suddenly time for bed and I didn't accomplish anything because I was pacing and talking the whole time by impulse.

That happens to me too when I have too many grapes.


This is preciesely what I do.
I enjoy my thought loops.

When I was younger I would have a conversation with myself but would be both separate personalities.
Not D.I.D., just mental gymnastics.

BTW, I feel a little silly replying since you are obviously my alternate female personality on another account.



Designing different/new intellectual constructs is my passion.
I guess I am an "aha" junky.
It gets me into trouble sometimes, however.

While I "frown" on gratuitous emotional satiation, I make a distinction between that and satisfying/pleasuring the intellect.
Is it valid or am I fooling myself? <shrug>
I have been struggling with this concept for some time.